Jump to content



Recommended Posts

I find myself facing ANOTHER loss.

It's been... how is it possible? Nine months since I lost my Mom.

I went to say goodbye to DH's grandpa in December.

2 weeks ago, we lost one of our dearest family friends--one of the best through Mom's illness--during surgery to remove kidney cancer. He had been diagnosed a month prior, and it was supposed to be operable, treatable, doable, and he died in the recovery room. We didn't go back for the funeral because there was so little we could do there, and so much we needed to do as a little family again.

Now, one of our closest friends here is slipping quickly. He has pancreatic cancer, and just started a morphine drip and stopped agressive treatment. As of today he's not eating... He's hit at least two of the 'hallmarks' that I remember so fiercely with Mom. I tried to stay positive for his wife--also our very good friend... and say that I hoped maybe he was adjusting to the morphine and I hope and pray that's what it is...

But I'm so afraid that we're going down this road again. So soon after losing Larry. And I really still feel like I haven't even begun to grieve my mother.

Tonight I see those last few days with her so vividly. I remember all the what ifs and the Is THIS its? I remember it coming so slow, but like a freight train all at once. I have missed her so much lately. Wanted to call her. Wanted to ask her advice. Needed her reassurance. And now I see her at the end again... and it just haunts me.

And I don't want to lose another person I love to this demon of a disease. I just can't stand anymore.

I hope Bob still has more time to snuggle with Jennie, to visit with Carolyn, DH, and I, and to be "Bob," but I'm so afraid there isn't anymore... I want to be there, but they are hunkering down together and I know that is as it should be, so I will check in often and do what I can.

And I'm just so sad and angry.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

((((((VAL)))) All I can do is send you some cyber hugs. I am so sorry for all you are going through. The grieving for your mom will happen. I felt the same way as you then all of a sudden it just all let loose.

Hang in there. Caroline is getting so big. Hope all is going well with your home.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh (((Val))),

I have nothing to offer, sweet girl, other than my empathy and caring and love. You have experienced more in your 25 years than some folks do in a lifetime spanning many times yours. I am lifting you and Andy and Miss Carolyn up as best I can from afar. Hope you can feel it.



Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.