niececola Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Hi, I can't even believe that it has already been two years without my mom. I was actually doing ok until I started writing this post and now the tears are flowing. Looking back on my journey, I am not even sure how I made it to this point. Those first few months, actually the first year and a half, were very tough for me. I was filled with so much sadness and then later anger, thankfully the anger has subsided. My life is better now than it was when my mom first died, I do find joy and happiness each day, but there is still a hole in my heart that will never go away. But that is ok, I am learning to live with it. After my mom died I had a very difficult time dealing with my Dad. We never had a very close relationship. As many children do, my relationship with my Dad was through my Mom, so when she died, I had no idea what type of relationship would develop. Thankfully, he did turn to my brother and I for support instead of becoming more of an introvert, which he had been throughout my life. There were definitely some challenging times, I know he didn't understand me at all sometimes, especially when I was so angry that my Mom was gone, but we worked through it together and today I am so thankful I have been given this chance to have a relationship with him. Had my Mom lived, I don't think I would have. Very sad to think of it that way, but I choose to look at the gift I have been given, instead of what was taken away from me. Thanks to all of you, for this journey would have been that much more difficult without you. I don't post often, but lurk a lot and all of you are in my thoughts and prayers. I think I am going to take Monday off. Not sure what I am going to do, maybe go to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens, my mom loved flowers. I feel like I live a lot of my days in denial that she is no longer here, I think I should take some time on Monday to think about all the good times I had with her and how she enriched my life. Too hard to do that on a daily basis.... Please keep my family in your prayers and I will do the same for all of you. Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Denise, No words of advice, just hugs and continued prayers. I am very glad you and your dad have been able to forge a bond now. Out of the negative truly came a positive for you.. Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Wow Denise, two years, it seems impossible to have been that long. I am so sorry for your pain Love you lots and sending lots of good thoughts your way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Denise, it is so very good to hear from you. Like others, I can't believe that two years have passed already. I think you have a wonderful plan in mind for Monday. I know the day will be difficult for you but I'm sure you have many happy memories to fall back on! Please keep in touch, as you are missed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail p-m Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Denise, Your post brought tears to my eyes. Two years and you're still so sad. My Dad has been gone just 3 1/2 weeks and I feel so much pain -- I'm not surprised by that but I'm hoping that it will ease up substantially by two years. I wish there were some way around this grief process but I realize you just have to go through it and endure. Taking the day off and going to the Botanical Gardens certainly sounds like a nice way to remember your mother. Will someone go with you or is this something you want to do alone. I am also glad that something "good" came out of this, your getting closer to your Dad. That's a priceless gift. (((Denise))) gail p-m Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 I agree that it is unbelievable it has been 2 years. I am glad to see that you are able to find the silver lining. Hugs and prayers to you and yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jduenges Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Dear Denise, I just read your post. I understand your pain, My Dad has been gone almost a year and the pain of missing him just doesn't get any easier. My thoughts are with you. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Those aniversaries can really kick you in the gut. I do think you will make out alright. That day is obviously passed now so please let us know how you are doing. I'm so glad that you were able to become so close to your dad. I think your mom must be smiling from ear to ear Wonder how much she had to do with that change in him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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