paddy Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Hello Friends, I wondered if any one else here experiences what I call the "Weekend wipe-out?" During the week I keep the blahs away by keeping very busy. I volunteer at the local senior centre, go out with friends, get into my art or sewing, read or keep up with my friends and relations be email. Sometimes I see my daughter and her family, however, like most modern families, they seem to have a busy life with kids activities and work etc. I am not too keen on driving and my sense of direction is poor,( to say the least,) however, I am starting to find my way around in my relatively new surroundings. Anyway, from Monday to Thursday, I manage to keep myself from "thinking" of my loss and all the terrible things that happened. I even try to keep the happy memories away as they are bitter-sweet too. However as soon as Friday comes a wave of sadness wells up and up inside me and by the time Saturday morning comes I feel completely "wiped out". I really wish I could sleep the weekend away and wake up on Monday morning ready to go again. I don't "want" to paint, sew, bake read or drive anywhere. I just want to have my husband here with me! I force myself to go to Church on Sunday, not that I don't love to go to church, (especially as I see my grand-kids there,) but it's the coming home alone that I can't bear. After 40 years of living with dearest friend and husband, I feel as if I am only half-a-person. He was so sweet and funny and we used to talk and laugh a lot together. There is very little laughter in this house anymore, although my little dog does his best to amuse me and if he could talk he would! I wonder how many widows out there are feeling this way right now? I wish I knew some in this neigbourhood. We could perhaps start a sort of friendship club to keep each other company.Perhaps that would be an idea to persue. Anway, excuse me for "bleating" but I really felt the need to express my feeling to "someone" and what better "someone's" than my LC friends! Love to you all, Paddy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Dearest Paddy. Me too, me too. It is just so hard. I am still even struggling w/ weekdays, but agree weekends are so hard. I wish we could have coffee and our little dogs could romp together. Love P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 You are right Paddy, it is easy to keep busy during the week. Where are your friends on the weekends? - singles that work or volunteer at the senior center? Suggest movie matinees and an early dinner, visit local attractions - museums, gallaries, zoos etc. Don't wait for people to come to you - go to them. As I have said before better to get a NO than no response at all. I hate being home alone at the times that Earl and I were home alone together. Don't know if that ever changes, so I try to keep that time to a minimum. Just some ideas and some commiseration with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SBeth Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Dear Paddy, I understand as well. I, too, hate the weekends. I used to live for them. I always used to sneak out early on a Friday so I could get home and be with Bill. We were inseperable on the weekends and had so many common interests. It seems like all the things we loved to do together are impossible for me to get any enjoyment out of alone and that makes ANY free time painful. I think that Sunday mornings are the worst for me. We used to go to Mass on Saturday night so we could be lazy all morning on Sunday, laying around with (my) coffee and (his) tea, reading the paper, hanging out in the pool, off on the Harley. I'm so lonesome for him and hurt so much when I allow myself to dwell on my loss. I'm tired of being told that I need to get out more, get on with my life, sell my house, I'm tired of advice about what will make me feel better. Maybe I just don't want to feel better yet? Does anyone else feel like that? Sometimes I'm afraid that if I do start to feel better, will I forget him? There isn't a book to read to tell me how to grieve, there isn't a right or wrong way to grieve, but I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with you Paddy...having someone physically close by that understands is the best medicine. I didn't mean to go off on a tirade about my own issues, but your post really hit home as I sit here this Friday afternoon...dreading the upcoming weekend. Love to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 (((((((((((((((Paddy)))))))))))))) I know how you feel. Like others, I seemed to be fine during the week and would then fall to pieces on the weekend. I so missed the things Dennis and I used to do together. I just felt like half of me was missing...and it was. Katie had some great ideas, as she ususlly does. If your town is anything like mine, there is always some event going on during the weekends that need volunteers. This is a great way to get out and to make new friends. I know there are a lot of people in your same situation, feeling the same way you do. If there's not a support group in your area, I think you're the perfect person to start one. Starting a support group requires the ability to have compassion, understanding and be a great listener. Paddy, I know you have all of those characteristics. Give it some thought??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 Boy Paddy this is a good topic. I think now the weekends aren't as hard as they were. I pretty well had a double whammy. My divorce and move had me away from my family then when Johnny died I was completely alone. I never wanted to leave my house. I tried church but could do nothing but cry. I talked to my children every Sunday but felt like all I had to say was hallow. I couldn't even remember our conversations. When I tried to go somewhere I couldn't get far before I found myself running back to the home that Johnny and I shared. Johnny was gone a little over a year when I moved here. This place of serene beauty and isolation is what helped me. It took me months before I started attending the church here. I became part of another family our community family. I still talk to my family every Sunday and I miss them terribly. The truth is I miss Denis too when the weekend comes. We always had such big family dinners. I have managed to turn those lost feelings on the weekends around. I look forward to time at home after working all week. I don't find myself filling every minute with work any more. Instead I look forward to some time to lose myself in my memories. It has been nearly 4 years sense Johnny died and six months sense my ex died. There are a lot of good and bad memories that go with both of those relationships. Like Beth I have to relive those memories. They can be very painful but I am terrified that I will lose them and that is all I have left of Johnny. I have my children from Denis but from Johnny all I have are the memories and there are still times that they hurt so much I don't think I can bear it but the alternative is even more painfull. I can't forget so I use the weekend to go back and relive them in my heart and mind. I don't think the pain will ever really go away. Just once in a while it will take a back seat for a few minutes and that is what helps me keep going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jduenges Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Dear Paddy, I just read your post. My Mom feels exactly the same way you do. I feel so bad. I just cannot imagine what it must be like. It just breaks my heart. My Mom doesn't have many friends and no hobbies really. We do try to keep her busy especially on weekends. Take care, Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adela Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 Yep weekends are hard. Ed would get up and do bill writing and cook breakfast. He was a big believer in eating at home. Grief and accepting it is hard work. The facilitator at the support group will always say grief work is hard. It is Ok to grieve......and say you are grieving. At this point in my life I am not happy(whatever the definitation may be) I allow myself fun times and content moments and crying moments. Most people do not understand the grief process, so the comments are meant to try to make you feel better. It is really a very indiviual journey that each of us are traveling. I started hiking each weekend, Ed introduced me to hiking in the beautiful mountains of Seattle. I miss him a lot. Paddy I can't even go to church. Take care, Adela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 I can speak for my Mom on this one.... she ALWAYS says... "I can make it through the week, but the weekends are the hardest"... so, I guess it is common to feel the loss most on those days when you would have been together doing things you enjoyed. I have no words of wisdom... only kind thoughts that the days get easier for you. Love, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 Just want you all to know that I hear you and my heart breaks for you all. I pray I never have to go through that, not until we are really old and late in life. You guys lost you love ones much much too young. May peace be with you all. They have to find a cure for this friggin disease... Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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