Scared

[bam451]

My mom, 56 years old and non smoker was diagnosed with NSLC in June 06. Her father passed away at 63 of LC, not sure which kind. He never got treated. He was a heavy smoker and smoked up til the day he died. My dad's brother also died of LC five years ago. I am so scared to loose my best friend, my mom. But I am also scared that this is my future. Are there any preventative tests? My mom only had symptoms for a month and she was diagnosed with IIIA or B (there is a disagreement). I just got married in April and I have having so much stress over my mom being sick. I am a newly wed.. I spend all my time at my parents. I am an only child, and although, my parents have NEVER put pressure on me to spend time with them, I have put that pressure on myself. I feel like I have to be there and it kills me that two months after I was married my mom is sick and I'm not at home anymore. And thats where I want to be.. How do you step back from it all? How do you find any normalcy? I just cant seem to. My husband is very supportive, but I know he deserves more. My mom is doing good right now.. She has one more round of chemo and her mass has shrunk by 77%. But it is still in three lymph nodes. Thanks for listening... I just cannot seem to get away from Cancer. With every breath I take I am reminded of this horrible disease.

[Andrea]

We are a lot alike. I also read your post in "My Story".

I too am an only child. My mom too got diagnosed in the middle of our wedding planning, her only symptom being a mild cough. My mom too, had a 5cm mass that went to her lymph nodes.My mom too, was Stage IIIA.

I also want you to know that like your mom, my mom's tumor shrank and the good news is that after chemo shrunk the tumor, she was able to get surgery.

It seems like that is the direction your mom is going in too

I am not sure how you step back. In time you WILL get used to the new normal. At first it is hard to believe it, but you do.

Keep us posted and I truly hope your mom continues with shrinkage and surgery. I know others here too who were IIIB and also had surgery after shrinkage.

[Don Wood]

With your family history, you may want to get at least a chest x-ray every year. I have said that children of cancer survivors have a double whammy: first, the threatened loss of a parent; and, second, the threat of getting the disease themselves through genes.

There is no "normal" with lung cancer, in the sense of things going back to the way they were. We talk here about the "new norm" -- the way life is after the cancer -- and making the best of it. If you make that transition, you will be less stressed; if you don't, you will be very unhappy and extremely stressed.

You do have your own life with your husband, and that needs the proper attention also. It will be hard to juggle, but you need to nourish your marriage as well, even through this.

My best wishes to you. Keep us posted. Don

[Sis]

Your Mom's diagnosis & timeline are very similar to my sister's. I'm so glad your Mom has decided to fight it out. My sister is also a never-smoker and athlete who was totally shocked by her diagnosis. But just like you, we are ALL in for the fight and will accept nothing but positive results. That's what hope is all about.

I fell upon this web site, and it has been so very helpful. The wonderful, caring, and knowledgable people here have been a Godsend to me. I know you'll feel the same.

Wishing your Mom continued success. When I read about anyone's success, it gives me even more hope for my sister. Keep us posted. Sis

[j's girl]

I am very sorry for everything you are experiencing right now. I recently lost my Mom to this disease. Through out Mom's battle and in the time that we've been without her, has been hard on my marriage and I've been married for almost 7 years. What I've learned through it all is that you really have to communicate with your spouse. What seems obvious to you, isn't to him. When my husband sees me with tears in my eyes and asks what is wrong, I feel like screaming at him because he should know what is wrong. But he has no idea what is going on in my head and my heart unless I tell him.

I'd have a discussion with your husband and tell him that you are feeling very torn right now. Tell him what you need from him and ask him what he needs from you. Chances are you'll work out a compromise that works for everyone and you can spend time with your parents without any feelings of guilt. You've got to take care of yourself and go with what feels the most "right"(even though nothing is going to feel right).

Wishing your Mom continued success in her fight.

[Nick C]

Bam, a lot going on in your post. I too was an only child. It is pressure. But be supportive, available///that's all you can do. The doctors will do their job and God will have the final say.

Re: your fate. If you are a smoker...please quit. If you are not, you certainly have a much better shot of NOT meeting the same fate.

I will disagree with Don (respectfully) about the chect x-ray. X-rays are inadequate. My mother did chest x-rays and tumor markers every year. She did a chest x-ray and tumor markers in July of 06 which was clear. She died October 5th...And that tumor was there a long time!!! The better test is the low dose radiation spiral CT scan...talk to your dr about it. It may not be covered by insurance, but I am hoping to change that...I'll be posting about that in the activism section soon!

Peace.

[bam451]

Well, My maternal grandfather, who died of LC was a heavy smoker. He died at the age of 63. My dad's brother, he smoked for many years, but had quit over 15 years ago, died at 59, and now my mom, who never smoked, but obviously was around it growing up was diagnosed. It's a very scary thing. I know there are all these studies that it's genetic. I dont smoke, never have, and have been raised in a smoke free environment. Thanks God! What a gift that is! But you start to look back at all the friends I've had along the way that were/are heavy smokers. I cannot even hang out with them when they smoke. It scares me too much. But thanks for all of your replys. I try and take it one day at a time.. I love my husband, and I love my parents. I wish I coudl be in two places at once = ) As much as I feel like I can never escape "cancer", it kills me when I'm not there.

[RandyW]

Excellent ideas here. Sometimes a ddr. will not do an xray unless there is a reason for one. SOMETIMES and all Drs. policies are different.

I think one of the best things is to be very aware of your body and the symptoms of something that may be wrong. Right now there is a lot going on in Vaccine and Early Detection research.but sadly enough, everything comes down to funding. whole new problem. My late wife developed a cough leading too what she called laryngitis. Her doctor called it LUNG CANCER.

If you develop cough, shortness of breath, hoarseness, or anything out of the normal, See your Doctor. That of course gives them cause for Xray or tests. I have a very good friend who developed a cough and Shortness of Breath. SHe knew this was not normal and Went to her family Doctor. 2 Surgeries and 1 round of Chemo and she is No evidence of Disease or NED as we here call it. PURE LUCK THE FIRST TIME CAUGHT!!

Prayers for all to go ok as ok can be, and take care of yourself also. You have to be healthy to take care of Parents!!