I have more questions

[pewjumper]

Hi everyone. I feel as though something's not right with me. As I've said, mom had stage IIB Adenocarcinoma and had a lobectomy for which we found a 4.5 cm tumor and only one hilar lymph node positive. Now we're planning adjuvant chemo.

Everyone keeps telling me that she's lucky and that there's a good chance for a cure, but why am I still freaking out!?? I'm so scared of finding out bad news or finding out that it's back. I know that never goes away, but how long am I going to be a nut job about this?

Does Adenocarcinoma pose a greater threat of recurrence than other types of NSCLC? If so, is the treatment going to be different based on that?

When they did the lobectomy, did the surgeon take out the mediastinal lymph nodes? And if he did, would that decrease her chance of having cancerous cells spread through them?

Chemo sounds so terrible and scary? Is she going to be ok with all that?

I have so many questions racing around my head, and no matter how much I research and try to stay calm, I always end up freaking out over all this. It all comes down to this.. "Is my mom going to be ok?!?!"

Thank you all. I'm experiencing one of those moments when the walls close in and I just needed to scream for a while. (But if someone has answers to my questions, it might help.)

[carolhg]

We all have experienced those moments of fear and anxiety. Your life is certainly changed after lung cancer. Some refer it the 'New Normal'. I think as time goes by it will get better. It has been a year and a half for me but I still on occasion take anti-anxiety medication. For you, it is your mother and I know that is very difficult for you. Please do continue to come here for support. We do understand.

Carol

[RandyW]

Can not answer all the questions myself but can helpa little I think.

1) Adenocarcinoma, I am not sure about recurrence rate. I do know that this is the most commmon type of NSCLC and therefore the most researched. this makes it more treatable.

2) The question about the Mediastinal nodes might be answered by the surgeon I think? I would hope he took out the bad stuff. My late wife had no surgery so I can not offer a lot of info. I would call the surgeon on that question though.

3) Chemo is nasty. HTe put these chemicals in a persons body that can kill the cancer and the patient gets bad side efffects. The alternative is a lot worse though. Funny but true story here. Met a man once ot Debs Oncologist Office who was flying to Oklahoma Cancer center for a second opinion. ASked why was he a t doctors office on morning of flight and he told me, I have all this chemo in my body and some of those airport devices are so sensitive that the sniffer type things might go off and he needed a letter to explain why he was setting off chemical sniffer alarms. Too funny. HTe alternative too chemo can be so much worse sometimes.

Grab an organizer for questions, test results, appointments or anything you might want to write down. Get awater botttle and some cheese and crackers or some fruit for chemo treatments. Spend as much time as you want and can with mom doing all kinds of fun things that you both enjoy doing. Go to chemo on the 27th and spend the day and night with her if you do not now, in case of side effects, and enjoy each others company. Welcome to the New Normal!!!!Sending prayers and thoughts. Keep us posted with anything and everything you need, OK?! we are always around for you.

[ernrol]

Your mom at IIb is a very treatable situation. The chemo can clean up any undetected cancer. Chemo for some is very difficult and others have no side effects at all. I was very fortunate in that I had aggressive chemo and had no bad side effects. I can not tell you why there is such a difference. It is important that your mother wants the treatment and feels that it is going to heal her. I think the power of suggestion can have an effect on how one reacts to chemo. I was told that I would be very sick, but I am stubborn and my mother might tell you I never did as I was told. I think that if you believe that you will not get sick, you may not. I think my believing that I would not get sick, that the chemo would work and that God could heal me all went into helping me get where I am today.

You want to be there for your mom and help her be positive. I know it may be difficult at times, but freaking out and stressing yourself out will not help the situation. Think of yourself as a major player on a winning team. Your mom has a good start toward a cure.

Keep us posted,

Stay positive,

Ernie

[Treebywater]

Go ahead and scream! We've all had to a time or two (or two million). And this is a safe place to do it.

Of course you are scared... Of course you have questions... This is your Mom we're talking about!

When we hear the word, "Cancer" applied to someone we love so much, the world gets tossed on it's head. When we learn the scariness of Lung Cancer specifically, the tossing continues.

I don't have answers to your specific questions, but I DID want you to now that it's not that something isn't 'right' with you. It's that... you and your Mom (who I can tell from your posts you just love so very, very much) have just been dealt a tremendous blow. And when that happens, it takes a while for the world to stop shaking.

It will get better. You will settle into 'new normal.' You will start to learn how to walk through the scariness of it all.

For now, be gentle with yourself and know that your Mom is SO LUCKY to have you fighting this fight with her.

[pewjumper]

Unfortunately I woke up this morning with the walls still falling in on me. I actually went to the living room and fell asleep sitting in the chair (I'm really exhausted lately), and when I woke up, Mom was sitting across the room and the very first thought in my head was "What if she's not ok? What would I do without her?"

And still I've been like this the most of the day. I was very insistent that she attend the wellness group tonight. I fear that her own self-doubt and attitude will be her greatest enemy, so anything I see that positively affects her is a MUST in my book. Now I just need something that makes me positive.

I hate this. I HATE IT. I want to go back to October 12th when we were preparing for a fun birthday event and looking forward to Thanksgiving with the family and NEVER thought about lung cancer or dying. I want to know she's going to be around for 20 or 30 more years. I don't want her to be sick.

What a nightmare. . .

[RandyW]

Finding the Light in the Shadow of Cancer by Lynn Eib at barnes & Noble in the Inspirational Section. This book may help you out some. It has worked for me.

Enjoy the moments, Do not let the cancer ruin your lives. You have to ruin its life. hte panic is normal but don't let it consume you every minute of every day. It is not good for either one of you.

Wishes and prayers.

[Maryanne]

I understand your anxiety and how scared you are. I know your mom will be alright you have to believe that... not what if..... That does not help the situation. You must have faith in her doctors as they seem to be doing everything right.

Listen to what Katie told you. You cannot dwell in what is in the future, just be fortunate that she has a present. Take each day as a new beginning..

Take a deep breath.... breathe....

Looks like you may need some medication yourself to help you cope. Why don't you put a visit to your primary and get something to help you take the edge off.

Hang in there

Maryanne

[pewjumper]

Thanks everyone. I think my meltdown is over - or at least contained at the moment. I don't think I'm dealing well with this at all, but at least I've still managed to keep it together in front of her.

[Andrea]

You will freak out for awhile as that is part of the norm. I freaked out so much, I pulled away from the gas station with the pump still attached to my car

In the scheme of things, your mom is VERY lucky b/c surgery offers the best chance of a cure. It sounds scary as heck to do the chemo and radiation, but it is very doable. My mom is proof

You are on a roller coaster ride, I hope it slows a bit for you soon.

[Eileen4]

Hi Pewjumper! I'm just now reading your posts and feel so bad for you and your mum. I'm pretty new here myself, having just being diagnosed this summer and having a lobectomy like your mum. I know how the panic can rise up and freak you out. It's horrible. But you sound like you've got a good grip on things and the obvious love you have for your mum has got to be great help to her as she goes through this thing. Please keep in touch and let us know how you're doing. Sending healing thoughts out to you.

Eileen

[Eileen4]

Ps...I really like the Wellness Group idea. I'd love to have something like that available. How did your mum get involved in that?

[pewjumper]

I came home for my lunch break tonight and found her on the couch, crying. That's at least the third time it's happened. She's so scared.

I tried to bring myself back together and go back to work. I got to the office and sat there for an hour and the thought of her all alone in this house, terrified and crying just tore at me.

So I came home and worked from here. Just my presence in the house, even though I was in my room, she was better. She got up and made cookies and then some friends started calling. Later this evening we opened our gifts. We're leaving town as soon as I get off work tomorrow, so we figured we'd go ahead and do it.

After such a sentimental evening, I guess it's to be expected that I'd come to my room and feel so scared. I don't want her to be afraid; I want her to be confident that she can get better. She says I'm a great encouragement, but I'm obviously not convincing enough since she's still so scared. I'm convinced that her outlook is very good; but I know she needs to see that in order for her to beat this. I'd gladly and easily trade everything I have and walk through fire just to make her better, but there's not a person on here who wouldn't do the same for their loved ones. I read all of your stories and how those of you who've lost loved ones have grieved and hurt so bad. Oh God I don't want to experience that. How I wish I could take on this disease for her.

Eileen, we were referred to the wellness community by a member of this forum, Tina, who lives nearby and also by mom's oncologist. It has been a tremendous help. Tuesdays (the days of her meetings) are Mom's best days. I think she leaves that place with more confidence in her ability to live than at any other time.

[joanie55]

Hi,

I feel for you so much, expecially as a mom with young adult children. I know how hard this must be.

I think you are amazing, but probably could use a little help, as we all could. Why don't you ask either mom's doc or someone at the wellness group if there is something for children or family members of LC survivors. I know we have that in New York.

Also, your mom may benefit from a mood stabilizer or antidepresent. Lots of survivors are put on that right away. This isn't easy, but thankfully, it sounds like your mom's cancer was caught relatively early, which is wonderful.

Hope this helps.

Joan

[Eileen4]

I think you're being amazingly strong for your mum. And you have motivated me to start looking around for something similar to the Wellness center your mother uses as I badly need some support. I have become very depressed in the past month and like you, feel that I need to remain very, very positive and believe I can beat this or else I am doomed. But without any support system it's very hard to do that.

You mentioned that you are leaving town for the holidays, so may I wish both you and your mum a very special,safe, and peaceful trip together.

Best wishes to you both.

Eileen

[tnmynatt]

Mitchell,

You may know all this. But, crying is actually healthy--it relieves stress and is part of the grieving process. Grieving the loss of a "normal" life and the need to have a new "normal" now is part of the healing process. Your lives have taken a dramatic turn with this cancer diagnosis.

I agree that your mom (and you) may need anti-depressants to get through this difficult time. Many have needed this temporarily. It's really ok and not a sign of weakness as many think. It's a sign of strength to recognize a need and to ask for help. Didn't mean for this to sound like preaching. Really just trying to be helpful.

Eileen: Where do you live? Perhaps I can help you look for local support.

Blessings all!

[Eileen4]

Hi Tina,

I live in St. Petersburg, Florida and would love any help or info about the kind of support Mitchell's mum found. Thanks in advance!

Eileen

[tnmynatt]

Eileen,

Having trouble finding much help. Here is the American Cancer Society address and phone number:

Sun Coast Area

4801 86th Avenue North

Pinellas Park, FL 33782

Phone: (727)546-9822

They should be able to put you in contact with a local support group. I will keep looking. Take care.

[tnmynatt]

Eileen,

This may be too far away. But, I did find the following Wellness Community information:

SOUTHWEST FLORIDA

3900 Clark Road, Bldg. P-3

Sarasota, FL 34233

Ph: 941.921.5539

Fax: 941.921.5061

Satellite of Southwest Florida

410 4th Avenue East

Bradenton, FL 34208

[Eileen4]

Thanks for these Tina. Both Sarasota and Bradenton are a bit too far away but I will call the ACS on Tuesday. I doubt that St. Pete will have anything though. Don't know why but I've always found it difficult to find support groups for anything in this city. Even trying to quit there was never a support group around that was in action. And this is not a small town either. Go figure. But thanks for your help.

[tnmynatt]

Mitchell,

Sorry I hijacked your thread. I started a new thread in the local support group forum. Should have done that all along. Eileen see the following link:

http://lchelp.org/l_community/viewtopic.php?t=27174

[pewjumper]

Tina,

I'm most honored that my thread could be hijacked to help somebody else - especially as much as the wellness community has helped us.

I've been away for a few days. My mom decided on the spur of the moment that she really wanted to go home (we are from eastern KY and live in Knoxville) for Christmas eve. We usually go to her older sister's house but had kicked that thought this year with all that's going on plus I had to work Saturday night and I have to be back at work at nine in the morning. We just thought it would be too hard.

However, she really wanted to go and at this point, like I said, I'd cut off my limbs to help her with anything. So immediately after work late Saturday night, we loaded up and headed 'home.' We had a wonderful visit today and we just got home (3:30AM). Now I'm debating whether or not to even go to sleep.. lol.

Mom did a lot of crying through our little trip. As we got close to Pikeville, she cried saying she missed the mountains. Then she was ok for most of the day but as we got ready to leave, she broke down again. But this time there was a huge room full of family that REFUSES to let her feel that way. So while they talked to her and encouraged her, I slipped away in the background and couldn't help but cry a little myself. I guess it was just because I could. She wasn't watching me, everyone else was doing the job I normally do, and I felt relieved.

Thank you all for such wonderful support. Mom has struggled with depression for many years, so she's already on medicine but we discussed it in the car and we both agreed she may need something stronger. Wednesday is her first chemo treatment, so no doubt difficult days are ahead. I'm thankful I can come here to vent and read such encouraging responses. You all are wonderful.