StephanieJane Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 I have tried very hard to remain positive...and for the most part, I have been successful. My biological father passed away when I was in first grade. He had been separated from my mother since I was an infant and had no caontact with my brother and I since then until his untimely death when I was still a small child. The dad I speak of in this forum has been a part of my life since I was four years old and has been the most stable and consistent influence in my life since I was in grade school. Tonight some friends had a Christmas party. It started out upbeat and cheerful, but at a point in the evening the conversation shifted to my dad and his cancer. I am willing to talk very openly about my feelings and my hurts and the impact that this disease has had on me...and here is how I really feel. I am 30 years old. A single mom...unmarried...and I lean on my dad for many things. He has always been there to help me and support me and has been such a great friend to me over the years that I have really never felt the pain associated with growing up without my "real" dad...I have always had a very real dad and been very thankful for that. In spite of his treatments and his resilience and his willingness to fight this awful disease, I know that his odds (with stage IV cancer) are not good and that it is likely that I will lose my dad within the next few years...even if his treatments go well. And that stinks. My dad is supposed to have a starring role in my wedding. He is supposed to attend the births of ALL of my children. He is supposed to meet the man I will someday marry and to tell me he thinks that man is perfect for me and that we have his blessing. He is not supposed to die. I know I should remain positive and I know that I should not grieve for the living and I am trying my best to keep a fighting spirit...but I also know what we are faced with and I just think that it is so entirely unfair. and some days that is really hard for me. and maybe I should be stronger or more upbeat and I would never admit this to my dad...but I feel defeated already and I absolutely hate it. How do you stay positive in the face of such a grim diagnosis? I just don't know how to do it. My world is just closing in around me. I just don't know if I am strong enough to handle this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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