melindasue37 Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 What a very interesting topic. And I have enjoyed reading what each of you has had to say. I've heard it said here often........we begin to learn how to live with our new normal. I think that I am settling into that new place. I miss Mom every minute of every day but she wouldn't want any of us to get stuck in the grieving process and not be able to move on. I also don't think people choose to be in that place. It is just so easy to do when you've been hurt so deeply. I think that by talking about it you begin to heal. I'm so glad you brought this up Don and I'm not surprised that you have such a great outlook on what you and your family has been through. Your attitude is contagious!! Hugs to you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jyoung20 Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Don, We are blessed by having you here!! God Bless You!!! Jamie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 I'll have a try on this subject. We all grieve in different ways. For myself, I keep one day a month for that the 13th, that day is for Mike and all day I mentally enjoy his company, tears are not allowed but laughter is and I'm sure by all the wonderful things that happened to me on those days that Mike smiles down on me that day and all the other days of the month. He wanted me to be happy all the years we were together so why not be happy even if he could not keep me company longer than he did?. Love you Mike. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomsGirl Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 This IS a very interesting topic. I'm not sure how I feel about it...in the middle, I suppose. I think grieving can be such an individual thing, just like anything else in life. People handle things differently. However, I do admire you, Don, for having such a positive outlook on things...it really did get me thinking. Thanks for that post! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crystleshoe Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 They say that grief is a series of steps ( disbelief,sadness anger etc.) some people seem able to move thru this whole process faster than others. I dont believe there is any "right or wrong" way to come to terms with the loss of a loved one. I can only relate to the death of my mom as I have never had to deal with anything like this before. My mom just passed away on Jan 13 and although we were kinda prepared for it (i guess) it is still like a stinging slap in the face every time I go to call her and then realize that I cant. I go to work everyday and take care of my family and do all the "normal things" but there is always that little hole in my heart. I think the hardest thing is that I fought so hard for her to get better and I was not ready to give up the fight just yet. But i dont know if I ever would have been. This whole experience has made me a kinder and more gentle person because I never know what a person is having to deal with and maybe if I am nicer to them or more understanding it might just help in someway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanaBrooke Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 When I was reading this I thought of this post- so I just wanted to post it! Â LET IT SINK IN - THEN CHOOSE >> >> >> >> >> >>Â John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good >mood >>and >>Â always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how >>he >>Â was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" >> >> >> >>Â He was a natural motivator. >> >> >> >>Â If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the >>employee >>Â how to look on the positive side of the situation. >> >> >> >>Â Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and >>asked >>Â him, "I don't get it! >> >> >> >>Â You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" >> >> >> >>Â He replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two >>Â choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can >>choose >>Â to be in a bad mood >> >> >> >>Â I choose to be in a good mood." >> >> >> >>Â Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I >>can >>Â choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. >> >> >> >>Â Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept >>their >>Â complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I >choose >>the >>Â positive side of life. >> >> >> >>Â "Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested. >> >> >> >>Â "Yes, it is," he said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away >>all >>Â the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to >>Â situations. You choose how people affect your mood. >> >> >> >>Â You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's >>your >>Â choice how you live your life." >> >> >> >>Â I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Radio Tower >>Â Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought >>Â about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it. >> >> >> >>Â Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious >>accident, >>Â falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. >> >> >> >>Â After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was >released >>Â from the hospital with rods placed in his back. >> >> >> >>Â I saw him about six months after the accident. >> >> >> >>Â When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd >be >>Â twins...Wanna see my scars?" >> >> >> >>Â I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone >through >>his >>Â mind as the accident took place. >> >> >> >>Â "The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my >>Â soon-to-be born daughter," he replied. "Then, as I lay on the >ground, >>I >>Â remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I >could >>Â choose to die. I chose to live." >> >> >> >>Â "Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked >> >> >> >>Â He continued, "..the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I >was >>Â going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the >>Â expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really >>scared. >>Â In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take >>action." >> >> >> >>Â "What did you do?" I asked. >> >> >> >>Â "Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said >>John. >>Â "She asked if I was allergic to anything 'Yes, I replied.' The >>doctors and >>Â nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep >>breath >>Â and yelled, 'Gravity'." >> >> >> >>Â Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on >>me as >>Â if I am alive, not dead." >> >> >> >>Â He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his >>Â amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we have the >>choice >>Â to live fully. >> >> >> >>Â Attitude, after all, is everything. >> >> >> >>Â Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about >>Â itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. >> >> >> >>Â After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. >> >> >> >>Â You have two choices now: >> >> >> >> >> >>Â 1. Delete this >> >> >> >> >> >>Â 2. Forward it to the people you care about. >> >> >> >> >> >>Â You know the choice I made. >> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollyanne Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 Don - I so agree with you -- it is a choice. My mom and Lucie made it "easier" for us with their tremendous faith. I don't worry about my mom, I just miss her. I know that she would be furious with me if she thought my life was standing still. I watch my dad, they were married 47 years -- he has stayed very busy, has discovered a faith he never had (a great gift) and gets through every day. He mad the choice to go on as he says, "I promised your mom, we would make it..and go on." I don't think anyone of us will ever stop missing our loved ones, but I do know that life has so many beautiful things to offer and that the promise of being with them is what keeps me going. I am so happy to hear that you are hanging in there. Fondly, Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 Thank you all for your wisdom. I "won" this fight; today I am still here. But that doesn't mean much in the greater cycle of things -- Life. It -- all of it -- is about attitude. Thank you all again for the reminder. XOXOXOX MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j's girl Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Don, this is such an interesting post. I just had to add my 2 cents. First off, I am happy to hear you are doing as well as you are Don. You have a great perspective on things. Is it easier today then just after Mom passed? Absolutely. Is it because of choices I made? Partially. Shortly after my Mom passed away, my Dad started seeking medical attention for his concerns and ended up being diagnosed with colon cancer in December. Because of my stressful load and my own health problems, my doc prescribed paxil for me. I was hesitant to take it, but am so glad that I did. It's given me a whole new perspective on things. Dad's been given a clean bill of health (ie they got it all through surgery). I'm closer to my Dad than I've ever been before, I have a 2 year old son that I absolutely adore and a great husband that supports me in every way. Basically, I have a great life apart from the fact that I miss my Mom. I choose to concentrate on the great part and tell myself that I can fly on my own and that my Mom has taught me well. I had 35 years with an exceptional Mom and feel very fortunate for that. I also agree with whoever said that you honor your loved one by living the best life you can. I really and truly miss my Mom. But I feel so fortunate that she fought as hard as she did. She is at peace now. No more struggle, no more guessing what is next. I can let her go knowing we did everything we could but it wasn't meant to be. There was a time a few months ago that I felt a little guilty for the joy in my life. But as a Mom, I am happiest when my child is happy. There is nothing in the world that compares to the feeling of seeing joy in your childs eyes. Knowing that, I know what my Mom wants for me - happiness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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