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My mom's cell phone


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Today I shut off my mother's cell phone. I've kept it on since she passed on January 2nd. I paid the bill each month she had it with her in the hosptial. It was the only thing left from her life before the illness. She had lost her apartment, her car, her career, clothes, her beloved cats (who are now with me) and life as she knew it. She looked at me one day and said "I need this phone, its my life-line" . With it she could call anyone, no restrictions. I felt proud of that. I kept it to hear her voice on the voicemail. The silence since she has passed as been very painful. I talk, and no response. I long to call her and for a moment when I would pick up the phone and call her cell phone, I could imagine her, her voice crisp and clear, almost as though she had every intention to get back to me. "mom, its me Sarah, give me a call, I love you" my standard message to her. Something so small like a cell phone, a voicemail, a connection to my mother. I miss her with every ounce of my being. After I had the service shut off-I called the phone one last time, her voicemail picked up and I left a message-I love you mom-. I called again and of course its shut off for good now. This grief stuff is no fun. Sarah

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I had saved all of the voicemails Brad left me on my cell. He had the greatest sense of humour, he would call knowing I was not near my cell or out of range or had turned it off at night and leave the nuttiest messages. I used to call my voicemail just to hear his voice and try and re~live some of the good times before he died.

I never realized that the service provider deletes those saved messages after a certain time frame. I was devastated to call one day and find out that the messages were gone. Forever.

This grief stuff is no fun, you are so right. It is very, very hard. Probably the hardest thing we ever have to deal with and cope with. It gets bearable..

Keep posting, lean on us. We understand and we are here for you.



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how understandable! how heartbreaking! be strong

i lost my mom on jan 10th, i remember her voice, her eyes, especially her smile where i could just absolutely see the love she had for me everytime she looked at me. i cant help but smile (while my eyes tear up) everytime i remember, which is all the time. yes, this really bites!

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I know how you feel I call my dad hoping that he doesnt answer so I can hear moms voice again. My mom had this tiny little black Coach purse that she loved, she had asked me to take it home when she was in the hospital so it wouldnt get ruined or stolen, I kept it on my dresser waiting to give it back to her when she came home but when she passed away i carried it to the wake and funeral, only my sisters and I knew that Mom would have wanted that bag to be there, I am still carrying that purse even though it is way to small and I cant fit all my stuff in it but when I think of using a different one I cant bring myself to do it. I guess its all the crazy little things we do that help keep us sane.

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I have moms phone, her glasses, every little thing that made her who she was. I have the messages, I listen to them, her voice cracks and she sounds like a child in some. I long for the phone to ring and see her on my caller ID... I know everything you are saying. My heart is broken along with yours.

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