At what point do we know what we are dealing with?

[VegasMomOf3]

Hi there,

My mom had her biopsy on Friday and will know the results this Tuesday. Will we know everything at that point or after she has her PET scan in a week??

Also, what is the best way to deal with a sibling who seems to have a "the sky is falling" attitude and insists that websites like this aren't for him. I just spoke with him on the phone and he told me that "it's not looking good" because Mom can walk 15 yards without getting winded. I suggested that he visit this website to read some of the amazing stories that I had but he refused. I am concerned that his attitude may rub off on my parents.

Be Blessed,

Donna

[RandyW]

Well first off, the skty is not falling. When the treatment plans are made and started, things should start to improve some. Kinda like taking medicine for something that is swollen. It may take a couple of days but it will get better and easier when you start fixing it. If the meeting on tuesday is about the Biopsy results, that is the important one. That will tell you ALL the basics of what is happening. The pet scan will show where most if not all the little Boogers are at. HTat being the cancer cells, in the body.

My thoughts on tuesday are these;

What Kind of cancer is it?

What kind of treatment?

What kind of side effects?

Ask about supplements like Multivitamins and such. The oncologist has to know every pill that Mom takes no matter what it is. Includes aspirin!!

How long are treatments and how oftenare they given?

What stage is this Cancer?

What Type is this cancer?

These are the basic questions to ask. do not listen or worry if you get the Time frame of this is how long. We laugh pretty hard at that because most here if not all, have outlived their doctors prognosis. that is just a number so do not let it scare you.

Take a note book or small organizerfor notes. Doctor may even allow if asked a tape recorder for notes, but ask first!!

Say a prayer,

[lc46]

Hi and welcome to a great site and a wonderful supportive group of people.

You will most likely find out after the biopsy what type of cancer it is-small cell or non small cell (more common). After Pet, Mri's Cat Scans you will find out most likely the stage and if it has spread outside the lung. It is a shock and we have all been there @ the beginning stages of uncertainty but once you find out what you are dealing with and get a plan started you will feel much better.

Please stay with us-this is the only place that gave me any hope for my Mom. If you read her time-line she has the more aggressive cancer and was in really bad shape. It's been 9 months now and we are taking things one day @ a time which unfortunately with this disease you really have to.

Take Care

Dar

[Donna G]

You really don't know all until the tests are completed and a plan is proposed. I don't know how bad your Momls Emphysema is but that also would factor into the plan. She is also fairly young so that should also factor in. Keep us posted.

Don't worry about your brother right now , if he is in the middle of this perhaps that is all he can cope with right now.

Donna G

[fillise]

Welcome!

You will know more after results of the biopsy and PET scans are in. But I'm pretty sure the 'sky is not falling" no matter what those results are. Take things one day at the time and you will learn to help your mom walk this path.

You can't control how others deal with the diagnosis. You can be positive and proactive and make sure your mom knows what treatments are available. If you haven't already, head over to Dr. West's site www.onctalk.com and read up on treatment options--especially after you have your diagnosis. I suspect your brother just can't deal with or desn't want the responsibility for being a proactive advocate for your mom. There are many people her who found relatively quick relief from SOB once treatment has begun, but she needs someone to advocate for her and so I'm glad she has you!

Susan

[missyk]

Welcome...but sorry you had to find this place. It's a wonderful community of caring people who offer great advice, HOPE, and support....but it's not for everyone.

My brother and sister never stopped by...my Mom and I both came fairly often, though I posted way more often than Mom. My brother was always SO supportive of Mom...yet always carried around an attitude in the background that she wasn't trying hard enough or doing enough things to get better. I understand your frustration.

There will be the results of the biopsy (for what KIND of cancer it is) and then the staging process is usually done with the PET scan...it gives a look at the whole body to see what's what and where the cancer might have spread to. Then there's the possibility of an MRI to check the brain if they think that's needed. And never be afraid of getting a second (or third!) opinion!!! It's a process that feels like it takes forever. Once that's all done, then a treatment plan can be worked on and you'll find yourselves in more of a "routine".

Best of luck to you and your Mom!! Please, keep us posted on how she (and you!) are doing!

[Shelley (MLC)]

Hi Donna, I think the others have pretty much said it all. I will tell you that my mom has never been to this site. She prefers that I do all the research, ask the tough questions and "screen" the info for her. I have 3 sisters and 1 brother and I think only one of my sisters checks in here once in awhile. She just reads my posts and doesn't post anything of her own. All my siblings are very supportive of mom, but I think they are very afraid to face some of the hard facts of this disease. All are very happy for me to be the spokesperson for the family! I don't really mind, I'm the oldest after all. Let your brother know some of the good stories you read on this site and maybe he'll be ready sometime down the road. Good luck with the MRI. Shelley

[Welthy]

Everyone deals with things in their own way and you can't be responsible for how everyone feels. Go easy on your brother and yourself! This is an extremely emotional time for a family.

Once you get all the information and a treatment plan is in place you will ALL feel better.

Welthy

[blueeye]

Thank you Welthy...I needed to hear that before I send my brother a "nasty-gram".

At least her brother is giving an almost normal response. It did sound like to me that the sky was falling. Only with more information did I move on to understanding...somewhat.

[daddyslittlegirl]

I'm so sorry for everything you are dealing with right now. I know how tough it is. When my dad was first diagnosed I too felt like the sky was falling. Then I found this site and all of the wonderful people here. I have 3 siblings and at first all they they did was try to prepare me for the worst. Now I have found so much hope here and stories I could share. I now have 2 of my siblings helping to give my Dad hope. We all have our way of dealing with things. It does take time though to get passed the shock and start to figure out how to win the battle. I pray that all of that starts to get a little clearer for you and your family once you get the results. Hang in there.

[tjrasMOM]

Donna,

I just posted on this site for the first time the other day as well. My mom just met her oncologist Thursday. He went over the biopsy results with her, however, we got a little confused because the pulmonary specialist said there was cancer found in the tissue....but then the oncologist said they didn't find cancer cells in the biopsies but instead found the "suspicious cells" in the brush biopsy. For a second there, I almost lost it in his office because I thought he was saying it was a mistake...that there was NO cancer. He still wasn't able to say what type, what stage, where, etc. So, in some cases I'm assuming...like my mom's.....the PET scan (scheduled for Tuesday) will show us more. After reading your post & replies I think I'll write those same questions down & see if we can get some answers when we meet with the oncologist again Thursday. As for your brother, I sympathize with him because I have days when I am like that. I have a strong personality & my mom's sisters are so thankful that I'm there as her advocate....but as soon as I leave my mom & drive away, I start sobbing in the car on the way home. And my home is only 5 blocks away....and I have to pull myself together before I walk in to my girls (ages 4 & 7). But there are days when I feel like your brother. I look at my mom & hear her cough for hours, know she's throwing up every meal....and I just feel so helpless. And then there are other days when we laugh and find humor in everything. And I feel that we are going to fight, fight, fight & I will be there by her side, giving her strength when she doesn't have it...or just being there for her when she just needs silent company. I am very concerned with showing my sadness around my mom. If I look helpless, it can't be good for her. I have to stay strong for her. I know everyone handles this differently. Hopefully your brother will not give up emotionally and start to find his own strength. I'm glad I found this site. I just can't believe how many stories are out there & how similar they all are. It truly makes me feel supported. I hope it brings you the support you need as well.

Tova

[Maryanne]

Hi Donna,

Welcome to our family. That is what we are here and we are here to help you through this.

Let's wait till Tuesday until you find out more.

Just know that LC is not a death sentence as there are so mamy treatments out there.

Hang strong and keep us posted.

Maryanne

[VegasMomOf3]

Thank you all for the wonderful responses!! I must share with you all how my feelings and outlook has changed so much since I found this website and began educating myself - all for the better. I spent much of my weekend online - researching and reading many stories that you've all written. These have given me much hope. Bless you all!!

My other 2 siblings will arrive at Mom & Dad's this evening. So that makes both of my brothers and my sister are there and here I sit in Las Vegas. YIKES!! It's very stressful to not be there BUT I'm sure it would be extremely stressful to be there with my sibs. The highly emotional state would probably cause problems. So to keep myself busy, yet helping, I've begun the task of researching Mom & Dad's insurance coverage, provider network, etc...

Today I straightened out a glitch with their carrier that was holding up the scheduling of my Mom's PET scan. On their plan pre-authorization is not needed for this test BUT because 99% percent of all employer groups do an automatic pre-auth on this test, the system was defaulting. Fairly easy fix. I'm also creating a spreadsheet/plan comparison for them. My Dad was going to retire in a year but may have to now due to Mom's illness so they need to figure out if they will take the company retiree plan or a Medicare supplement plan. So I'm working on the "apples to apples" of each plan.

Mom is going in for a test tomorrow - forgot what it's called, but they put her on a bike and monitor her breathing. ????? And she will get her biopsy results too. My Dad and brother took her on a paddlewheel boat ride yesterday - they all had a nice time. Dad said it gave them a chance to just get away from it all. Mom asked Dad to take her for a drive today. My employer is being incredibly supportive which is a blessing.

Again, thank you all for the support. It means the world to me!!

Hugs,

Donna

[missyk]

I had to smile when I read this update on what you've been doing...reminds me so much of me when Mom was diagnosed! I'll let you know later if that's a good thing or not!

Please, let us know what Mom finds out!

Praying for the best results possible!