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Grieving more now than before


asmakis

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It's been just over two months since my dad's passing and I feel as though I'm grieving more now than I did when he first passed. I think the fact that I haven't seen him in a couple of months has really made me miss him. Knowing that I won't ever get to hug him or tell him a funny story about Madelyn, makes me so terribly sad. I am also newly pregant so I am sure my hormones are all over the place, but either way it's still grief knowing that there is nothing I can do to bring him back. I wish everyday that he were here and cancer free, but even that's not reality. It's funny, well not really funny, but I remember when the doctor told my dad that he only had a few months to live, I remember asking my dad how he was and he replied, "It's like I just got slapped in the face with a wet towel". I feel that same wet towel everyday.

I have continued to go on everyday, because my dad did remind me that I have responsibilities as a mother and wife, so I refuse to let him down. I just can't stop missing him.

-Amanda

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I remember that two months later was different and still very hard. And horomones were not a factor. And you don't need to attribute your grief to anything other than missing your dad.

I'm really sorry you are missing him...but I try to think that with every day that passes I am one day closer to holding mom again.

And I am sure that every day you still make him proud. Missing him and grieving doesn't count against you.

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I understand your feelings. Things also seemed to get harder for me as time went on (no hormones here either). You miss your dad and thats understandable. Its been almost 6 months for me and I still get that slapped in the face feeling alot. I hope that in time things will get easier.

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You'll never stop missing him...I understand- and I am sending hugs to you.

It's getting harder for me too.

I'm sorry I don't have words that can help, except the tired saying that "time" is the only thing that can help.

You made him proud and he is still so proud of you.

Remember that.

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I'm still very early in the process, and WAY too busy to grieve 'properly'. I had to close out the school year (I teach), close out Mom's house (in the process of doing so), and I've had most of my DH's family living with us since the day after my Mom's funeral (they are relocating here--at any time 4-6 people living here). I think that when things settle down here, it will hit me more.

I thought cancer was our 'new normal'. Maybe this is our 'newer normal'. We just do the best we can, and come here to be among friends when it gets too tough. That's my plan for right now, at least.

Losts of thoughts, hugs, and prayers being sent to you during this tough spot.

Kelly

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