Treebywater Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 I feel like the clouds are lifting in a lot of my life. When it comes to dealing with my Mom’s death I am in NO WAY ‘over it’ and the pain can still hurt like hell. Indeed I can still have a day or days or even a week or two of feeling like I’ve once again been hit by the, “My Mom died truck.” But… *I* am starting to feel alive again. I am starting to revel in joy and feel it as more than a fleeting thing. I am starting to relish little things again (my daughters’ smiles and giggles, cheesecake, sunshine, endorphins, refreshing conversations, new insights). It’s not just a lifting of the grief, it’s also a re-ordering of life that I’m doing a little here and a little there. In some ways I feel like I’m learning to be me and to be ok in that for the first time ever, and I don’t think any of that could have come without the chapter of grief that I’ve walked through. I’m NOT Pollyannaing. I still say I’d rather have Mom here and be a shallow idiot. Truly, this lift isn’t all about Mom or my departure from constantly actively mourning. Part of it is learning how to be me and learning how to be healthy. I just enjoy lifting my head and not feeling it drug down again by reminders of the grief. The loss is still there and still painful and I will always grieve. But finally life feels lighter. --Just a little blurb I wrote today. To prove to you all that I don't always whine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 I believe it is something like you are getting used to it.. I have days and moments also when I get hit by that "Grief Monster" and days when I am fine. We all learn to lve with it in our own ways, But we never get completely over it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzie Q Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 We walk by your side daily in this journey, Val. And you do NOT whine! You do eloquently express what you are going through; it actually validates what I am feeling or have felt. Sometimes it just feels good to know that those things are normal! So, for that, I thank you! ~Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomsGirl Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 Val, I think just losing our moms forces us to a new level of "good", for lack of a better term. It's hard to explain...when we no longer have Mom there to lean on, to seek advice from, to love us unconditionally. I don't know - slowly as time passes after she is gone, you come to realize that this is it, this is your life and everything she ever taught you and all the love she gave to you brought you to this chapter of your life, even it is too damn early for it to be happening. It's like a baby bird being pushed out of its nest. You have to learn to fly alone, to become a solo person/mom yourself, and to use all the tools and lessons and love she gave you to make the rest of your life what she would have wanted it to be for you. I don't know, I'm just babbling, but I get what you are saying. I'm not quite where you are, but I can sort of imagine it, and I guess that is promising. I am so glad you posted and that you are healing. And no need to explain that you are not "over it", etc...we all are in that special (sad) club and know that there is no getting over it. I don't think anyone could understand that hasn't lost someone very close to them... Thinking happy thoughts for you tonight! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teriw Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 I'm glad the clouds are lifting and that you are experiencing joy. Our loved ones would never want us to forget them or not miss them, but they would want us to know joy while we're here, and to learn from all our life with them taught us. I know my step-kids are so young to have lost a parent, but I know Bill will live on in them. Your mom will live on in you too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 I am go glad for you Val. You are blessed with such a beautiful family and Iam overwhelmed that this seems to the the most important priority in your life as it should be. There is sun behind those clouds. Your know your dad is taken care of and that she is a decent, nice lady. I know your mom is so proud of you and so happy you are moving on. Take care my friend, Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamataca Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 I am so thankful for your post. I am at that place right now where I truly can't envision a time when I don't feel like "this". I don't feel a lot of hope. Your post gives me a glimmer of promise that maybe this day will come. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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