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I feel so GUILTY!


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I can't bear to hear my sister right now. It has gotten to the point that I dread calling her, because I am so scared her voice will be weaker, or that I won't be able to understand what she says. It scares me to tears to hear her. She is so NOT what she used to be and I am having a difficult time dealing with this.

I am so ashamed for saying this, but I was hoping if I read it aloud then I would realize what a horrid person I am.

Sorry...I am feeling sorry for myself right now.

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It's ok to feel sorry for yourself here...we've all been there in one way or another...it's SO hard, and this is a safe place to be.

And Kasey and Sharon are right...you are a good sister and it's only because you love her so and it hurts you so......

I'm saying prayers for your sister, and for your strength too.

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Thank you for your replies. I just called my sister and my other sister answered and said Beverly is too weak to talk right now. I am afraid she is close to the end now. She can barely go to the bathroom alone anymore. I feel like she should be going to the hospital, but her doctors don't seem to be too concerned. How long can you be expected to be on chemo when you aren't getting better? Could this concoction they have her on now be what has got her so weak? (Topotecan and Avistan-once a weak.) I have yet to find anyone who has been on this combination. She is on oxygen..which has not helped.

I just don't know what to do..My parents are so frightened and there is nothing I can say to help them through this. I am going to need a lot of help getting through all of this. I am terrified of what may be coming.

Thanks for listening.

Bobby

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We are always glad to listen and help in anyway possible. Let it out It is ok. We have been there and can help get you and sis through all this. Saying an extra prayer for ya and Sister tonite under the stars..

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Bobbi--

I know how you are feeling right now. My dad can barely talk too without having a major coughing spasm that leaves him completely out of breath. I sometimes feel bad calling because I know how hard it is for him to talk.

You have been a wonderful source of strength and support for your sister. I have seen your posts and it is clear how much you love her.

I am sending you strength.

Best,

Leslie

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Bobbi--That's what we are here for. So you can vent and get your fears out here among people who understand. I'm sorry this is so terrifying for you, but I never for one minute thought you were horrible because of the pain you are in.

I will continue to hold you and your sister in my prayers,

Susan

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Try and keep this about her (your sisiter) and not aobut you and your feelings. Try and put your thoughts and feeling way off to the side. Listen to what she may have to say to you. Don't shut her down. My sister did that to my sisiter that was dying and it REALLY HURT my sister taht was dying.

You don't get any REDO when they are GONE!

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Bobbi,

Don't ever be ashamed of having those emotions and feelings. It's so scary to go thru this. If you didn't love your sister so much, it wouldn't hurt you that she's so sick. :(

To be honest, (although it's hard for me to admit), there have been times when I wanted to run away ~ as far as I could get, from "cancer".

I've felt like sitting down on the floor of the grocery store and bursting into tears. I've gotten very angry. I've complained. I've felt like my heart is breaking into a million pieces. I've walked into the cancer center, and suddenly felt like I was being suffocated, when I see so many people suffering. I've felt totally useless because I can't FIX it for my husband and son.

I think we're "human", that's all. :cry:

I'm saying a prayer for you, and please do the same for me.

Take care,

Nova

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Bobbi - Many hugs to you. Please take care of yourself and try your best to make sure you call your sister when you can (you know when you hang up you can cry yourself to sleep if you need to) just please make sure you keep in contact. It is not that your a "BAD PERSON" you just love her dearly and don't want to see her suffer.

Prayers being said for you all!

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Bobby,

Oh sweetie -- it's us!! You never have to worry about what you feel or the need to express anything around here. I'm scared sick myself. Anyone facing this with a loved one goes through all kinds of fears and emotions, often all at one time. Cancer should be like a football game with time-outs and a half-time. It's tough to face every minute of every day. I'll keep you in my prayers as I pray for all here.

Welthy

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Bobby,

You're a wonderful sister. You were one of the first people we "met" here. You've been right there with her through everything, taking care of her house, researching treatments, etc.

It's an extremely hard situation and there's no "right" way to deal with it. Just be there for her as you have been.

Don't let her doctors brush her off if she isn't feeling well. Something I learned the hard way. Make them listen.

Hugs and prayers,

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