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Not beating myslf up, BUT!!!


RandyW

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I had this post written last nite and I got internet DUMPED!! when posting so here goes again......

Most people know Debs story by now. Diagnosed 5 years ago and passed away 2 years ago BUT!!!!

When Deb passed away she was taking an experimental drug called ketek. It was for respiratory infections, an antibiotic basically. She was also a Regular user of Aranesp of which i post warnings on whenever, because fda is changing the rules of usage and labeling due to fatalities.

Anyway when I thought about the whole ketek thing the other nite I hit the Google Search button for news and found out that class action lawsuits have been filed and there is a senate investigation into this drug :shock: Paperwork issues and everything. Lots of nasty stuff going on. also 2 people in charlotte about 2 hours south of us died the week before and it was on the news!

Now I know I preach about the Coulda Woulda Shoulda's and believe that but sometimes I wonder..... What If??

Debs Death Certificate says Cause of death was Metastasic Lung cancer and I can live with that but sometimes when I reallllllllly Miss her I wonder...

WHAT IF!?!?!?!? But I do not beat myself up!!

LOVE PRAYERS AND HUGS THIS MORNING TO EVERYONE! :wink: And THanks for "Listening" Had to get this out of my head! :)

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Randy,

That coulda shoulda stuff can almost go on endlessly if you think about all the things that may have made a difference. I think we all do that-- don't go there. I do hope you are joining the class action if it isn't too late.

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Hugs to you Randy. Don't beat yourself up! I totally understand where you're coming from.

I just read an article in HEAL magazine that talks about heart damage from chemo and radiation to the chest. My Mom basically died form congestive heart failure although her doc never said that. I just know she was in CHF. Her doc never really explained all of the mets either until the morning that she died. I have lots of issues here...his lack of info to us. But she was in charge and could have asked or told me to ask--like we did with my Dad. I still don't want to talk to her oncologist but I see him almost every day at work. Mom's death certificate says lung cancer too...but I still wonder about the details. My Dad's death certificate has three things listed including "end stage renal failure" which he had for months. The other two were related to that. :?

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Randy,

I am so sorry. I know how difficult it can be to press on and try not to look back for the wrong reasons. I wish you peace as you work thru this twist in your road that you didn't really need. I'll be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.

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I agree with Ry, if appropriate, join the class action suit. You had no way of knowing any of this. And if there was wrong doing, the company should be held responsible. How else will it ever change?

I guess answer to the "ifs," we'll never know. Ultimately, most of them probably don't matter (I'm talking "big scheme of things" here -- I don't mean that in a flippant way). But it's hard for us here, especially if we feel in any way responsible -- I so understand, because I have lots of "ifs" myself.

I was lamenting over some "ifs" to my counselor, and she steered me back to the love and all that I was able to do for Bill, and how the ifs paled in comparison. She suggested that those true and loving things are what he took with him, not any mistakes I think I made. In the big picture, I believe that.

You did your best for Deb, and you're doing amazing things in her memory that she will ever be proud of.

Hugs,

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Randy,

We've all had some "if" thoughts. I know I have. One of the things I found out from this journey is that the doctors just don't know as much as we think they do...there is so much more to our complicated bodies than they have figured out, which makes research so important.

Take care and throw a few eggs and scream!! I'll be praying for you today.

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Its kinda wierd but I am okwth verything in all the right ways just eery nowand then when i see certain topics I go; "What If?" and then the next day I am okaywit life and myself. Like I said though, I am not beating myself up. Coulda woulda shoulda and $5 will get you a small Latte at starbucks!!!!! :lol::wink:

I thinkfor class action it may have to be on Death Certificate but still may look into tat though!

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Randy I agree with checking into the class action suit.

As for the "what if", they are there in everyone's life when someone passes regardless of what the cause of death was. If someone passed away in an out accident on the way to the grocery store, there would be what if's. Everything that you did then and still continue to do now would make anyone proud. Take care.

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I think we have all been there with the what ifs. All that does is tear your insides apart. I have had to come to terms with a lot of things and that is one of them. I will always wonder about some things but I have come to accept that losing Johnny when I did was God's will.

As for the death certificate. I think once a person is diagnosed with lung cancer it is automatically put on the death certificate. No matter how many factors lead to death the cancer is the big picture they see. When Johnny died the doctor never even entered the room yet he signed the death certificate.

I understant those long nights and the thoughts that can torment. All I can say is hopefully in time they will only come rarely.

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I just believe that a persons time to go is a person's time to go.

We all have have what "if's" throughout our life. I had one yesterday, when I was driving a someone went through a stop sign and I almost ran into her. I slammed my brakes on and my car sped around when I finally came to a stop (thank G-d no other cars were near me) and she was gone. I pulled over to the side of the road to calm myself at the same time saying "thank you G-d".

Our whole lives are made up of what "if's" try not to ever 2nd guess yourself. But at the same time I understand your feelings.

Maryanne

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Sorry Randy -- I know how the "what ifs" can drive you into the ground. The reality is, we all did everything we could for our loved ones. You and I both know that our spouses lived a long time with a Stage IV diagnosis, much longer than most were before Tarceva. A lawsuit isn't going to bring anyone back and why bother yourself with pursuing something that will only keep the "what ifs" in the front of your mind? It appears that this drug indeed had a dubious clinical trial and it can rarely cause liver problems/failure. Indications for use have also been changed and reduced.

It's tough, and will continue to be, but choose a gentle path for yourself my friend.

As for some of the other issues raised, by the very nature of this disease, heart problems go hand in hand with lung cancer and often will be the actual cause of death. The underlying cause was lung cancer for my husband, but A-fib/heart was the primary cause listed.

Hugs,

Debi

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Randy ... I was prescribed ketek two years ago for a sinus infection. I hadn't even taken one dose yet when I heard a commercial on TV (from an attorney) saying "if you've taken any of the followin drug and had such-and-such complications ..." and ketek was one of them. I never bothered to take the prescription. So if the lawsuit is appropriate, pursue it; but don't beat yourself up over it. When my mom died, I remember it was you who told me not to dwell on the "shouldas".

Blueeye ... I, like you, think that my mom actually died of CHF rather than the lung cancer itself. Her fatigue and SOB became extreme the last month before she died and she had just gotten a strong dose of Taxotere (the last chemo they were trying). She had cancer in her good lung and the lobe remaining on her left side also, but even after a small amount of fluid was drained, there was no relief. No real relief after a pleurodesis either.

Would it have helped if the doctors had checked her out/treated her for this? Possibly. However, I have to focus on the fact that, the cancer was growing anyway. Sometimes the treatment has to be toxic in order to kill the cancer and there is a fine balance in between which not nearly enough people can achieve.

In the end, I believe that if it was CHF (or even a blood clot), it also may have been better than months of pain and suffering that she didn't have to go through.

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Randy ... I was prescribed ketek two years ago for a sinus infection. I hadn't even taken one dose yet when I heard a commercial on TV (from an attorney) saying "if you've taken any of the followin drug and had such-and-such complications ..." and ketek was one of them. I never bothered to take the prescription. So if the lawsuit is appropriate, pursue it; but don't beat yourself up over it. When my mom died, I remember it was you who told me not to dwell on the "shouldas".

Blueeye ... I, like you, think that my mom actually died of CHF rather than the lung cancer itself. Her fatigue and SOB became extreme the last month before she died and she had just gotten a strong dose of Taxotere (the last chemo they were trying). She had cancer in her good lung and the lobe remaining on her left side also, but even after a small amount of fluid was drained, there was no relief. No real relief after a pleurodesis either.

Would it have helped if the doctors had checked her out/treated her for this? Possibly. However, I have to focus on the fact that, the cancer was growing anyway. Sometimes the treatment has to be toxic in order to kill the cancer and there is a fine balance in between which not nearly enough people can achieve.

In the end, I believe that if it was CHF (or even a blood clot), it also may have been better than months of pain and suffering that she didn't have to go through.

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Randy,

My name was in a class action about

cancer, glad I did even if no money

won.

The protocol for treating cancer patient

was changed for the best, so a good win

anyway.

No work at all abut it, you just fill

the papers sent to you and they contact

you when they pass in court, you could

go or stay out and still the class action

will keep on.

It is mostly for those that may be prescribed

the drug in the future, they will know both sides

of the medal before they take it.

It is like preventing more death from over

dosing patients.

Good luck in that.

Jackie

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(((Randy)))

I get it. I ask myself those too sometimes. But we can't go back, and we did whatever we did from what we knew THEN and from our hearts....

I hope today is a better day for you.

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I agree, you could shoulda/coulda/woulda yourself right into insanity when it comes to this foul disease. It sounds like you have a really mentally healthy outlook on this though, Randy. It's so obvious how much you loved your wife, and that you did your very best for her. Hold onto that...

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Typically in a class action law suit, the people who were taking the drug are contacted via mail with appropriate paperwork to opt out of any court proceedings which may end up in a settlement. I had info sent to me on phen-phen/redux during that whole debacle. In my case, all I would have been entitled to was money to cover screening for pulmonary problems. I had already pursued that with my physician and was free of any side-effects.

On the other hand, my best friend had silicone implants following a mastectomy and one of them ruptured. She had surgery to literally scrape the silicone out of her before receiving a saline implant. As a double mastectomy patient, she also had the other one replaced. She is part of the class action lawsuit, but has thorough medical records that show the paper trail of the problems arising from this stuff. It has been over a decade and it's still in the courts. She gets updates from time to time, but no settlements have been awarded yet.

I think you need to have a conclusive link to the problem caused by this drug to benefit from a class action suit, and that's probably not possible in this scenario because of the underlying illness.

This is just an FYI from my experience with these types of suits. I think the person who has used a known drug, that is in a class action suit, is included automatically, unless they opt out and wish to seek a settlement privately.

Hugs Randy,

Debi

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