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Mom has been gone for over a year now. Most of the time I think I am really doing pretty good. But lately I have been having such feelings of anger. I am so angry about the whole thing. I am angry about the way my mom had to suffer. I am angry that my mom was misdignosed. I am angry that I always wonder "what if". I am angry when I hear about other people doing things with their moms because I want to be doing those things too. I am angry that I didn't spend more time with mom when things were good. I am angry that my kids won't have a chance to really know their grandma. I am angry that mom won't be there to see my sister get married in March. I am angry that every time someone in my family coughs I automatically think the worst. I am angry that I am constantly waiting for the next horrible thing to happen. I hate that there was nothing I could do to stop all of this. I am so emotional right now. It isn't fair to my kids. It isn't fair to my husband. When I go to this place of anger my mind is so overwhelmed with memories, anger, and sadness that I end up not being the person they need me to be. So I needed to come here and vent it all out.

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come here and vent away! Transference of emotions in any way is always a good thing to do and is healthier than kkeeping it botttled up inside of you. Sorry you are feeling this way but hoping you are doing better now!!Prayers and Hugs Randy

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I've kept anger as a companion for over 2 years now. And it rears it head in the most unusual ways.

Some have said "let it go".

I can't. I have no question mom was angry that this happened. Angry with herself. Angry with doctors who every year told her everything was fine.

I know I am angry that I know this was chosen for me. I beleive that it was. Because I would know what to do about it. To be obedient to the life that was put in front of me...doesn't mean I have to like it.

I am angry for Sophie. She is loved and I think I can tell that she can tell. But how much more would she be loved by my mom. And now she doesn't get that...and that pisses me off.

And I am angry at mom too. Not at her the person. I love her. But "mother" is supposed to be here at this time in my life and she is ALWAYS supposed to be here. And she is not...at least not in the way I'd prefer. And so that makes me angry. She wasn't supposed to go.

Basically. I SO get it.

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