wondermom Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 Mom has been gone for over a year now. Most of the time I think I am really doing pretty good. But lately I have been having such feelings of anger. I am so angry about the whole thing. I am angry about the way my mom had to suffer. I am angry that my mom was misdignosed. I am angry that I always wonder "what if". I am angry when I hear about other people doing things with their moms because I want to be doing those things too. I am angry that I didn't spend more time with mom when things were good. I am angry that my kids won't have a chance to really know their grandma. I am angry that mom won't be there to see my sister get married in March. I am angry that every time someone in my family coughs I automatically think the worst. I am angry that I am constantly waiting for the next horrible thing to happen. I hate that there was nothing I could do to stop all of this. I am so emotional right now. It isn't fair to my kids. It isn't fair to my husband. When I go to this place of anger my mind is so overwhelmed with memories, anger, and sadness that I end up not being the person they need me to be. So I needed to come here and vent it all out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 come here and vent away! Transference of emotions in any way is always a good thing to do and is healthier than kkeeping it botttled up inside of you. Sorry you are feeling this way but hoping you are doing better now!!Prayers and Hugs Randy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieB Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 (((hugs))) It is good to let it out. I understand those feelings. Most of the first year after my mom passed away I was on auto-pilot just going thru motions and getting the things done that needed to be done...I wasn't here emotionally for my husband or my kids. Then I was angry....for all the reasons you wrote about above...and mostly at how unfair it was- that I still needed my mom and she was taken from me.....I'd project my anger in the way I looked (never smiling) being on edge, snapping at my kids, over-reating to just about everything- being irrational sometimes and just a mess. It felt like time was standing still when I was in those moments of grief and sadness and anger. I finally broke thru my own personal ego issues and went to grief counselling. It look 18 months after my mom died and almost 5 years after my dad died...but I finally went and I am still surprised at how much it helps. I can't explain how talking to a stranger who doesn't judge you helps, but it's similar to the support we have here- only youre one on one and you can cry and talk and share all those things you keep bottled inside. we feel like It's our jobs to be strong for our family- but there needs to be someone for you to lean on. Think about grief counselling, and lean on us. We are here for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 Anger... I've kept anger as a companion for over 2 years now. And it rears it head in the most unusual ways. Some have said "let it go". I can't. I have no question mom was angry that this happened. Angry with herself. Angry with doctors who every year told her everything was fine. I know I am angry that I know this was chosen for me. I beleive that it was. Because I would know what to do about it. To be obedient to the life that was put in front of me...doesn't mean I have to like it. I am angry for Sophie. She is loved and I think I can tell that she can tell. But how much more would she be loved by my mom. And now she doesn't get that...and that pisses me off. And I am angry at mom too. Not at her the person. I love her. But "mother" is supposed to be here at this time in my life and she is ALWAYS supposed to be here. And she is not...at least not in the way I'd prefer. And so that makes me angry. She wasn't supposed to go. Basically. I SO get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lc46 Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 I'm still in the disbelief stage but I'm sure like many I will get to where you are now. I don't know what to say-just that many people on here understand. Take Care of Yourself Dar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueeye Posted November 8, 2008 Share Posted November 8, 2008 I'm reading, and I'm nodding in agreement. Hugs, Lesle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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