wondermom

I am so sorry. It has to be so difficult to retrace those steps time and time again. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

So sorry for your loss.

Thanks Judy. Prayers to you and your family as well. I am sorry you are also going through rough times. Jill

Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support. I am relieved to report that both family members are going to be ok. My cousin's wife had a small brain bleed, fractured skull and a bruised lung. A follow up scan shows the bleeding has stopped and that she will be ok. She doesn't feel ok by any stretch of the imagination though and will be in the hospital until she can keep food down and her headache goes away. She is on morphine and it isn't even really touching the pain. She gets migraines and is telling the doctors the pain is worse than her migraines... But thank God she will eventually be back to herself. My sister is sore but ok. So scary though. Seeing those two laying on the ground motionless was terrifying. Sometimes I feel like there is a dark cloud over our family. It needs to move on already! Sunny days ahead.

We got together today, as we do every year around this time, to celebrate my mom's life. The entire family comes to spend time together. What started as a beautiful day ended with two people in the ER. One being air lifted to the hospital. My sister was leading my cousin's wife on our horse when the horse took off running. My sister pretty much got plowed down by the horse and by cousin's wife fell off and hit her head so hard that she fractured her skull and has a brain bleed. We had 3 ambulances, police, fire dept. and a helicoptor show up. My sister went to the local hospital to get a scan (which showed up clear) and some stitches in her chin. My cousin's wife is still in the hospital and will have further scans tomorrow to keep an eye on the bleed. I am terrified for her. She doesn't remember the incident at all. I just pray that she will be ok. This family cannot take any more heartache and I am so tired of hearing our family's story on the news. Please pray for my cousin's wife. That she heal fast and the bleed stops. Please pray for my dad too who feels responsible and is beside himself with worry. Jill

Is it too late for me to reply?! I am still here! I check in but not as often as I probably should. I feel that the people here are part of my family and I should definately check in more often with family! We are doing ok...Mom has been gone for nearly 4 years. Is that possible? We are planning our 4th annual family gathering at my dad's home. We get together every year around the time of her passing to just be together and celebrate life. We know that Mom would want us to go on living and I always picture her smiling down on us all, esp. Dad as he gives all the little kiddos a hay ride. Sadly, my mom's brother recently passed away from tragic circumstances so there will be another void that day but we will all be there together so that helps. I certainly treasure my LCSC family and speak of you often to family and friends. The support here is valued so much by so many.

http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2011/07/2 ... bass-lake/ http://www.kare11.com/news/article/9317 ... oon-mishap This is a link to the story and a few pictures of the family.

Thank you. I think we are all still in shock. It is so sad. They tried for so long to have children and finally ended up adopting 2 from Russia. They were going through the adoption process when Mom was sick. They recently moved from the cities and were excited to start their new life in the country.

Last night my uncle (Mom's brother) died trying to save his 6 year old son. He had fallen or jumped off of their pontoon and my uncle went in after him. Neither were wearing life jackets. They were the only two on the pontoon. My aunt and their daughter were at the house when the 6 year old boy went running up saying, "I didn't want to wear my life jacket and daddy saved me." I am heartbroken for my grandmother. She is devastated. She had 4 children. One died when she was in first grade when she was run over by the school bus, then she lost my mom to lung cancer, then she lost my grandpa to lymphoma and now her son to this tragic accident. I am going to see her tomorrow and I don't even know what to do or say to her. How do you get past losing 3 children? I know this is a bit off topic as he did not pass from LC so I apologize if this post is misplaced. I am just shocked right now at the cruelty of life.

I hear you. I just found out my cousin's husband's grandmother has lung cancer too. It make me sick thinking about it. There is way too much. Everytime I hear of a new diagnosis it brings me right back to my mom's diagnosis and it makes me sad knowing what they are going through.

That you for sharing that. Beautiful story.

Thanks everyone, Still the same wonderful supportive friends I remember! Ann, to answer your question, I am doing well. My baby girl (in the photo) just started Kindergarten this year. She is loving it. My son is now in second grade. My brother and his wife (wedding picture below) welcomed thier first baby into the world last April and my sister got married and she and her husband are expecting in a few weeks. So a lot of changes in the last three years. I sure wish Mom could have been here with us for all of these happy events but I know she was watching. Hopefully, Dad will get through this bump in the road. It is hard on everyone when someone you love is hurting. Sometimes I wish we could fast forward through the difficult times but I know there are lessons to be learned from hardships. Jill

Thanks Katie, Yes, it will be up to him to get out there and meet people. It is just so hard to watch him go downhill. He met the first lady through an online dating service and has continued meeting people there. I let him know today about some widowers socials going on in the area. I thought they might be more comfortable for him than an actual support group. They are at local bar and grills so hopefully they will attract a somewhat younger group. Not sure if he will even go but I tried, right? Dad is on facebook so I will only update here Thanks again. You guys are great. Jill

Thanks Kasey! I remember you too. I also wish we were closer so we could set him up! I have a friend (my best friend) who has an aunt who is widowed and we talked about setting them up but they live a couple hours apart and I don't think either would move if it got serious enough. But who knows, maybe they should at least meet. Thanks for reaching out and for the support! Jill

It has been so long since I have started a thread on these boards. I am not even sure if people will remember me or my mom's story. I lost my mom 3 years ago to lung cancer. My Dad started dating someone about 6 or 7 months later. Us kids thought it was fast but he seemed happy and this woman "seemed" to be wonderful. Very caring and compassionate etc. So we decided to just let it go and see what happens. In other words, we didn't give Dad a hard time about dating so soon. We all knew how terrible and unbearably lonely he had been. Mom was his entire social life and without her he really has no friends or social networks. Anyway, a couple years into this relationship this woman's true colors come out and we start finding out about her sorted past. I won't go into details but the relationship ended (mostly because of us kids) I think Dad would have overlooked just about anything to have her stay...or should I say to have anyone stay so he wouldn't have to live in the house alone. I think he is depressed and I feel terrible that we pretty much foced him into a decision he likely wouldn't have made on his own. As I said before, he is very unsocial. I have tried to get him to go to a support group but he went once and said everyone was older than him and said it seemed depressing. He is dating again but doesn't seem very optimisitic. He says he still thinks about this other woman and I think he would like to take the easy route and get back with her rather than start over with a new relationship. He has always said he never loved this woman but that he enjoyed her companionship. The woman wanted to get married (which would be her 3rd marriage). How can I help him? I have suggested moving into town so he could be around people but he doesn't think that will help either. I just feel so helpless. Sorry for rambling but needed to vent. Anyone else going through this with a widowed parent? It breaks my heart to have him tell me over and over again how he is so lonely that he can hardly take it.

I am so sorry to hear this. Prayers are definately going up for both.

I can not get through that book without sobbing. The first time I read it we were in a book store. I had to leave because I was afraid I would make a scene! It is so good though. I read it to my kids too but it is hard some days.

Amazing story. Heartbreaking too.

That is a great way to look at things. Thanks for sharing! Jill

Thanks everyone! Nick, Dad actually met her on e-harmony. I was really surprised as I didn't think he even knew how to get on there! Dad is getting her into a treatment program this weekend. I didn't ask what he plans to do after that. Apparently her whole family is going to need to go through part of the treatment with her. She told him he would know everything after the month of treatment (which isn't just for alcohol but for emotional problems). My sister and I are going home this Sunday to help him decorate for Christmas so I am thinking we may talk more about it at that time. Thanks again for all your advice and for listening.

Actually Randy, she is the same age as Dad. There are just some things coming out now that we didn't see before. Dad has thought her behavior at times was a bit erratic. She blamed it on "the change" but it seemed to be more than that. Dad thinks she might be a closet alcoholic. This past week she rolled her vehicle and got a DUI. She lied to Dad about it saying she passed the test but when he went to get her the officer told him differently. She has never had a drink in front of us. I thought it was part of her healthy lifestyle. He wonders what else she has lied about. There are other things but I won't get into it here but that is just a bit of what is going on. It really is too bad. Dad said that she will go weeks and be just great. They have so much in common and really enjoy doing things together. But then it is like a switch gets flipped and she is a different person. He wonders if she has been binge drinking. I wonder if it is something more. Perhaps undiagnosed manic depression. I only say this because of the extreme ups and downs and based on her behavior as Dad describes it. I have thought about getting him an indoor dog but I think it would take a lot of convincing. He isn't one to have pets in the house but I do think a dog would make a great companion and make the house seem less lonely. However, he does work a lot and it isn't really fair to leave the dog alone for long periods of time every day. I probably just need to let him work through this on his own. I know I can't fix it but it is just so hard to watch. I know his loss is so different from mine. I miss my mom every day but I have my husband and kids to keep my busy and distracted. I can go on with my life and continue on with a "normal" daily routine. But Dad goes home and misses seeing mom and talking to her and living with her every day. I don't even think he was looking for a romance (I know he wasn't) with this woman. He was just looking for someone to spend time with. I know she wanted to get married and he told her he didn't feel that way. That is why they broke things off the first time. He knew he wasn't feeling they way he should to go forward with the relationship. But they must have come to some kind of understanding because they got back together. Now this time there are other things happening and I think Dad knows that it isn't right to stay with her but in addition to him being lonely he is also concerned with what she would do if he left her. She seems a bit unstable to him at times. I told him he needs to call her kids and let them know what is going on so they can keep an eye on her if need be. I also told him that it isn't right to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. He needs to find something he is interested in. His response was, "Well, work takes up a lot of time." He needs something other than work! Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble!

Hello everyone, It has been a while since I last posted. Some of you may recall that my Dad started dating someone about 6 months after my mom passed away. We were supportive of the relationship. Although it was fast, she seemed to be good for Dad and got him out enjoying life again. Well, things have taken a bit of a turn and without getting into the details she is not who we thought her to be. Dad had tried to end things a while back but he only lasted a day without her and ended up taking her back before the end of the weekend. He just can't be alone. It is unbearable for him. I told him that he can't be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. Now a few months later things have gotten bad again and there was an incident that really upset Dad and made him realize he didn't want to go forward with the relationship. I really hope he is strong enough to stick with his decision. This woman has a lot of issues and I am sure will make Dad feel very guilty about leaving her. She has basically moved in with him and has a lot of her stuff there. He told me yesterday that after Thanksgiving he is going to pack up her stuff and move her out. But then when my sister called last night she was there! I pray that Dad can be strong in this situation and give himself some time to be alone. I know that is the last thing he wants...to be alone. I wish so badly there was a way I could help him get involved in something but he doesn't hunt or have any hobbies. Mom was his life. He didn't do anything with friends and now this is becoming a real issue. I hate that I can't make this better for him! Any suggestions on how I can make things feel less lonely for him? He tried a support group but didn't like it. I should also mention that he lives out in the country outside of a VERY small town so there is not much to do. I am talking small town, 700 people.

That is so great. I love stories like this.

in an information packet about Tarceva? I attended the LUNGevity walk in Bloomington MN today. It was a great event. They were handing out bags with information about Tarceva. It contains booklets, a week day pill box and some lotions and skin cream samples to help with the rash. If anyone can use this, I would be happy to send it to you. Otherwise I will donate it to our local cancer center. Let me know! Jill

Two years have now gone by. Thinking of you Mom. Remembering everything you brought to my life.