wondermom

Awesome!

I think if she feels up to it she should definately go back to work. For my mom anyway, it was a great source of support. She had a lot of good friends that she worked with and it also gave her something else to focus on. My mom worked all through her treatments. I think it made her feel good to know she could still do it. Again, I am speaking from my experience with my mom. Everyone is different. I don't know what kind of work your mom does or how she is feeling. I would encourage her though if she wants to do it and the doctor says it is ok. Jill

I too am one of the people who now gets very angry and defensive if people ask me if my mom smoked. However, before my mom was diagnosed, I was one of the people who "assumed" I (or any other member of my family) would never get lung cancer because none of us smoked. Boy, was my mom's diagnosis an eye opener! Even with the death of Dana Reeves, another never-smoker, I still kidded myself into believing that she must have been an isolated incident. This is what scares me so much. Until one is hit with the reality of lung cancer, I think many people look to "exclude themselves" as you say from lung cancer. That is why it is so important that people realize that lung cancer is not a smokers disease. It is a disease that affects many people. It doesn't matter if you smoke or not, if you are old or young, if you are male or female. Unfortunately, I am embarrased to say I was one of those people who protected myself (the hypochondriac I am) by saying that since I don't smoke I won't get it. I think you are right on the mark for many people. Thanks for posting!

Hi Donna, I am so very sorry for your loss. I wrote very similar words about a month ago when I lost my mom. I know the feeling of relief because she is no longer suffering but also the sadness and longing to have her with you. I can relate to the concern about your dad. My dad is really lost without my mom. They were married for nearly 31 years. My mom did everything for my dad. She loved to take care of him. I think it has definately helped my dad to talk about mom and to have us kids continue talking about her. It is certainly an adjustment period for everyone and I pray for strength for you and your family during this heartbreaking and difficult time. Jill

Welthy, I am so sad to read this post. Shocked. Even though things seemed to be going downhill, I just couldn't imagine this outcome. I wanted so badly to believe he would bounce back. You and Tony have been such an inspiration to me, my mom, and so many others here. What a fighter. I pray for strength for you and your family during this most difficult time. I cannot imagine the depth of your loss. My most sincere condolences. Jill

Praying for you both right now.

Hi Leslie, I too have been following your Dad's story. I can completely relate to everything you are saying. I think of my mom in much the same way you describe your dad and I know that suffocating feeling of helplessness. I know what it is like to spend hours researching, trying to figure out what to do. Never give up hope. It is there and it is what keeps us going from day to day. There is always hope and I continue to pray that your dad gets the right treatment to get things back on track. I know this is so very hard to go through. I pray for your entire family during this time. Jill

Hi Teri, I can totally relate when you talk about detachment. I feel like I am trying so hard to go on with "life as normal". I feel like sometimes people think I am cold or unfeeling. But then I have my moments of pure sadness and I just cry and cry while I am in the shower. That is my alone time. That and in the middle of the night when my mind starts to wander. I think we all have our own ways of coping. None of them right or wrong.

I am sure it has to be so very heartbreaking and frustrating to have progression after such a long period of good health. I am sorry to hear this. BUT...hopefully, things can get back under control again. Maybe the next plan will work just as well as the Tarceva did. Praying for the next plan to do the trick. Jill

Praying for that miracle. I know what it is like to watch your mom in so much pain. It is heartbreaking. I pray things turn around quickly for her and things get back under control! Jill

I am so sorry. Praying for you and your family.

Thanks Teri and Kelly. I wish my Dad was more outgoing. Right now he is in the habit of saying, "Mom took care of all that stuff." She was the one that got everyone together. Dad always says, "All I had to do was show up." He is kind of quiet and isn't one to ask people to do things. I don't know of any support groups locally. There are a couple of people, including an old neighbor of ours that have lost their spouses at a young age. I have thought about contacting them to see if they would mind reaching out to Dad. Maybe they already have. Not sure. I am sure right now he is feeling like he is the only one feeling as low as he does. Maybe it would help if he knew other people felt the same way.

My sister just called saying she is worried about Dad. She said she overheard him talking to our Grandpa (Mom's dad). He was saying that it was getting harder instead of easier. Now that the business of the funeral and thank you cards is coming to an end he is finding it hard to get back into normal day to day living. I completely understand that this is normal but I still feel so bad. My sister lives at home but occasionally will go stay with her boyfriend. She called me on her way there saying she felt terrible leaving Dad home alone. I told her she has to live her life too. She is still home most nights with Dad. Dad knows she won't be there forever. For those of you who have lost a spouse, what are some things you did or do to make things easier for yourself? My Dad likes to read but he doesn't really have any other hobbies. I wish I had something to suggest to him to make the nights easier. This is probably something he will have to figure out on his own. I feel so helpless. He lives in the country outside of a very small town so there isn't much to do. I hate the thought of him sitting there all alone feeling sad. We (my siblings and I) are taking Dad out to eat tomorrow night to celebrate Mom and Dad's anniversary so that will be a good thing. Any other ideas?

Hi Teri, I had a dream last night. My first since mom died that was about her. It was odd. My mom was baking my favorite cookies. I never got the recipe from her and I was sad that I didn't have it but she was standing there making them. She looked healthy. Like I remember her before she got sick. It was bittersweet because in my dream I remember thinking this will be the last time she makes these cookies for me but she looked healthy. So wierd. Sarah, I too wish Mom would come to me in a dream and tell me she is well and happy. I am still waiting for that one! I pray every night that she goes to my Dad in a dream and gives him some peace of mind that she is okay and that we will all be okay. Jill

Hello everyone, I am trying to make a slide show of my mom with my kids to help them remember her. I have done these shows in the past for my kids' birthdays and they turn out pretty cute. I really want to make this special for them. I am looking for song suggestions. I want to keep this as upbeat as possible. My mom was so loving, energetic, and fun with my kids and I want to portray that but still have a sentimental value to it too. I am open to anything. It can be oldies or songs of today. Please give me your ideas! Jill

Hi Peachy, I think you can get some kind of anti-nausea medication. You may want to check with your doctor about that if it is really bad. Otherwise I have heard that ginger is good for nausea. Hope you are feeling better soon! Jill

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to say goodbye to a parent. Especially so young. You sound very strong. Your Dad was lucky to have such a beautiful support system surrounding him. May God bring you and your family peace and strength during this difficult time. Jill

Yeah! That is great. Glad all is going so well with the baby.

Praying the Tarceva is doing it's job!

Congrats to you both!

YES! That is wonderful.

That is great! Prayers for continued health. Jill

I pray for you and your family during this difficult time. My mom's cancer also rapidly progressed. It seemed one week she was doing ok and the next she was in the hospital. It is just so hard to see. I pray for your MIL's comfort and peace for your family. Jill

I am so sorry. Your post touched me. I just went through this with my mom earlier this month. It is so very hard to watch the one you love, the one who has always been so strong, slip away. It is hard to believe. So hard to even envision life without them. I understand and I wish I could say something to make it easier. We were lucky in that we were all able to be with mom in the hospital. We all slept in the room with her. We talked with her even though she wasn't awake. We believe she could hear us. I believe she hears us still. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Jill

Mom mom and dad's 31rst wedding anniversary is quickly approaching. Dad has brought it up a couple times so I know it is on his mind. I am wondering if my brother, sister, and I should ask him to go out to eat or something to celebrate that day. Or do you think he would rather be alone. I just have this horrible vision of him sitting home alone feeling sad about Mom not being there. It just breaks my heart. I will probably just ask him what he would like to do. What would you do? Or if you have lost a spouse, how do you handle these days that were special for the two of you? I just want to know how to help my dad. I realize everyone handles these situations differently but I am just looking for some ideas, I guess. Thanks, Jill