wondermom

I agree with NED completely. I learned so much from my mom while she was sick and throughout her whole ordeal. My siblings and I have all become much more compassionate and understanding people because of my mom's sickness and how she handled it. She was an amazing example of strength and grace throughout. My younger sister is now in the prcess of planning her wedding. Yes, it is hard and sad to think of mom not being there and not being here to help her with the planning but we know that part of her will always be with us. She is with us everyday in how we choose to live our lives. My sister (as well as my brother and I) is holding her head high knowing that she had a great mom that taught her how to get through life's struggles. I think we all find a way to handle the cards we were dealt and I am sure your son will too. It sounds like you have a very loving family and this is just one more thing that will make you stronger. Jill

Yes, it does! There is no denying it. It seems that just when I feel like my life is getting back to normal (or a new normal) I hear about another story of someone with this dreaded disease. My heart breaks all over again for them. There is just too much of it out there. Way too much. It is devastating to think of it. I hear you.

Oh, I am so stunned and saddened to read this today. My heard just breaks for her family and her precious boys. I had no idea things had gone downhill so quickly for her. I pray for her family today.

I am so sorry. Take comfort in knowing your mom is now at peace. Hold on to the good memories. They are so precious. Jill

Hi Andrea, I really appreciate your posts because I am the same way. I am always worried about myself or someone else in my family getting cancer. I recently posted about my anxiety in finding a cyst on my ovary. I instantly thought the worst because it was a "complex" cyst. I have a follow up ultrasound in early May. I am trying REALLY hard not to worry about it and I think I am doing okay, but it is always in the back of my mind. I think if my mom could get lung cancer then why couldn't this happen to me? Being a worrier is exhausting, isn't it? I always tell my family they don't have to worry about anything because I worry enough for all of us! Take care! Your babies are adorable! Jill

I am so sorry. I know this is so hard. I understand when you say you thought you were prepared. My mom was so very sick the last week and I too thought I was prepared for the moment she would pass. But it just took my breath away when it happened. I don't think you can ever be prepared for that moment. What a blessing to have those letters. That was a beautiful thing for your mom to do. She sounds like an amazing woman. Jill

Hi Ernie, Good to hear from you. I wish you were feeling better. That sounds like an interesting combo you are getting. Hopefully you will be getting some good scan results and those nasty side effects will be worth it. I also hope they can get those under control for you. Prayers coming your way! Jill

Thanks everyone. For those of you who have cysts on your ovaries, are they complex or functional?

Ok. Feeling a bit better now. I called and talked to the nurse who told me not to freak out. She said, without getting into too much detail, that things were pretty normal and that the cyst will likely just absorb. She said if the doctor was very concerned about it that he would have ordered a blood test. I feel kind of foolish now for my little freak out. I am home everyday doing daycare and have very little adult contact. I just needed to get it all out! Thanks Connie!

Hi all, Sorry to post here this is non lung cancer related but I am freaking out. I have been having some "girl issues" the past few months so I went to my OB who said it is likely nothing but lets do an ultrasound anyway. They just called and I have a slightly enlarged uterus and a 2 cm complex ovarian cyst. What??? What does that mean. They want to do another ultrasound in 2 months. TWO MONTHS! I don't think I can wait that long. I am literally freaking out here. Prayers please!

That is so sweet. I have to buy that book.

Julia, I am so very sorry to hear this heartbreaking news. I can only imagine what you must be going through. It just isn't fair. There are some things we will never understand. At least not in this life. My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry. Jill

Awesome news! Just awesome.

Congratulations! I am so happy for you. Can't wait to see pictures!

Thank you to everyone who responded. Anne, that was a beautiful quote. Last night was rough. I slept about an hour. Just couldn't get the memories to stop flowing through my mind. It is funny how these moments sneak up on you just when you think you have your thoughts and emotions back in control. I am better today. I am glad for all of you and for knowing I wasn't alone in how I handled the kids in this situation. My heart aches that my kids may not remember Mom. She was such a light in their lives. I talk about her often to my kids. I ask them to tell me what they remember about Grandma and it makes me so happy that they can still tell me stories they remember. I hope they will always remember those stories or if nothing else, I hope they will remember feeling loved by her. Thanks again for your kind words and support. Jill

Not sure what is going on with me tonight but I am extremely emotional. I have been second guessing how I handled some things in mom's last week of life when she was in the hospital. One thing that I have been struggling with is if I should have let my kids see my mom in the hospital those last few days. My brother, sister, and dad were there non-stop. Literally sleeping in her room with her. My kids missed me (and I them) and my husband would bring them to see me. At the time I thought it was important for them to see their Grandma and be able to talk to her one last time. I thought it was important for her to hear them say they loved her etc. I am sure it was very scary for them to see Grandma like that. They are 2 and 5. I told them before they went in that it would look like she was sleeping but that she could still hear them. Their visits were brief. Did I do the right thing? I am such a wreck today. Just can't seem to stop replaying that time period in my mind. Can't stop wondering if I handled everything right. Oh, how I miss her. I know she would tell me not to question myself and I know I did what I thought was best at the time. But I also worry that maybe that shouldn't have been their last memory of Grandma.

Here is a question I have been wondering about. When my mom passed away we never really discussed what we would do with mom's wedding band and the mother's ring we gave her just a couple of months before she died. I assumed we would just keep them with mom and she would be buried with them. At mom's wake my grandmother asked me if I was going to keep her wedding band. I felt that it should be kept with her and assumed everyone felt the same. No one had said anything about wanting to keep them. However, later that night my brother said he assumed that we would keep them. So we opened up the conversation. Keep in mind we had a ton of people at our house and it got a bit uncomfortable. We weren't arguing about it. I just think that none of us wanted to talk about it. It was too hard. We asked Dad what he wanted to do and after a minute he said that he would like to see mom keep the rings. So in the end she was buried with them. I still feel so bad that this wasn't discussed in more detail. Everything was just happening so fast and there were always so many people around. I feel like my brother maybe really wanted those rings and didn't get a chance to speak up. (He is kind of the strong silent type.) I see so many of you say that you wear the rings on a chain etc. I hope Dad doesn't regret not keeping them. I still think about this from time to time and get sad. Obviously there is nothing I can do about it now. Did anyone else not keep the ring? Sorry to ramble on. This just tugs at my heartstrings thinking about it.

Hi Teri, I have actually been thinking about that very thing latey. My Dad still wears his. I can't imagine him taking it off. I have never asked him about it. It would seem so final I think. Of course, I would support him no matter what. I am sure it would be a very hard thing to let go of. Jill

There are so many songs out there that move me. Sometimes to tears. They get me thinking about mom and how lucky I was to have her in my life. Anyone have a song that has touched them? I think music is somewhat theraputic for me. Here are mine: Natasha Bedingfield - Still Here Pink - Who Knew Fleetwood Mac - Landslide Live - Love Shines Rob Thomas - When The Heartache Ends

Randy, Thanks for sharing that picture. It is beautiful. Hoping your day was full of happy memories. Jill

Does anyone know if there is some kind of pic that could hold a picture that I could put into one of the vases on my mom's stone? I really want to be able to put pictures of my kids and the family in with the flowers but I can't seem to find anything that will work that will also protect the pictures from water/wind damage. Any thoughts? Jill

That is just awesome! I am so happy for you and your mom. Have fun in Jamaica! My hubby and I just returned fom a trip to Ocho Rios, Jamaica. Enjoy yourselves.

I understand about being afraid of getting cancer. I was afraid of it before mom was even diagnosed. Now the fear is even stronger. I am afraid of suffering as my mom did. She had so much pain at the end. But mostly, like you, I fear leaving my children behind. That is my worst fear. I just can't let myself even go there. I remember my mom saying many years ago when I was a child myself that as long as she saw her kids grow up she would be happy. It brings me a strange peace to remember her saying that because she did see us all into adulthood.

I am sorry you are so down. I know how hard it is. I am one that believes in heaven and an afterlife. It is what gets me through each day. I have to believe that we will be together again. When it became clear that my mom was going to pass on, I wanted so badly to tell her to please give me a sign when she got to heaven that she was okay. But I didn't. I didn't ask her to do that because I didn't want to be disappointed if I didn't get my sign. Any number of things could be considered a sign. It just depends on how you take it. My mom loved hibiscus plants. She and my dad had planted some in her garden shortly before she got very sick. When we got home after she died, the hibiscus flowers were blooming! It might have been just a coincidence but I choose to believe it was a sign that she was now at peace. I am still waiting for her to come to me in a dream and tell me heaven is wonderful but I am not going to hold my breath. I just have to believe she is in a better place. Sorry, I hope this didn't seem like I was trying to change your beliefs. I kind of rambled on more than I intended to. Whatever you believe is what is right for you. I just hope you can find some kind of peace. I hope better days are ahead for you. Jill

Steph, I looked for an update from you today and I am so sorry to hear of your mom's passing. So sorry. I know what a shock this is. Even though she had been so sick, no one can prepare you for the shock and the feelings that go along with losing someone you love so dearly. It takes your breath away. My heart breaks for you. Jill