Grief counseling

[SBeth]

Just trying to get some feedback regarding grief counseling and timing. Ry's post on another thread has me wondering...has anyone waiting longer than a year to seek counseling? I am almost at four years since Bill's death and I still find myself completely unable to accept, deal with or think about certain things. While I appear to have moved on in my life; I know my happiness is fragile due to my grief still lingering. I'm just curious if I may have waited too long. Anyone have any insight?

[Snowflake]

Beth,

If you're still grieving, you would probably benefit from grief counseling. The only way you have waited too long would be in allowing yourself to be miserable for four years when you may have been able to work through it sooner. I wouldn't delay anything that might make your life easier. If you still feel fragile, you could use some coping skills.

I'm sure you will still feel the loss, 50 years from now, but hopefully, you won't feel on the edge of an abyss.

Take care,

Becky

[shineladysue]

(((Beth))), I never went to counseling and at a little over 3 1/2 years since I lost Mike I am still having an extremely hard time some days and with some things. I don't know if counseling would change that , but I can tell you that you aren't alone in being that far out and still grieving. Hope you can find the help you need. If you do find something that works , please let us know.

Hugs,

Sue

[jean44]

Hi Beth,

While I only lost Thom in Aug. I started grief counseling just a few weeks after he passed.

Is is helping me "get through my days" but I still feel as if I am surviving but not really "living".

I do think however, if you feel it is something that could help you then try it. I don't think it matters how long ago you lost Bill. If you still feel that loss and need help coping, I think you could definately benefit from a little help.

Good luck,

Jean

[RandyW]

I think it is an individuals choice to Make!! can ya put statute of Limitations on Grief!!?? No !!@ It is never too late for anything. My friends know when I have bad days and good days!! I hear it all the time !! Trying to have better days emotionally though! never did the grief counseling and My Former sister in Law Said She did not think I needed it so I respect her Psychological advice!!

[Ry]

I think it's good to be able to talk to someone. Even though I made my appointment for grief counseling we touched on many things. Ask around and see if anyone has a recommendation of a good therapist and go. It's not too late and if you don't go you will always wonder if you should have.

[KatieB]

Other spouses who have been thru this can give you insight on their experiences as a spouse who lost someone to LC.

I can share my experience wtih grief counselling- I didn't go until 4 years after my dad passed away - and Rochelle is right, a good therapist will touch on ALL aspects of your life because grieving in all encompassing.

My psychologist helped me with sibling issues and issues I felt when I lost each of my parents. I also have emotional issues about the patients I support in group, losing people (on a regular basis) to LC that I grown to know and care about...my role as parents, wife, friend...etc....

It wasn't a hour of crying and reliving pain...it was usually an hour or more each week of talking about life, having it presented back to me with a different perspective and seeing it thru someone elses eyes and finding answers and solutions.

In December (13 months ago) my therapist looked at me after 9 months and said "I think you're done with me". "You've got the coping skills you need, you don't need me anymore".

Felt like he was breaking up with me but he was right...life didn't become rainbows and sheer happiness just because I learned how to cope....but I know now that I can handle this life without my loved ones in it and that's huge. I figured out how to be more effective in my life roles and reach above myself to make things better.

Good luck friend. I hope you find the peace and comfort you deserve. It's never too late.

Hugs.

[Ann]

I went to counseling soon after losing Dennis but often feel that now, almost 7 years later, that there is a need to go again. I have found that when I begin feeling like I can't cope, I find a friend and just talk about what I'm feeling. Sometimes, it takes some heavy duty sorting to even know what I am feeling. But, I have found that just getting it off my chest and talking to someone who will truly listen helps me so very much. I know the words a counselor will say and I know what I should be thinking/doing/saying and feeling. But, sometimes it helps to talk to someone who knew my Dennis and that makes me know and remember that he was alive and he did make a difference on so many lives. When I talk to people that never knew him, it just isn't the same.

[michellep]

I went to a group support meeting on day #9 of my husbands passing thru hospice. I was disappointed that night because the others were long time members and their conversations had nothing to do with grieving. But there is another one scheduled for this morning (different people) that I'm going to attend. I feel like I should give it one more try and if it's the same then I'm going to ask my doctor whom I'm seeing this afternoon to send me for one on one counseling. Considering my state of mind right now perhaps a more personal type of counseling is needed. I'm not doing well today

[chloesmom]

Beth,

I think if you feel you need some counseling, the only wrong thing would be to not go and get some help.

I saw a therapist when I was first diagnosed with lung cancer, and Katie's right, it's not going to cure your grief, but it does help you cope.

I still remember some of the things my therapist said to me during those times and her words still help me.

After about 6 months I was feeling better, both physically and emotionally, and she and I decided I didn't need to come any more.

You've suffered a great loss, and I don't think it's inappropriate for you to still feel fragile despite the fact that you've found some happiness again.

I'd find some grief counseling if I were you. Life is so short. If seeing someone can help you, what's the downside?

Good luck. You deserve to be happy again.

Cindy

[SBeth]

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful comments and helpful advice. I am going to go ahead and seek out some help. It just makes sense that I at least give it a try because I really don't have anything to loose!

I guess it is probably just this time of the year. It seems that every autumn gets a little harder instead of a little easier. This month is just filled with difficult memories. I know I am not telling anyone here anything new, everyone on here that has lost a loved one knows what I am talking about. Same story, just different season for some.

Thank you all again. While I may not post often, you can be sure that I log in frequently to keep up on everyone and their loved ones.

Take care.