jean44

Andrea, So sorry to read of your Mom's passing. I know how much she meant to you and your babies. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs and love to you, Jean

Love it! (just my opinion) Thanks for your efforts. Jean

God has a plan for us all and thankfully, he knows Casey is needed here for now. Congrats Casey! Love and hugs, Jean

What a sweet tribute Randy. I am sure it would make Patti happy to know that you are honoring her. Looking forward to seeing it! Jean

Ronnie, I understand the "lonliness" and how you feel. Thom has been gone 2 yrs. and I still miss him everyday and probably always will. I admire the fact that you have found comfort in a new friend and are able to move on. I am "stuck" in a place where guilt resides and I don't know how to move past that. Good luck and Happy Holidays to you and Erica. I hope you find peace and are able to enjoy the holidays together. Jean

I am so sad to read this update on Geri. I like many of you enjoyed her always upbeat posts. Sweet Kacey, you have been through so much and so many losses, I am sorry that you have lost your friend Geri as well. It is obvious from your kind words that you really cared for her. Sincere sympathy to Geri's family and friends. Jean

Judy, I am so sorry that you lost someone that you loved and cared about, no matter how you lost them. It's a sad situation. I am glad she had you for a friend. Hugs to you, Jean

Nick, I get "it". My Dad passed away 8 yrs. ago Oct. 14th. I think of him everyday and miss him everyday. It sure has left a void in my life NOT having him here. When I lost him I wondered how I could go on without him. I was most definately a Daddy's girl. I didn't think my heart would ever heal. Then, 6 yrs. later I lost Thom. Now, I KNOW my heart will never heal. Cancer sucks......plain and simple. Thinking of you, Jean

Thank you dear Lily for your sweet words. I know you understand. I am so thankful for the memories that Thom and I made together however, I am having a really tough time rememebering and being happy and not remembering and being sad. I am sad when I think of Thom because I can't seem to look forward without him here with me. I think that's the biggest issue I have is moving forward because I can't seem to put my past behind me. I know that to move forward I can still have those memories but, I have to accept the fact that Thom can no longer be a part of it and I have to let that part of him (the physical part of him NOT being here) go. I just am so tired of being sad. I WANT to be happy. I know that I am the only one that can make that happen but, I just can't let go yet. Thanks so much for all of your responses. Hugs to you all, Jean

Thanks Nick, no it NEVER goes away. I guess it will happen when it happens Randy but, I am just really sad, lonely, heartbroke and just want to be happy. Thanks Randy. I keep praying for better days.

Thanks ladies for your love, hugs, support and words of encouragement. I appreciate your replies. I really miss Thom and everything that we should have had/could have had together. You're right Ginny. Thom would want me to be happy. I am just having a hard time figuring out how to do that. Thanks again, Jean

Three years ago today (Sept. 26, 2008), Thom was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. I had lost my Dad to the same diagnosis 5 yrs. earlier so I KNEW what the future would hold. 316 days later he was gone. I HATE these damn anniversary dates and can't seem to get them out of my mind. Bottom line, I MISS HIM MORE EVERYDAY. How in the world do you find happiness again after such a loss? Cancer sucks. Jean

Thank you Lily and Judy. I appreciate your kind words and for you thinking of me. This grief "thing" sure is tough. Jean

Thanks so much Sue. It's comforting to know that someone else understands just how great a loss I (and you) have suffered. While I do have family and friends in my life, it's just not the same without him. I am just waiting for the day when I wake up and things are somehow "different" and I can look forward to enjoying the day. Most days now when I wake up, the first thing I think of is Thom is not here with me to share in whatever the day may bring. Hugs right back to you Sue and I hope for better days for the both of us. Love, Jean

Thanks Nick and Judy. I pray that maybe by next year it will pass a little more softly. I appreciate your replies and understanding. Hugs, Jean

Thank you sweet Katie for your kind words. It was amazing and that's what makes the loss so hard. Thank you Randy, I know you understand and I really appreciate your support. Love you both, Jean

Thom passed away 2 yrs. ago yesterday and today is our 31st anniversary. To say I am sad doesn't even begin to explain my feelings. The loss of him still seems so new and there are days when I still can't believe he is gone. When I lost him part of me went with him that I'm afraid I will never get back, and it was an important part of me that helped make me the person I use to be. It's hard to find happiness no matter how hard I look because I am ALWAYS missing that one "special" part that Thom's love provided. I know, I will always have him with me in spirit and in my heart but, it's not enough. The bottom line is I miss him everyday and my life sucks without him and I don't know how to get past that feeling. We always told each other that we wanted to "go" before the other because we couldn't live without each other. I just wish I wasn't the one left trying to go on living without him. Thanks again for "listening". Just one of "those" days. Jean

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read my post and reply. Kasey, sometimes a hug is all we need. Thank you. Jean

Thank you dear Judy. I hope so too and am glad you have the good memories first and foremost as it should be. Hugs to you, Jean

Thank you Katie. I wish you still had your Mom and Dad here on Earth with you. Hugs to you, Jean

On Aug. 8th my husband Thom will be gone 2 yrs. He passed away from lung cancer. During the past 2 yrs. my emotions have run wild. When I think of him, my first emotion is sadness and I don't want it to be. I want it to be happy. But, the strongest emotion I have would be lonliness. A feeling of being totally alone. I have family and friends but, I still feel lonely. Thom and I were together in my teens, twenties, thirties, fourties, and he passed away the year I turned 50. It doesn't matter where I go or what I do, I am lonely. I miss EVERYTHING about him and that makes me lonely. No matter what life threw at us, he would always say, "you and me all the way". As long as we were together we could get through anything. Well, we are no longer together (he will always be with me in my heart) and everything isn't alright and I can't get through everything that life throws at me without him. I wish there was a magic pill that would take grief away and bring Thom back but, I know that's not going to happen. My life truely sucks without him and I am still looking for a way to "move on". I love him more than life and given the option, would have given up my life to be buried with him. Just needed to tell someone how I feel and I know there are several of you here that know what it's like to lose that part of your life that helped make you who you are. Thanks for reading. Jean

Thank you sweet Kasey. Jean

Laurie, Thank you. Thom and I had 30 yrs. of love and wonderful memories and I just can't seem to put those 10 months of cancer behind me. I hope someday, like you I can put the bad memories behind me and focus on the good. I hope that day is soon. Take care, Jean

Randy, As you know, that's easier said than done. I wish I could erase all of the bad "stuff" and just keep the good. I guess in the end it didn't matter what treatment Thom had it was in God's hands and it was His decision to have him with Him in Heaven. That's the thought that gets me through my days, KNOWING that Thom is at peace and no longer suffering. CANCER SUCKS!!! Jean

Randy, Don't want to go into details because I know there are others that I am sure had great experiences with Avastin but, the last week of Thom's life was a living hell because of Avastin. He went through pain and suffering that should have NEVER happened. Am I bitter? Absolutely. I am coming up on the 2nd anniversary of his death and at the present I am reliving his last week of life and it hurts. Thanks for understanding. Hugs and understanding to you my friend. Jean