jean44

Hi Ron, Sorry about the loss of your wife and how you are struggling. I understand. I lost my husband 15 months ago and I am still trying to process and deal with his loss. I believe that God has given me the gift of NOT remembering the last week that Thom was in the hospital. There is so much I don't remember and I believe it has helped me to cope. I guess in this part of my life, not remembering gives me comfort. Good luck to you Ron. This is a horrible and lonely road to travel. Jean

Katy, so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear husband. My husband was diagnosed Sept. 26, 2008 and I lost him Aug. 8, 2009. He was 53. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I am still struggling with my loss. It takes time. Jean

Hi Ron, I really believe you have to have experienced the loss of your significant other to understand the grief that is felt by those of us left behind. I lost my husband 11 months ago and the grief and loss is as real and raw as it was the day I lost him. I have been to grief counseling once and am on my second round of grief support group. I really don't think anyone can help with the feelings you are having. It's such an individual experience for all of us. Unfortunately, I have no advice to give you because I am still struggling with it as well. The only thing I keep reminded myself of is that we had NO CHOICE in this deal. I also keep reminding myself what the most intelligent man I ever knew told me for 30 years "we HAVE to play the hand we are dealt". That man was my husband, Thom. Good luck to you. Jean

Thanks Nick. The whole cancer thing just sucks. I appreciate you reading my post and taking the time to respond. I enjoy seeing the pictures of your little girl and can only imagine how proud your Mom is of you and your little angel. Keep the faith, Jean

Thanks friends for taking the time to read my post and to respond. Thanks Katie for the prayers and for providing us a place where we can come to look for help when we need it. It provided me a comfort zone to write about Thom when I needed to. Ginny, I started coming here when my Dad was traveling the cancer journey and remember reading about your love story with Earl. When you lost him I remember feeling so bad for you because Thom and I had a similar relationship and I couldn't imagine losing him. How ironic it is that now I know. Randy, I hope you are right and it does get easier because I still cry everyday and am just so sad. Thanks for your kind words. Judy, thank you for your kind words and hugs. I do have some comfort KNOWING that my Thom is in Heaven because he was such a good person on Earth. Sandy, I know what you mean by burying your face in your husbands clothes thinking about the "what ifs". I did the same thing and now have kept some of his jackets that I refuse to wash because I can still smell him. Thanks for your response, kind words and understanding. A few days after I lost Thom, a dear friend I work with said to me "Jean, you were so blessed to have been loved by such a good man". I guess that says it all. I still miss him and always will. Thanks again everyone, Jean

I lost my husband, Thom to lung cancer on Aug. 8, 2009. I am a couple months away from the one year anniversary of losing him however, I seemed to have become obsessed over the date. I have already taken off work and am planning a small gathering of my family at the cemetery to honor him. I can't get him or this date off my mind. I am heartsick and miss him as if I just lost him yesterday. For those of you who don't appreciate reading long post, I apologize in advance for the length. I don't post open but I know this is a place where I can come and "talk" and feel safe and understood. I am struggling tonight so, I came here. The day Thom was diagnosed with lung cancer, with his blessing, I started a hand written journal. I wrote in it everyday until a couple of months after he passed away. For some reason I feel the need to share this with you. This is what I wrote the last day-Fri. Oct. 2, 2009 Today will be the last day I will write in my journal. Thom and I started it the day he was diagnosed with lung cancer so we could write down our journey. 314 days later he was gone and for all intents and purposes so am I. I am totally lost and can't begin to explain the sorrow and heartache I feel. I am sad everyday. Somedays are worse than others. I miss everything about Thom-his smell, his smile, his voice, his hand on mine, his hugs, him walking me out in the morning and being outside to meet me when I get home-most of all I miss his love. His presence and words were a constant reminder of his love for me. While I always knew it, it was just nice to have him in my life. I love you Thom, always have, always will and I will miss you forever! God, please help me. I still have the same feelings today. Cancer sucks. Thanks for reading, Jean

Barb, I have been following Bill and your story and I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Jean

Annie, I have dealt with Hospice twice. For my Dad in 2003 and my husband last year. I was fortunate that in both cases the Oncologist suggested Hospice and even contacted them for me. They are a fabulous organization. My husband was home a little less than an hour when he passed away and Hospice made it possible for him to be there, even if it was for a short period of time. We had them for Dad for several weeks and couldn't have had him home without them. These are hard times. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Jean

Well, today is another "first" for me-the first Valentines Day without Thom. My heart is literally aching. His birthday was Friday, so this week has kind of been a double dose of heartache in the past few days. One of the other things I am trying to deal with today is the guilt. I feel guilty because I have feelings of jealously towards people that still have that special person in their life. I am NOT a mean, hateful, or jealous kind of person so this is a new deal for me. I guess I am posting this here today because I KNOW there is someone on this board that knows how I feel and can kind of confirm that my feelings are "normal" and that the loss of Thom hasn't turned me into a person I don't want to be. Anyway, I really do hope that those of you that still have that special someone in your life enjoy today. I remember how special today can be. Jean

Thank you Connor for caring. Jean

You are whomever you want to be. Jean

Beth, I am so sorry. While the grieving process is still fairly new to me, I can feel in my heart that it will go on for quite some time. I will be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers hoping today passes gently for you. It's just not fair. Love, Jean

You have two choices: be miserable or get help and try to live. You have to WANT to feel better in order to actually feel better. I learned this the hard way. Good luck, Jean

Michelle, I lost my husband three months ago. I am totally lost. I guess the biggest emotion I am dealing with now is sadness. However, I get up everyday knowing I have two options: 1. I can choose to live or 2. I can choose just to survive. I have chosen to live. No matter how hard this road of grief is, I will not let it defeat me and I will not live the rest of my life being miserable. With the assistance of my grief counselor and the coping skills he has given me, I know I can make it through this. Good luck to you. I am keeping you in my prayers. Jean

I remember Becky and the special relationship that her and Curtis had and how much she loved that little girl. It's NOT fair. Jean

Hi Beth, While I only lost Thom in Aug. I started grief counseling just a few weeks after he passed. Is is helping me "get through my days" but I still feel as if I am surviving but not really "living". I do think however, if you feel it is something that could help you then try it. I don't think it matters how long ago you lost Bill. If you still feel that loss and need help coping, I think you could definately benefit from a little help. Good luck, Jean

Sandy, Thank you for that beautiful story. Jean

Michelle, I too have sought grief counseling from Hospice however, I meet one on one with a counselor. He said we may "graduate" to group sessions but he feels like I need the one on one first. If you have issues with talking before a group you may want to ask about the personal counseling services they offer. Good luck, Jean

Michele, So sorry to read about the loss of your husband. Also, having to deal with financial and family issues should NOT be happening now. While Thom and I were well prepared for the financial part, I had no idea how bad the family issues would become. From experience I can tell you that today it is about YOU. Do what you need to get through this and to hell with everyone else. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Jean

I hear you Barbb and am sending you big hugs and much understanding. I am where you are right now and it's not a good place to be. Jean

Nick, Wise words. Thanks for the mind bender. I NEEDED this today. I NEEDED to be reminded that something good could possibly come from something that has totally devestated me. Food for thought, for sure. Jean

Nick, Wise words. Thanks for the mind bender. I NEEDED this today. I NEEDED to be reminded that something good could possibly come from something that has totally devestated me. Food for thought, for sure. Jean

Janette, I hear you and I understand. I lost my spouse and best friend five weeks ago and am wondering how in the world I will survive without him. It is NOT easy, my friend. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Jean

Janette, I hear you and I understand. I lost my spouse and best friend five weeks ago and am wondering how in the world I will survive without him. It is NOT easy, my friend. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Jean

Barbb, I know SAD. I am living it everyday and have been since I lost Thom a month ago. I started grief counseling this week and when the counselor ask what feelings I was having, the only one I can come up with that kind of sums things up is the word SAD. It is a horrible feeling and one I have yet to conquer. Hense, the grief counseling. Good luck to you, these are some really tough days. Thinking of you, Jean