jean44

Ann, So sorry to read your post and the loss of your dear Buddy. When Thom was ill he told my daughter that we would take her two cats because, as a nurse she didn't have the time to care for them properly. When Thom started treatment and could no longer work, those two cats, especially the male became constant companions and special friends to him. I had to continue to work to pay the bills and I carried the health insurance so staying home was not an option. It was funny because once they became a part of our family, it was easier for me to leave the house knowing someone was there to give Thom attention and to love him. Now, when I look at those two I am reminded of the comfort and love they brought to him and still bring to me. Thinking of you and sending you an understanding hug. Jean

I HATE Avastin and believe that it was the reason my husband's life was shorter than what it should have been. We were given the side effects and possible issues with Avastin but, there was no where else to turn. I am NOT blaming anyone or anthing for Thom's death except cancer however, I think if we would have had another drug to use he may have been here a little longer. While I can't say that for sure, it's how I feel. Just our experience. Jean

Judy in MI, I LOVE your post. Jean

When my husband started treatment his doctor had suggested taxotere over taxol. He said that taxotere seemed to be tolerated better. Since Thom never had the taxol I have nothing to compare it to, just wanted to offer our experience. Good luck, Jean

Congrats Barb, what an exciting time for your family. Yes, there will be lots of tears but, that's okay. Sometimes, tears are good. I am sure that Rod will be looking down at his daughter with love and appreciation that he was able to meet the man who will become her husband. I still have "meltdowns" at such simple things as looking at our beagle and remembering how much Thom loved him and how he loved Thom. So, I think at your daughters wedding, everyone will expect your feelings to show and that's okay. Enjoy the day. I am sure you will "feel" Rod all around you. Hugs, Jean

Sorry Ronnie. The anniversary dates are always hard and it just doesn't seem to get any better. We just have to learn to "deal" with it. Unfortunately, we were not given a choice in this to be left behind. Thinking of you, Jean

I like that better too Randy. For some reason the word widow is offensive to me and somehow just takes away the special relationship that Thom and I had. I KNOW you "get it" Randy. Thanks, Jean

I come here often to check on others but, I don't post much. But, I am still here. I have also found that I HATE the word, widow. Jean

So sorry to learn of the loss of Patti but, am so glad to know her wish was fulfilled and she was able to see her son graduate. Nick, sorry you lost your dear Mom. No one will ever replace her. She spoke of you all the time and was so proud of you. Christine, I am sorry you lost your friend. I know how special Patti was to you and no one will replace her in your heart. Cancer sucks. Jean

Michelle, First of all NO, NO, NO! I don't think it's too soon at all. No one can say how soon is too soon. Only you know when the time is right. I am so happy for you. I understand EVERYTHING you said in your post. I am 20 months out from losing Thom and I am lonely, scared about the future alone and feel guilt anytime I do think of moving forward. I hope to someday get to the point where you are. I miss having someone to laugh with and just have someone to do things with. I am so happy for you and hope this new special person in your life will help you to "live" again. Love, Jean

Thanks so much for your response Michelle. I know you understand how I feel. I have sent you a private message. Love, Jean

Laurie, That is interesting. No, I have never saw anyone else spell their name that way until now. Thom was supposedly named after a football player that spelled his name that way. That was the story I got. Have a wonderful week Laurie. I do appreciate your responses. Love, Jean

Thank you so much Laurie for your beautiful, hope filled post. It's nice to read that you are moving on and you have found it in your heart to live and be happy. I am sure the key to alot of the grieving process is staying busy. I am trying hard to focus on that. I am sorry that you lost your Bill but, happy to hear you have fond memories. I too, have relied on my faith to get me through, especially during the darkest days. I am confident that someday "it" will get easier to live without Thom. But, I am a person with very little patience. Thanks again for taking the time to read my post and reply. Your words meant alot. Love, Jean

Dear Susan, Thank you so much for your reply. I am so sorry for your loss as well as your Dad's. I have lost my Dad and my spouse to lung cancer, and it is so hard. I really struggled when I lost my Dad 7 years ago as I was a Daddy's girl. But losing Thom, has totally devastated me and I am still working on "living" again. Thanks for your hugs and your love. I needed it today. Love, Jean

Randy, I wish I had some words of wisdom to help you but, as you know I am still struggling with the loss of Thom. I am still trying to figure out how to deal with living each day without him. I always knew if I lost him, it would be difficult but, I NEVER thought my heart would ache as bad as it does for so long. Given the choice, I wish I could have been buried with him. Good luck and if you find that "magic" pill, please let me know. Take care, Jean

Thank you Ned for your reply. I have started doing exactly what you are suggesting. There is a woman here in my hometown that has a husband with cancer who is not doing well. I have begun calling her, taking dinner to her and her family, sending cards and offering what support I can. She tells me over and over how much she appreciates me, and you are right it does help. Barbb, laughing until you pee also sounds like a good idea to me too. Jean

Dear Katie, Thank you for that. You don't know how many of your statements I could be making. While you didn't lose your spouse, you lost an important part of your life like we did and you do understand the lose. Your post has helped more than you know. I love you and what you do to help others who has suffered a loss as great as what you suffered. I too wish we were all closer, I would love to give you a hug, my friend. I also NEED to start living again. Thanks again Katie. I know you are busy and have too much going on yet you took the time to express how you feel, hoping you could help us. That is a true friend. Love, Jean

So sorry Nicole to hear about the loss of your Mom. It is so tough when we lose our parents. You are in my thougths and prayers. Jean

Thank you Randy for reading my post and replying. 5 years later and you are still struggling. That's what really worries me, I don't want the sadness and heartache to continue for the next serveral years. I agree with you on finding a church to attend. I have been thinking alot about that as well. I don't think I could have survived Thom's illness and his loss without my faith. It is an important part of my life. I hope things improve for you too Randy and you are able to move on and find happiness. Praying for us all, Jean

Thank you so much sweet Barbb. I will definately put you in my address book. I appreciate you sharing your e-mail address with me. It sounds like we have ALOT in common, may I add ,unfortunately. You will be hearing from me, I am sure. Here is my e-mail address if you ever need someone to "listen". ThomJeanH@aol.com. After 17 months, I still can't change my e-mail address (which includes Thom's name). Thanks again. Love, Jean

Thank you so much Barbb for your honesty and for taking the time to respond to my post. I understand exactly what you are saying. It just seems like I am missing something. Like I should KNOW how to move forward. I am so tired of being sad. I have been to grief counseling and grief group support and I am still in this "funk". I always knew if something ever happened to Thom I would be lost. I just didn't realize how lost I would be. I am also having a hard time believing I will ever be happy again and that kind of thinking doesn't give me much to look forward to. Thanks again Barbb. You may not think that you had much to offer in your response but, it is a little relief to realize I am not alone in my thoughts. I will keep you in my prayers and hope for happier days for you. Love, Jean

Damn it, I am lonely. I have been lonely for the past 17 months since I lost Thom. He was the "other part" that made me who I was. Now I am missing that and I have to reinvent who I will be without him. I was listening to the radio on the way to work this morning and one of the lines in a song I was listening to was "I could never live without you". That is so true. While I am breathing and exsisting, I am not LIVING. I don't know how to get back to the point of LIVING again. I am no longer happy. I want to be happy again. I am really having a tough time moving forward. Just reaching out this evening to see if any of you wise folks on this board has any suggestions to offer. This is too hard. I HATE CANCER!!!!! Jean

Hi Kristin, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Dad. I lost my Dad to lung cancer 7 years ago. I remember the pain and heartache of losing him. That being said, I lost my husband 16 months ago to lung cancer and his loss totally devastated me. I am still trying to cope with his loss. I am not, by any means trying to lessen the loss of your Dad, but when you lose your soul mate, it is so different. I believe in the loss, you have lost a part of yourself and I am having a hard time finding myself again. I am sure your Mom is questioning what her life will be like now without him. Today, I can only see it as a bleak future. I am trying to move forward because I wasn't given a choice but, it is not easy. I did find some comfort in one on one grief counseling and group counseling that I was offered through Hospice. While they were a great help in providing coping skills and thoughts on how to help work through the grief, there is no magic pill. In the end, I believe it is something deep within us that helps us to survive the things we cannot survive that get us through. Good luck to your Mom. I know her pain and would encourage her to do whatever she can to make herself feel better. There is no easy answer. I wish there was. Will keep your Mom and your family in my prayers. Jean

Michelle, I understand, my friend. Sending you lots of love and hugs. I agree-I hate cancer too. Jean

My husband passed away the day before our 30th wedding anniversary. He has been gone 16 months and I am still wearing my wedding band. No excuses, no reason needed. As long as I feel married to Thom, I will continue to wear my ring. I may NEVER take it off. It is what makes you feel right. Not anyone else. How rude that someone would even ask. Sending you hugs and understanding. Jean