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Tomorrow is Five Years


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Five years.

And y'all, I still check in here. I do. I never imagined I'd still be here five years later, but here I am, posting to tell you it's been 5 years. I like to keep tabs on old friends, and though I don't post much I pray for so many new folks here.

Five years. I can't believe that it's been that long since I've held her hand or heard her voice.

I thought this year I'd be really grown up about it. That I would do the 'celebrate Mom' things I do on this day and not think about it that much. I'd hardly even get teary. Maybe I wouldn't even fully notice it.

And honestly, I haven't thought about it that much because life has been so full of... stuff here. Some really great stuff (we're expecting another little girl before Christmas this year), some hard stuff (I'm having some interesting health issues of my own and looking at surgery soon after baby is born to address them). I've been so busy broiling in my own stuff, that I sat in church today and was especially affected by all the adult women with their Moms who were there and realized what weekend it was and was blindsided. I usually rehearse and feel sad at appropriate times all week before 'the day' and then the day of goes ok, and I'm alright until the dates creep up again. But now I'm afraid tomorrow I'll feel like I got hit by a mack truck. Cause I've been near tears in the middle of conversations about car repair and child-rearing all day today.

Also, I need her right now. And this is the biggest time since she's been gone that I've had something huge of my own to face. And that raw need in the face of the loss that tomorrow represents is just tough. I want my Mama right now.

So... Like I said I wanted to be all differentiated and cool and collected about tomorrow, but this year I'm not. This year I really just want my Mommy. And I'm not digging the reminder that she's not here. And I guess that's just the way life is. We think we're done. We think we can stop feeling the feelings and then we find out that they're still there lurking in ways we didn't expect.

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big hugs to You and hope things go ok with upcoming health issues!!(((((((((((())))))))))))))) from randy!

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When things are going the way they are going, who could blame you for wanting your mommy...and then the sting of looking at the calendar can be especially hard. Understood.

All things considered, I'd still tag you as collected and cool...

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Dear Val, I have tears streaming down my face right now. I've been trying to keep up with everything going on with you, as you post them on Facebook. You have your plate really full and I can only imagine that the loss you feel is magnified now. There are just some things and some times that only a mama knows the right thing to say or do. I hope your day won't be too hard for you. I also want you to know that I am and will be praying for you as you go through this pregnancy, childbirth and health issues etc.



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Hi Val,


I don't know you but I know your story, for I lived it too. My Mom died when I was 40. There were so many times (still are) when I just needed my Mom to talk to. They say time heals, and it does to an extent, but nothing will ever fill the void of our Mom's going when they are so young.

My Mom's been gone for almost 16 years, and the sting of the loss is gone, but there's an ache that will always be with me. I keep her alive in my memories, and talk about her to this day to make sure of that.

Judy in MI

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Oh Val, I'm so sorry I missed responding yesterday. I'm not around quite as much as I should be and missed your post. The loss of a wonderful mother such as yours has a profound impact on the rest of one's life - I still miss and need my own mother 25 years later :cry: . You have so much 'stuff' - medical as well as happy pregnancy news that absolutely warrant a mother's hug and words of comfort. Try to imagine them. You've been told by many in the past what a remarkable young woman you are - and you are. You are your mother's daughter.

Love to all of you,


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Val you brought back so many memories of all you went through with your mom. I can't believe it has been 5 years... wow, you snap your fingers and its five years??

I wish there was a way we know that they are watching over us and are by our side even though we cannot physically see or feel their soft beautiful way of giving a moms love. Mom's are always there for support and in times like you are going through (and I will pray for you Val) for that needed love that says, I am here for you and everything will be alright and even if it isn't we will go through this together... Val, I have to believe they are with us..

Iam so excited to hear you are having another daughter... you are truly blessed with such a beautiful family.

Take care my friend... makes no difference if you don't post like we use to, but we are always here for each other.

Maryanne ♥

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