Don’t want to continue

[Kamoto]

To not choke from the esophagus cancer, I started chemo on Monday.  The dry heave, excessive smells, low food taste are wearing on me one week in.  Not sure this is worth it.  Five weeks of this to ruin my Thanksgiving And Christmas.  What if I don’t get another holiday shot.  lung cancer with tagrissso and this one are wearing me down.  Sorry to be so pessimistic but I don’t deal with being I’ll well.  Kindly

[Justin1970]

Kamoto

I felt like that last xmas it got really hard to swallow anything towards the end of treatment I didn't have cancer in my esophagus but it was in my lymph nodes so ended up with severe esophagitis and terrible pain whilst swallowing I took a small amount of morphine before I ate anything and it really helped, keep going we all get like this I know I have a few times even over the last few weeks, but I did manage Christmas Dinner last year and im so glad I persevered because I managed to eat with my family even though it hurt to swallow the morphine numbed it enough to do it and we had a great time, 

So please don't give up because you will have plenty more good thanksgivings and Christmas's this is just a bump in the road ,

All the best Take care Justin 

[Tom Galli]

Kamoto,

None of us deal well with being ill. And cancer coupled with miserable treatment side effects yield a special kind of ill feeling. We understand.

I can only speak for myself but say I endured misery during treatment but my 18 years of life after treatment exceed misery by a wide margin. I hope and pray you have the same outcome.

Stay the course.

Tom

[Judy M2]

Like Justin, I had terrible esophagitis after radiation. I couldn't eat or drink, and I couldn't get effective pain management for a while (long story). 

I basically lived on Ensure or Boost Soothe for a few months. I never knew what I could tolerate from minute to minute. People recommend smoothies but I can't stand them. You need a bland diet for now, and if all you can manage is ice cream, then so be it. 

My palliative care doctor helped me so much with pain management, but they do more than that by helping manage side effects. And THC can also help minimize some side effects too. 

When I was so sick, I was miserable and didn't think I could survive, but here I am almost 3 years later. Try to take things one day at a time, even one hour at a time. If your oncologist gave you a prescription for anti-anxiety meds, I recommend taking them. They're sort of standard for chemo patients. Hang in there. 

[LilyMir]

So sorry to hear of your troubles with Chemo! I felt like I was going to die when I had chemo. Such terrible side effects! After communicating with my doctors and ending up in ER twice, my doses were adjusted, and pain and symptom management doctors joined my care team. It was much better after that but was still horrible. It all passed and hopefully it killed errant cancer cells that were not visible!

Hang in there, I lived on ice cream and occasional Ensure drink for a long while. I was given excellent nausea medication, pain medication,  "magic" mouthwash and steroids. In the end I gained so much weight because I started to eat a lot more all day (due to steroids), which I am still trying to lose (almost 5kg). You got this!

[Kamoto]

Thanks for the encouragement.  I was in the waiting room the other day and a stem cell replacement patient was there.  Poor guy had seven months of chemo and countless replacement therapy cycles.  I got a sense of my pain isn’t nearly as bad so mind over matter.  Two weeks in now, no hair loss and swallowing is fine.  As you say, five weeks of hell for years of health.  I’m trying, just had a mental meltdown.  Love everyone’s encouragement.  Kindly

[Karen_L]

It's a rough road sometimes, physically and emotionally. You've been hit with a lot, yet you keep going. Have all the meltdowns you want. You're a hero no matter how many you have.

[LouT]

Kamoto,

You're hanging in there and you must keep your eyes on the goal.  As you so aptly said, "years of health"...I would add years of life with your loved ones, friends, sunrises, and all the things you find beautiful about living.

Lou

[Kamoto]

Had to get forced into hospital by my daughter for hydration.  I was miserable.  Had two days of hydration which helped immensely.  Last two days of radiation are here.  Radiologist insists I finish.  I loathe him but appreciate his forcefulness.  Food taste is coming back as I’m 1.5 weeks off chemo.  But this better not come back, as I’m one and done for chemo.  

[Judy M2]

When I had esophagitis, I needed to go to my chemo infusion center 3x a week for several weeks to get IV hydration. (It was stopped at the beginning of the pandemic.) This is better than ending up in the hospital. Ask your medical oncologist for a hydration schedule. You can always stop if you feel better. 

I could barely stand to ring the bell on my last radiation treatment. My husband had to hold me up. I don't think the group of friends and family in attendance quite understood how difficult it was for me to do that. I was so weak and sick. 

One day at a time. I hope you're feeling better soon. 

[LilyMir]

Dehydration sent me to ER in ambulance twice during chemo, despite drinking a lot of water. After that I put my foot down and demanded IV hydration before and after each chemo, it helped a lot and is very important.

[Kamoto]

Wow Judy and Lily, we had the same reactions.  To avoid Monday,  I did two on Friday.  Slowly recovering now, but the dam dry heaves in the morning are draining.  So glad I have many CDs of 70s shows I watch all day while resting.  I’m 6 Ft and my weight has gone down to 164 from 197.   I look malnourished but the Dr says I came in healthy so the weight loss isn’t an issue.  I take baths now versus showers as I can’t stand for long periods of time.  My Christmas prime rib came out fantastic, but I can’t stomach meat at all right now.  Happy Holidays to all on this forum

[Judy M2]

Kamoto, showers were exhausting for me. It helped to get a sturdy shower chair (from Amazon) so I didn't collapse in the shower.

I too was healthy before starting treatment, and while my treatment after-effects were serious, I think my former good health helped me to eventually recover. Actually, it was 3 years ago that I was starting to feel awful from the side effects of radiation. 

I actually like shows from the 70s too. One of my favorites is "Emergency!" 

I hope the New Year brings you relief from the misery of treatment. Take care. 

[LilyMir]

Hi Kamoto, my first infusion was horrific and I had the dose and one chemo med changed after that, which helped immensely. Nausea medications came a long way so insist that your symptom management doctor tries harder with other options. I almost never had nausea while on chemo, I believe thanks to one medication that cost so much money here (Akynzeo, $600 per pill)!

[Karen_L]

Kamoto, 

I'm chiming in late here, but sending strong encouragement to keep taking one step at a time. 

Karen