shirleyb Posted May 28, 2004 Share Posted May 28, 2004 Memorial Day is almost here. I went back and read my posts about Randy from when he got sick until he died. It was only 3 weeks time. To this day, I miss him and the pain has really never stopped. As I think of him and this holiday, I have come to realize that the love we had was very special. I also have come to realize that he would not want me suffering as I do with the sadness that at times is so overwhelming it hurts. I have made a decision though. I am going to find happiness in my life again. Randy would have wanted that more than anything because he did love me. I know that as he watches over me from heaven, he is saying, "Shirl, time to get with the program. You promised you would make it and be happy again. Now do it girl! I can't stand to see you in so much sadness and pain anymore. It is time to get back to living like I wanted to. You have to do it for me. You have to do it for the kids. You have to do this for you. You promised me that you would. You need to keep on keeping on and find that which makes you smile again. Just this one thing is all I ask of you. In doing that, you have honored our love for each other." So in honor of him and in honor of Memorial Day, I am making a choice to find that ray of sunshine that comes up every morning. I am making a choice to live life to its fullest. Yes it is hard, but once you have made a commitment to finding that glimmer of hope, that little bit of happiness, you find it is easier to remember the good times and the laughter without so much pain. Oh I know there will still be tears and there will be days that my heart just aches because I miss him. But he is with me now and will always be. I loved him like he loved me and if it were me instead of him, this is what I would want for him. To keep on LIVING. To find happiness again, to find himself strong and able to face the world knowing that he was loved for himself. My memories of him will not die or fade away. But I will remember the good times and the love we shared for all those years. It is my way of honoring him. I pray for all of us. Those that have lost their loved ones, and those that are still fighting the battle. I pray for strength for each of us. Don't lose sight of the rewards for loving each other. They want us to enjoy the God given blessings we have. Keep your eyes open for the miracles that happen each and every day we LIVE. In living life, we honor them and give thanks. I am so thankful that Katie and Rick have this board running and I can share these most private thoughts with you. May you all have a peace filled holiday full of love and kindness. May you smile as you think of those you loved and still do love. You are in my prayers now and always, Much love to each of you. Shirleyb Randy's number one fan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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