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Marital woes

David A

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I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men &women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never

figured out why men think with their head and women with

their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets

thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."


One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the

passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like

it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to

hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman

enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who

I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time

with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,

big unnamed dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on

several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to

take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to

compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond


Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one

wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she

asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was

almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is

all dear, Let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't

feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled


I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for

awhile.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough

for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,

"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy


Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

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Oh, gee, Frank...since you're keeping score (AND shaving points) I guess I need to play hardball...

Let's just say that the wife can take the ol' plastic and go shopping and get an even bigger thrill where if the husband resorts to plastic the thrill is like...well, you're a guy, YOU do the comparison! (Try "Zip-Loc") :shock:

...and as a reminder, AND to let you know that being female, it's MY perogative to NOT play fair - let this "joke" be a lesson to you and this poor man's plight be glued foremost in your brain. He may feel he "got even", but he still did not get laid! :wink:

In future, remember that no matter what, the woman always wins...(and don't rattle my cage if your fingers are between the bars!) LOL

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