David A Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men &women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do." FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, Let's go to the cashier". I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either. Apparently not....in MY house, the guy'd be on his way to MO's this weekend to visit "the boys" at that festival! Hold this, I'll be back.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 Very good David, BOYS=5 and GIRLS=3.Now that you are our moderator you can edit the good men jokes and delete the good girl jokes.We should finally get the upper hand.I think that one even left Becky typeless.(speechless) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 Oh, gee, Frank...since you're keeping score (AND shaving points) I guess I need to play hardball... Let's just say that the wife can take the ol' plastic and go shopping and get an even bigger thrill where if the husband resorts to plastic the thrill is like...well, you're a guy, YOU do the comparison! (Try "Zip-Loc") ...and as a reminder, AND to let you know that being female, it's MY perogative to NOT play fair - let this "joke" be a lesson to you and this poor man's plight be glued foremost in your brain. He may feel he "got even", but he still did not get laid! In future, remember that no matter what, the woman always wins...(and don't rattle my cage if your fingers are between the bars!) LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 OK BECKY,Thats 1 for the ladies.You win again.HA HA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 David you better hope to God your wife never visits this forum.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 Rochelle, she'll just drag him up to the counter next time and MAKE him pay! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David A Posted June 3, 2004 Author Share Posted June 3, 2004 lets leave my wife out of it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 We were just gettin' started... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie Daughter of Bill Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Ummmmm.........Ry, won't David A. AND his wife be visiting you before too long for the big Michigan party??? hmmmmmmm.....I sure hope Ry doesn't squeal on you David. Ry, I'll pay you $10.00 to squeal. Angie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David A Posted June 4, 2004 Author Share Posted June 4, 2004 ummmmmmmmmmm Angie, can we please leave my wife out of this!lol at least my 1st wife Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 David, I can't believe you would write something like that without a huge caution sign :Fiction not Fact in front of it. I am flabberghasted.!!! MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David A Posted June 4, 2004 Author Share Posted June 4, 2004 I don't write these only copy and paste them, wish I were so clever, I'd be on ther comedy channel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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