JoniRobertWilson Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 Before Robert died, I lived in a world where I could leave my front door open and didn't worry about leaving the house to go out of town, or even across town. This week I had to have a security system installed because of this fear that has grown in me and now I want to order new curtains or something so no one can see in my living room. I am running scared from everything, afraid of my own shadow and I don't like it. I wonder if this is something any of you wives (or husbands) have felt after you lost your spouse? I have an 8 year old son and along with food, security has moved to the top of the priority pole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 But when Katie and I are home, I do not sleep well at all. Every time a cat goes in or out the pet door, I wake up. Rain, whatever. Before Becky died, I slept through a 32 foot branch landing on our roof and sliding all the way down the roof until it knocked over the fence in the backyard behind our bedroom window. So I am jumpier, I guess. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 Joni, I didnt lose my spouse, I lost my dad, however I have that fear everyday..I am afraid for everyone I love especially my children even though they are young adults..I am sure it all has to do with the trauma of it all, none the less it feels awful, I know.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Joni it makes sense. Perfect sense. My boss's husband is in a coma for over a year now, she has a 5 year old and she never said why and I never asked, but she had two dogs. One was a tiny dog and she gave him away to a good loving home. Just the other week, she got a rotweiler (I cannot spell it), she has a trainer come to the houose once a week to train it.........it doesn't take a genious to figure out why she got that dog and it just makes sense that she feels that way and that you are scared. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Joni I am sorry to hear you are feeling so vulnerable. But with this serial killer we have here coming out of his decades long "silence" I think you are being smart to add some security--just to be on the safe side. Thinking of you and Alex. elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gerbil runner Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 I think the loss of a loved one really brings home the message that "nothing is certain". Anxiety is a natural byproduct. Also, feeling that you are now soley responsible for your household can bring anxiety. A security system is always wise. I pray you will feel more secure soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renee_ky Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Joni, I do not know from experience, but I think it is natural to feel that way. I have a friend that lost her husband 6 years ago, and she is terrified if she is alone! She has 2 dogs, a security system, and bars on her windows. She has a 33 year old son that lives with her. The son will not leave her, because he knows how scared she is. She and I have talked about it and to make a long story short, basically, when she lost Charlie, she lost her security.. because with him, she had nothing to fear. I am sorry you have these feelings! I wish there was something I could do. I will pray for you to have strenght for every day and every night. Renee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haylee_38 Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 {{{ Joni }}} I am sorry and understand totaly. When my husband use to work 3rd shift. Even though I had near 600 pounds of st. bernards. I still felt the need to lock the doors and every noise sent me out of my seat. My heart goes out to you and wish there was something I could do to help. Haylee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Joni, once again your feelings and fears are normal. I don't believe I have soundly slept one single night since Dennis died, other than the few nights I have caved in and taken an Ambien. I used to feel so secure...in every way. Now, I feel like this completely vulernable person that is just waiting to be preyed upon!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 Joni, I think I understand. I didn't get married until I was 34 years old and for the entire time between 20 and 34 I lived alone and sometimes in urban areas that had their share of break ins or worse. I was never afraid. I never thought about it. I was a cat person back then and never had a dog. We now live out in the country, never lock our doors (neither one of us is sure about where our house keys are) and I never give it a second thought. but I guarantee you that if I lose Dave those doors will get locked. Do you have a dog? If not, any thoughts on getting one? We have two choc. labs and in addition to being the best companions ever and great with Faith, they're awesome watch dogs. Have a big scary bark and great hearing. Hang in there. and get the new curtains. you probably don't need them but if they make you feel better it's worth it. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted August 28, 2004 Share Posted August 28, 2004 Joni, Houdini Dawg is such good company, loving and fun to have around. He's very social when people come to visit as long as someone from his "pack" is present. But he is very protective of our house and his people when the lights are out, or when he is here alone. Invest in a dog with a good personality and train him well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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