Addie Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 ....tomorrow and Tuesday. The first such tests, since treatment began the end of May. My onc does NO tests during treatment but prefers to wait until tx is finished. I'm not sure I have the right to ask...as I've been mostly in lurk mode lately and not around to offer much support to others (although it's very hard NOT to think of everyone here) but would appreciate any good thoughts for my test results. My rad. onc was very encouraging at my follow up - 6 wks. after radiation ended. My onc - when I last saw him, my very last day of chemo - sorta burst my happy bubble. Maybe he'd just had a bad day...but he seemed NOT to encourage my positive, happy state of mind....and rather, seemed bent on making sure I was aware of the more negative possibilities. That is to say, he reminded me that since I got cancer once...the same set of factors COULD come together again and cause another cancer even IF we cure this one. AND....he also wanted to remind me that this upcoming scan may NOT show the "all clear". He was reluctant to talk much about anything besides just getting this CT scan scheduled. I'm not sure why he needed to remind me of things I already, realistically, know....but I DO know that he ruined a good day and several successive days until I finally got p.o.'d that he'd rained on my happy parade. I intend to talk to him about it when I see him on Wednesday for the results of my CT. This is not how he usually is...but the doom and gloom routine really took the celebration out of my finishing chemo! Anyway...I'd appreciate any good thoughts anyone might put out there for test results and I'm hoping that feeling good (as I am) will be indicative of good results! Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 Addie, You can post as little or as much as you want and you will ALWAYS have my prayers and support. Since getting scans and waiting for results is my most difficult area in this whole thing for me, I understand your apprehension. I wouldn't be too hard on the doctor for busting your happy bubble. As you know, we've had some pretty extensive conversations about this subject recently, and I have the opinion that it's best to expect the best but plan for the worst. I know I'm probably going to be in the minority on this subject, but even though he burst your bubble which I hate to see, I think he also was probably being honest with you in preparing for the worst. I wasn't there to hear his words, but it sounds like he could have done a little better job on the flip side of that - expecting the best! But in any case, I'm not real supportive of a doctor that pumps a lot of sunshine when he/she knows full well it might not turn out that way. As hard as it is to hear, at least if things don't turn out like you want them to, you have been prepared by the doctor. Of course, as you know, many times, especially with SCLC, the results are very, very positive, and therefore, I am expecting the best and hoping and praying that you will, too, and also that the chemo sent the invaders packing!!! Many prayers for you, my friend! Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SDianneB Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 Addie, you know you have all the good thoughts & prayers you need, and then some, without asking even! I had the same Dr. Gloom & Doom for an oncologist, and he's the one I finally dumped. From him though, it was each and every time -- his routine -- not unusual from him at all. I just got tired of hearing it. It seemed like if I told him I had a hangnail, that would trigger the "every little ache and pain might be cancer" speech, and I was NOT going to hear that one more time! The new Oncologist is so much different, and she actually listens and addresses each specific concern without being so gloomy about it. I'm due for some tests myself in a few weeks to see where things stand after my treatment, which will put me squarely in your shoes shortly, so don't wear them out, ok? Di Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addie Posted October 3, 2004 Author Share Posted October 3, 2004 Thanks, Peggy! I always appreciate your support. I think what got me about my onc that day, was that I was celebrating the end of chemo....something worth celebrating, I think. AND...I asked him NO questions to inspire his gloomy comments....they were all unsolicited. To me, it was tantamount to telling me how long I've got to live when I never asked that question, you know? It just seemed to me that there was no reason to rain on that day's parade. I AM a realist. I know you can't count on anything with this disease. So....just for one day, why not let me celebrate and be happy that chemo was behind me? Then...later....if scans showed any reason for a less optimistic view...sure, give me the straight facts. But....on that last day of chemo, the ONLY tangible indication of ANYTHING....was how I was feeling, because my onc had ordered NO tests or scans since my dx! And I was feeling good. Happy, optimistic and simply glad to have chemo behind me....at least for now! He had NO facts to support being gloomy about my future. All he had was stats and perhaps a bad day himself, which - when he foisted all of that off on me - gave ME a bad day too! In fact, several of them. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I am prepared for the worst. But if I let those thoughts come forward in my mind...they will ruin things for the present. I'm much better off thinking positively and expecting good news, because that allows me to truly live and appreciate TODAY in a positive frame of mind. It lets me smile more often. If I let fear take hold...or the negative possibilities, without anything concrete to base it on...then I cannot live happy! We just returned from a week out west, where I saw my best friend for the first time since Feb. 2003. She told me later, that her mom had asked how I was when she first saw me....and she said, "She's just the same except bald She was crackin' jokes and was just her same old self!" That's important to me, Peggy....to BE my same old self! To live my life and just be me, as much as possible. Otherwise, it's all about the cancer. I actually have moments when I forget I've got cancer! How lovely is that? Those moments don't last for hours or days.....yet. But maybe someday they will. All I know is....if I have weeks, months or years left...I'm patently refusing to live them all in fear, sadness or sickness. As long as I'm feeling good...I'm going to forge ahead optimistically, positively and in as happy a frame of mind as possible....crackin' jokes and being me. No doctor has the right to take that away from me for any reason. When the time comes that I need to revise my optimism....I can and will do so. But at this point in time...I don't need anyone - not even my onc - filling my head with negative possibilities. I know most of them already. I'll worry about them when I have to. For now...I feel good. I've got a right to enjoy that without anyone raining on my parade, don't I? Why would my onc tell me up front that this is curable AND that my "strong constitution" and positive attitude are important.....and then AFTER chemo ends, start filling my head with all the negative possibilities? I don't think - at this point - his doom and gloom is any more realistic than MY positive hope or expectation that my scans will bring good news! That's my attitude....and I'm stickin' to it! Coming back to say that you and I were typing at the same time, Di....and I will tread gently so these shoes are still in good shape when you've got them on! I'll be bouncing good thoughts your way soon, for your scans to be clear....hoping we share that good news!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 Wow, Addie! I'm sorry. I guess I just didn't read your first post very well. I didn't realize it was quite like that. I guess I thought there was more dialogue - didn't realize he just burst that out like that for no reason. You're right - he certainly should have let you have your day of happiness - especially to be so glad to have your last day of chemo. What a great feeling that must have been. I admire your postive, upbeat attitude toward this whole thing, and I'm sure your test results are going to be great. Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail p-m Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 Thoughts and prayers for a good scan and please keep up your positive attitude. I always like what Don (Lucie's Don) posts. He always says "Never borrow trouble." I like that philosophy. Haven't always lived by it but I am trying more and more. As you said, maybe your oncologist was having a bad day. In any event, prayers coming your way. Doesn't matter whethere you post a lot or not. BTW, love your picture of the doggies. Gail P-M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 Sorry you had such a downer when it should have been an upper. My prayers are with you. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
betplace Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 Addie, No matter how good things are going my Onc always reminds me there is no cure for SCLC. I get very annoyed with him about it, but he is doing such a good job of not curing it and keeping it away, that I put up with him, and his staff is WONDERFUL! SCLC reacts really well to first line chemo, so I would think that your scans will be really good, that's what I am anticipating for you! You are in my prayers often and it has nothing to do with how often you post or not, it just has to do with the fact you are a great person and we love you! Expect A Miracle Blessings Betty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 Addie, I love your attitude, it is the only way to live. We all have a death sentence from birth and we all know that. Sometimes some of us unfortunately get a serious disease such as cancer. Sometimes that serious disease becomes our beer truck. But not all of the time by any far stretch of the imagine. There are many, many long term survivors and there is no reason and no evidence now that you won't be one of them. I would tell Dr. Crepe Hanger that you only want negative news when there is absolute evidence of bad news. Remember, there are lies, damn lies and statistics. Remember, it is your choice how to live your life. I will say an extra prayer for you today that your dr. has no reason to be negative with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 Addie, SLAP that doctor....then let him know the odds of THAT recurring if he doesn't improve his bedside manner! I hope your scans are clear, girl - with all that house business, you got enough sh*t in yer backyard to have to start shoveling more! I'm waiting for notification of my gift.... Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addie Posted October 4, 2004 Author Share Posted October 4, 2004 Oops, a double post! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addie Posted October 4, 2004 Author Share Posted October 4, 2004 I think we all need to hop in the car and drive over and slap Betty's doctor, too~!! Thanks to all for the support. I feel pretty fortunate up to this point...in that I tolerated treatment well and once radiation was over, a lot of my energy returned. We just spent a week out in AZ running all over creation picking out stuff for the new house. For one thing, I never knew there were so many options for choosing a dang toilet!! We went from 9: to 5: most days, and from 9: to 7:30 a couple of them...and I never fell asleep in my soup but for once! The last night there, I pooped out at 8:30 and awoke at 2:30 in the morning, realizing I hadn't brushed my teeth yet! But like I said, there are times I sorta forget I have cancer...and it's nice to just feel normal. The OLD normal....not the NEW normal! And I don't want anyone ruining that without good reason. Ginny, I love your name for my onc.....Dr. Crepe Hanger! He's not usually quite so gloomy...but we'll see how he reacts on Wednesday when I tell him how his attitude ruined my week on that last day of chemo, eh? The good part is that my rad. onc is consistently positive without sugar coating anything and my internist (PCP) is the same way...so if Dr. Crepe decides to be gloomy again...I've got two other docs to offset him! Beck...I hope to deliver your gift...even if it's not till Wednesday, when I see the doc. Now....you go look for your thread in General, ok? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SDianneB Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 When I'd about had enuf of my own Dr. Gloom & Doom, the one thing I really wanted to tell him, eyeball to eyeball, was that it is entirely possible that I would outlive him. Ha. He's young, full of himself, he and his young wife just had their first baby, so I hope he has time to learn something about humanity and humility. Interesting the comments about cure/no cure -- the center where I get treatment puts out some articles, and more than one of them say that SCLC is "potentially curable." Given the recent reticence about even using the word "cure" though, that may just mean there is potential for long-term survivability after treatment. Di Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NellW Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 Hi Addie, prayers comin your way and a slap for the guy who jumped right in with his negative comments. Especially when you didnt even ask!!! Hoping you get great news. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 Addie I have written at least a half a dozen responses to your post and deleted them all. I keep thinking of the old addage, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything." So to and about your Dr., I am not going to say anything. To you, I am going to say--you are too special to let anyone get you down like that without good cause--which would be "facts" and not some "supposition." It really pissed me off to read about your experience! I am thinking of you always. love and fortitude elaine (I might be mistaken, but I have a feeling, I DID say something about your Dr.! ) Oh well, so much for trying to turn over a new leaf. But if you knew what I had previously written, you would call me a SAINT! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MayFrog Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 Addie, adding my best wishes for wonderful scan results.......my onc had said prior to my 1st scans post-treatment, that usually if you're feeling good, the results are good........ keeping everything crossed for you...... Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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