Ann

Remembering Lynda and her dad in my prayers!

Andrea, so very sorry. I know how badly you want to be a mother, so don't give up. There are so many new and progressive things happing with fertility procedures right now and I'm sure something will work for you. I know how very badly this news must hurt and I am so very sorry. [/img]

The Year 2029 Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock. Baby conceived naturally... scientists stumped. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage. Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon). Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. France pleads for global help after being over taken by Jamaica. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the keys to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036. Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

The Husband Store A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband..... On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6...... You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Happy Birthday to You Happy Birthday to You Happy Birthday, Dear Katie Happy Birthday to You.......And Many More!!!!

Deb...I can relate to your drawer full of pens. At one of our local building departments, they have a pen on the counter that I am dying for. This pen has been putting my conscious to a real test. This pen writes so nice and amooth and I want it so bad!!! I just keep thinking one of the girls will see me walk off with it and ask me to put it back. I would be completely humiliated if that happened. I'm thinking of offering to pay them for this pen. It's got to be a cheapie! It's a BIC and it says Velocity on the barrel. I ran out and bought a pack of these but they're not the same. This is a Velocity gel...blue ink! Has anyone ever seen these?

I love the Focus LX pens in either black or blue ink. I use black for most paperwork and use blue when I have to notarize a document. Our court clerk's office here always makes sure that any filed document is an original. It's had to tell if the black ink is an original or copy, so the blue ink is a sure thing. They're nice fat barrel, medium point gel pens AND....they're relatively inexpensive. I buy them at Walmart. Oh yes...I can also buy refills for them. Oh...forgot to say that the barrel also has a gripper on it for comfort!!!

Sandy...so hard you are going through all of these hard times. This is such a heavy burden for you and your family to carry. I am remembering you in my prayers.

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them. _____ Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." _____ Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." _____ Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in: "Going to town, be back directly." _____ Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. _____ All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the ter m, but they know the concept well. _____ Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold 'tater salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'! _____ Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20. _____ Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. _____ No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. _____ A Southerner knows that "fixin' " < /SPANcan be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. _____ Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, and when we're "in line," (not "on line," Yankees) ... we talk to everybody! _____ Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. _____ In the South, y'all is singular, and all y'all is plural. _____ Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. _____ Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. _____ When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! _____ Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. _____ And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way. _____ To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. _____ And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! _____ And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a s ign to hang on y'all's front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could." ____ SOUTHERN WOMEN Southern women appreciate their natural assets: Clean skin. A winning smile. That unforgettable Southern drawl. Southern women know their manners: "Yes, ma'am." "Yes, sir." "Why, no, Billy!" Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions : "Y'all come back!" "Well, bless your heart." "Drop by when you can." "How's your Momma?" Southern women know their summer weather report: Humidity Humidity Humidity Southern women know their vacation spots: The beach The beach The beach Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August: Colorful hi-heel sandals Strapless sun dresses Iced sweet tea with mint Southern women know everybody's first name: Honey Darlin' Shugah Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes Driving Miss Daisy Steel Magnolias Gone With The Wind Southern women know their religions: Baptist Methodist Football Southern women know their country breakfasts: Red-eye gravy Grits Eggs Country ham Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm: Charleston (Chawl'stn) Savannah (S'vanah) Fort Worth (Foat Wuth) New Orleans (N'awlins) Atlanta (Addlanna) Southern women know their elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform. Men in tuxedos Rhett Butler, of course! Southern girls know their prime real estate: The Mall The Country Club The Beauty Salon Southern girls know the four deadly sins: Having bad hair and nails Having bad manners Cooking bad food Wearing too much makeup in the summer Southern girls know men may come and go,but friends are fahevah ! Now...... Shugah, send this to some girls who were raised in the South or wish they had been! If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.....!!! Bless your hearts ... y'all have a blessed day now, y' hear?

So very saddened to read this news. I am thinking of you and your family and sending prayers. So very, very sorry.

Ginny...I wouldn't call you "fickle" at all. I prefer to think of people like you as being extrememly unpredictable and in my book, unpredictable translates to FUN!!! So, my friend, let's just say you're FUN. But...I'm sure we could find someone hanging around here that would profess to be a psychoanalyst. Think we could get a group discount???/

Lori...I am continuing prayers that the insurance company will do the right things and over turn their decision about your mom's benefits. I know that must be weighing so heavily on your mind right now. I have found that sometimes, when it takes a long time getting an answer, the answer is often favorable. It sounds like things are going better for you and your mom right now. I think it's great you are finding some "Lorie-Time."

I got a nice email from Larry this morning and he asked me to say hello to all his friends on the message board. It's hard for him to be with us right now, as the news of the ups and downs of hopes and disappointments are hard to handle right now. I'm sure he will be back with us as soon as he can. I let him know how we all miss him and think of him often.

Pens...they seem to be all over my house, yet I can never find one when I need it. What is your very favorite pen to write with? Black or blue ink? Fine or medium tip?

Saying prayers.

((((((((Cindy)))))))))) I would have to agree with other posts and encourage you to really have a heart-to-heart talk with your dad and see what he wants. This is, and should be, his decision. Sometimes, we tend to make decisions on what we feel is best and overlook the wishes of our loved ones. I encouraged Dennis to make decisions about his treatment and he did so as long as he was able to do so. Looking back, I'm so glad that he was the one in control of his health care. I will be saying prayers for your dad and you!

Maybe I posted this before...not sure...but still good for another laugh!!!! Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. ---------------------------------------------------------- Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. ---------------------------------------------------------- Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up! ---------------------------------------------------------- Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. ---------------------------------------------------------- Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good! --------------------------------------------------------- Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? ---------------------------------------------------------- Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. ---------------------------------------------------------- Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around! ---------------------------------------------------------- Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. ---------------------------------------------------------- Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! ---------------------------------------------------------- Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't!!! 1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it. 2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction!!!

Hi Darci. So very glad to hear that your FIL is doing so well. It sounds like he's feeling really good. Great news to hear. From what I have learned from this forum, I would think six months would be a long time to wait for a second x-ray to check for growth. I'm sure someone more knowledgeable will be able to give you a better answer.

Linda, I am so very sorry to hear that things aren't going so well right now. It sounds as if you have a doctor that is very frank and open with you. That is good, as long as he is willing to fight to save your mom. I have read several posts on this board from caregivers with a similar dilemma. I will be saying prayers for you and your mom.

Hi Pink. So glad to have you here with us! I thought a pink rose would be an appropriate welcome. [/img]

Geri...I have one question??? Can you peddle and type at the same time? Can you imagine how fast those miles would rack up if we could chat online while we walked or peddled ? I'm doing good to walk on the treadmill and sing along with music!!! You're an inspiration to us all! Please keep us posted on the progress, as I need to be motivated!! This is my new approach to weight loss.....

Subject: Colonoscopies Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous....A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies: 1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before! 2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?" 3. "Can you hear me NOW?" 4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" 5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married." 6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?" 7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..." 8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!" 9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!" 10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity." 11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?" 12. "Should I smile for my Kodak Moment?" And the best one of all....... 13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there"

SENIOR DRESS CODE Many of us "Old Folks" (those over 50, WAY over 50, or hovering near 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We are unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to Conform to current fashions.. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together And should be avoided: 1. A nose ring and bifocals 2. Spiked hair and bald spots 3. A pierced tongue and dentures 4. Miniskirts and support hose 5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads 6. Speedo's and cellulite 7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar 8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor 9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge 10. Bikinis and liver spots 11. Short shorts and varicose veins 12. Inline skates and a walker And last, but not least...my personal favorite 13. Thongs and Depends

The Three Little Pigs Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order. "I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy. "I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy. "I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy. The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner. "I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy. "I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy. "I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy. The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert. "I want a banana split," said the first piggy. "I want a root beer float," said the second piggy. "I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy. "Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy, " but why have you only ordered beer all evening?" You're gonna LOVE me for this.... The third piggy says - "Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"