Hi @Fletch I’m sorry to hear about your moms diagnosis. Cancer is a really tough disease. Being scarred shitless is completely normal. The word cancer will illicit fear universally. I’ve dealt with it as a care giver to my father and now a patient myself. Your mom is surely going through a lot of emotions right now. A cancer diagnosis is a roller coaster. Cancer treatment can be absolutely brutal. My father was diagnosed at stage IV seven years ago and opted for the standard treatment regime available at the time. Based on the statistics at the time I was torn between him getting the treatment or just living his best life with the time left. He wanted treatment and I supported that. He lived ten months after diagnosis and those were ten very difficult months for him. Cancer treatments have progressed significantly since then and prognosis have improved, but the fight is still a difficult one to endure. People are usually more willing to fight when they feel like they have something to fight for. A milestone in their life or a loved one that they don’t want to miss is often a strong motivator. My advice is get the real skinny from the doctors. Are the treatments she is under curative or palliative? If they are curative what are the odds? If they are palliative what does it look like if she doesn’t take them? Doctors are trained to follow very specific courses of actions based on stage and prognosis. They sometimes don’t consider quality of life as strongly as they should. Your mom may not be in a place where she can easily absorb all of that. Once you have the info talk through it with her so she can make an informed decision. Also tell your mom that you love her, tell her that you don’t want her to die and want her to fight. Then tell her that it is her decision and you will support whatever she decides. That last part is really important. You need to let her know how you feel and also let her know that it is her decision and you will support it. Making the decision not to fight and enjoy your quality of life with the time you have left is often viewed as selfish...it is also often viewed as brave. As long as the decision is well informed, deciding to fight or not to fight are two incredibly brave decisions.
I also recommend finding a local caregivers support group. This will be an unbelievably stressful time for you and your family. Having a support system will help tremendously. This group will surely stand in where we can. You’ll find support from both patients and caregivers here, but having someone or a group to talk to in person will also help.
Hang in there.