Doughnut

I am new here myself but just wanted to welcome you. I am sorry about your diagnosis and the additional stress you are under. I like Wendy's advice. Let us know how you get on. Dee

Wishing you the best for the appointment. Once they know what they're dealing with I'm sure pain relief will be on its way. Dee

LOL - this is so me Dee

Thanks for your thoughts on where Claire's friends disappeared to. Kasey - her friends are old enough to know better. They range from about my age (35) to one woman who I think is 42/43. Most of them are late 30s. I fear that Peggy and others are right and that these friends are gone but I am more than prepared to make a phone call or two. As far as I can see the worst thing that could happen is that nothing will change for Claire. There may be a little side issue of an argument between me and them but first off that's irrelevant and secondly it's an argument that they really don't want to have My only question before I do this is addressed to patients (or to others way more experienced than me). If you found out that a friend had gone behind your back and phoned other friends would you be mad? Let me make this clear - she can be cross at me all she wants but I don't want her to feel in any way betrayed by me. I don't want her to think she can't trust me - she has few enough people she can rely on as it is. I hope this makes sense. Thanks, Dee.

I have no idea on the legal side but wanted to say how fantastic it is that you're getting "back to normal". I hope you know what I mean by that and sorry if I've said it wrong. Dee

Adding my name to the list. Dee

I have nothing new to add but just to say that people you don't even know are thinking of you daily. Dee

Sorry this is late - tons of positive thoughts and goods wishes winging your way. Dee

This is a really difficult one and I'm only pitching in because something very similar happened with my Gran. What my Dad eventually did (with other siblings) was approach his father and let his father tackle it.I still believe that my granddad knew something was up but couldn't handle the thought of his wife being sick and followed her lead (deny deny deny). When confronted by his children my grand father tackled my gran and it led to diagnosis and treatment. BIG CAVEAT - I have no idea about your family dynamics and whether this is feasible. This is so hard. I wish the best for you. Dee

Happy anniversary I've followed your posts for some time as they're so, well, inspirational really. Raising a glass to many, many more such celebrations. Dee

What a lovely looking family you have there - it's a very special picture. Dee

I've just spent a lovely weekend Claire who I was glad to find in better form than her recent phone calls suggested I might. Claire lives a 4 hour drive from me so I can't just pop round for a cup of tea whenever I like. I have however returned angry and upset and wondered if anyone can shed any light on the following. By way of the briefest possible background I need to tell you a few things about Claire. Claire has remained resolutely single. She has a brother, a sister and fairly elderly parents. Her nearest family member lives 2 hours away. Claire is one of life's truly beautiful people and I mean that in every sense of the word. No night out is complete if she's not there .... you know the type. Claire's friends are her family. She has lived in the same city for about 14 years now (I left there 12 years ago) and she has a core group of 7 friends - male and female - who she does everything with. Claire has an extremely stressful job and pre cancer could be found out every night of the week in a restaurant or a winebar with these friends. Whenever I visited Claire in the past I always felt like I was in a wind tunnel. The phone never stopped ringing, the doorbell was always going and she always had a houseful. I suppose with hindsight I have noticed that she hasn't spoken about her friends lately but if I'd thought about that I would have assumed it's because she's not going out as much as before. I arrived at her house on Friday night. On Saturday afternoon my sister rang to see how we were and it was then that it dawned on me that that was the first phone call she'd had. I asked after the others (I mean they have been inseparable for years) and she gave me very non-committal answers so I left it. On Saturday night Claire said she was feeling up to going out and we settled on her local pub. I asked if we'd be meeting any of the others and she said that they'd be away for the Bank Holiday. I suppose I pushed her a tiny bit so she rang one of them (on her mobile)who said that the others were away for the weekend and that she'd just picked up her boyfriend from the train station and they were having a quiet night in. When we go to the pub - quite late really - Claire went straight to the ladies whilst I went to queue at the bar. As I was standing there 6 of the 7 of Claire's core group walked passed me on their way out of the pub. This included the girl Claire had spoken to and her boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. I put my head down and I don't think they saw me. I haven't told Claire and I had the hardest time pretending all was fine for the rest of the night. I am so upset for her and now I'm worried about the support she's clearly not getting from those of her friends who are physically closest. She can't have fallen out with all of them. I really feel she's just been "dumped" by them. Has this happened to anybody else and if so how did you handle it? Is there anything I could do? Should I do anything? I have the phone numbers of a couple of them from when we organised a surprise party for Claire. Should I phone and ask what the hell's going on? Should I phone her family or should I leave well alone. Was I right not to say anything to her? I'm sorry that this is so long but any advice would be mightily appreciated. Dee.

I am so sorry to hear this news and I am so sorry for all those of you who "knew" her. I lurked a long time here and Betty's strength and kindness touched me many times. Dee

Doug, As the friend of a patient, you have no idea how much this post meant to me after the weekend I've just had. Your timing was perfect. Thank you. Dee.

Hello Jeanbell. I just wanted to welcome you and wish you the best of luck for the chemo. Dee

Hello to the board's funny lady. Like Katie I can't add anything but I'll be thinking of you. I hope all goes well. Dee.

Your post was heartbreaking but I totally endorse everything Karen said. How does her doctor know anything. He doesn't. It's an educated guess and if I had £1 for each of those I'd got wrong ... I hope I don't come across as flippant it's just that this makes me so mad. My friend's first doctor said all being well she should live 6 months. She was 38 with limited stage SCLC. She got rid of him pronto. Keep positive, life is never predictable. Dee

I can't believe it. I've just posted the world's longest reply and lost it. Serves me right for being so wordy. Hello Dartagnan, glad I've got a name for you and, well, what a name! Always was my favourite Musketeer! (I'm English there is a "u" in favourite I'm so sorry that you have to be here at any time, especially at your age. Cancer's such a shocking diagnosis and when you're so young it must be more so. The truth is that it's not fair and I don't know why you, why my friend or why anybody else here. Your posts suggest that you're struggling particularly with the fact that it's lung cancer because you never smoked. It's only the undeserved stigma of lung cancer that makes nearly everybody react that way. The harsh truth is that lung cancer can, like every other cancer, affect anyone at any age no matter the lifestyle. It's a lottery that no one wants to win. So Rome??? Really, really hot, dusty, noisy and those drivers??? Still, it's a great place isn't it. Rome is not cancelled my friend, just delayed. Loads of people are living with stage iv lung cancer. My own gran lived with it for nearly 8 years before dying of motor neurone disease. She was 50 years older than you, 7 stone (pre cancer)and this was in the late 70s early 80s - things have come on since then. Right, I've spouted long enough and a holiday weekend beckons. If I hit the wrong button again I'll give up. I really am sorry that you need to be here but something tells me you're going to be a laugh to have around. Dee

Thoughts and prayers for both you and Brian and stealing some of Addie's "'tude" to lend you over the weekend. Hope you had a nice lunch, suspect Haggis wasn't on your menu Ms McCumber! Dee

I know nothing about CTs/PETs/MRIs (actually if anyone could tell me which does what that would be great) but I do know that Claire didn't start chemo for a couple of weeks after initial diagnosis so they could do all the extra tests.

Hello Lisa. I'm sorry about your Mum - this is so very hard to deal with isn't it? Congrats on organising the run. It's a little out of my way, so I won't be there, but I'm sure you'll have a great turnout. Hope you'r Mum's ongoing treatment is as easy on her as possible and hope to see more of you here. Dee.

Hello Mr Lord - What shall we call you? I recommend you think of something otherwise (as you can see from my first post below) they'll pick something for you which you may or may not like I am new here too and the people have been great. Loads of helpful pms and stuff. If you're after support and a few laughs then I think you're going to find them here. Are you able to share any more about yourself? Dee

The Pope was visiting England - the first time for a pontiff since the 1980s. At Heathrow airport he was greeted by the usual bullet proof stretch limo and chauffeur etc. The chauffeur was an experienced older man who was thrilled with the gravity of the assignment. However, he was a little shocked when the Pope asked if he could drive. The chauffeur established that the Pope didn't have a licence or insurance and hadn't driven a car since the war. Understandably the chauffeur advised the Pope against it. The Pope however was not to be denied and begged and begged until the kindly old chauffeur relented. So off they set with the Pope driving and the chauffeur in the back seat rather enjoying the occasion. The Pope is terribly excited to get behind the wheel of a car after all this time and puts his foot down. The limo screeches onto the road outside the airport and the Pope has soon reached 70 in a 40 mph zone. Hidden behind a handy tree is a police car driven by a bored police sergeant and his young police constable. At first the sergeant debates as to whether he's seen the car at all as it's only 5 minutes till the end of his shift. Public duty gets the better of him and after a blue lights chase he pulls the limo over. The serg decides to send his PC over and settles down for a quick kip. After a few minutes the young PC comes back, looking rather pale. The sergeant asks him if everything's OK and whether there was a VIP in the big posh limo. "Well let's put it this way", says the PC "I can't be absolutelysure 'cause I've never seen a picture but his driver's the Pope.

Kasey - I know I'm late on this one. You're already special to me 'cause you were the first person to post a reply to me. Before that I can tell you that your story (in the My Story forum) had me blubbing over my keyboard and in a good way! This post didn't have me blubbing but I had a smile pinned to my face for a long time after reading it! Dee

I am so very sorry. May I echo others in hoping that you find peace soon,