cindy0519

Wow Lori...your post does my heavy heart such good! Sitting here with tears flooding my eyes reading your post. Several people (both in the hospital and hospice)in the last weeks of Dads illness would comment that they could "feel" the love in the room when they walked into his room - for some reason I could never truly comprehend what they were talking about because it seemed so cliche with all the other emotions that we were dealing with at the time. But sitting here reading your post it hit me... now I get it and it isn't cliche. I can truly "feel" the love when I read your post and it make my heart so happy! Thank you!! As far as giving Mom ice cream (or anything else for that matter that makes her happy) - I say "YES & Good for you/Mom" and pray that you can continue to find something that makes her happy everyday! Dad loved ice cream (a love I unfortunately gained that shows on my thighs and butt...lol) and continued to have a tablespoon or so each night after his evening dip in the pool right up until the last couple nights. I say give her what makes her happy, after all what else is life supposed to be about ? I know how HARD all this must be but I also know that you will NEVER for one moment reget any of this time. Each moment holds so many great treasures, even though they may be unrealized when they occur - one day you will know how precious they all are both the good and the not so good (not even gonna say bad because what seems bad now will change with time). I'm so proud of you Lori and your entire family! You are doing amazing things for you mom. Your family is truly living one of my favorite quotes: "In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love." ~Mother Teresa Your great love shows Lori in all you do! Cindy

Aliboo, I understand how completely overwhelming this diseases can be! The best advice I can offer you is to step back for a moment..take a deep breath and then reapproach things taking each day, each minute...one tiny step at a time. I found this to be the best approach to not being completely devistated by all that was happening or worse yet - by all that I thought might happen if I allowed myself to think about what was ahead of our on Dad's "journey". As far as the pain that your boyfriend is in.. if the pain med's he is currently taking are not effectively controlling his pain, insist that other medications be tried. My Dad had incredible amounts of pain to and there is NOTHING worse than watching your loved one suffer! On the other hand, there is PLENTY that CAN be done to control pain, you, boyfriend/doctors may just have to "experiment" to find the right answer. Another piece of advice, if I can be so bold..is to arm yourself with knowledge. The more you know/understand about what is happening the less overwhelming it may be. I know for me...knowledge is power! I wanted to know exactly what was going on and always made sure to ask questions and insist on answers (even if the doctors had to get back to us with them). Hope they get BF's pain under control soon! Cindy

Kat, Having just lost my Dad on June 21, 2006 - I can understand your pain! I am so very sorry that you now know this pain too. The feelings of emptiness that nothing can fulfill and not knowing what to do are feeling that I can VERY much identify with. I understand how very overwhelming they can be! Oh.. how I wish I had "magical answers" that I can pass on to you..to others..and for myself - the only way I know of to "go on" is to take each day, each moment, each feeling, for what it is and allow myself the time and space to grieve this great loss. I know this to be true - my Dad wanted our lives to continue with happy memories, rather than with long lasting grief and tears. He insisted that life should continue as normally as possible, so in his honor - I do my best to "go on"...day by day, moment by moment. My life will never be the same without Dad but I know that time, the love of my family and my faith/trust in God will help me to find my way to truly "living" again. I pray that you, your family and friends can help you mom to know that your Dad lives on in her heart and that he IS "with her" and (you as well) as she continues her "journey" with lung cancer! I truley believe that his spirit will be there to give you all love, strength and the will to continue the fight. I can only imagine just how hard this all is for you and your entire family. I know that words can seem very empty at times like this, but my thoughts and prayers are with you all. Peace be with you, Cindy

Praying that your hospice experience will be as filled with love and hope as your families hospice "journey" was. We made some really good memories with my Dad during his time in the hospice home - we will treasure them always. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. May peace be with you! Cindy

Linda, So many thoughts....too few words. May God hold you close and give you comfort. My sincerest sympathy! Peace be with you, Cindy

No words of truly great wisdom or experience to share.. but if it doesn't seem right I would push the doctor to look deeper for answers. Praying that it is just a cold and soon all the symptoms will be gone! God Bless, Cindy

My deepest sympathies on your great loss. As many others have said far more eloquently than I -- you are not alone. Your pain, anger and frustration are shared by many here. To have loved so greatly and lost so very much is something which pierces a huge hole in your very soul! Be kind to yourself, lean on others for strength and support and allow yourself to grieve this great loss. May God hold you close and give you comfort in the days/weeks to come and may help you to find peace! Cindy

The "ups and downs" of this disease are gut wretching for sure. Lots of great advise already given -- especially one day at a time (or hour or minute depending on the event), I found this to be a very essential to day to day survival! Another great piece of advice that a friend who lost both his parents within a year gave me...spend AS MUCH time with your Dad as you possibly can! Every moment will become a treasure (even the "down moments" though they may not seem such a treasure now). Truly allow yourself time and space to feel and cope with the "ups and downs". I found that I really needed to be in Az with my Dad during the "down" times, while I was ok being at home in Oh when things were on the "up" swing. With this disease things can turn on a dime at any given moment and I just plain handled the down swings better when I was there and could deal with them in person. Praying that your Dad gets a break from the pain and is able to regain some strenght! Hang in there..I know how hard this!! Cindy

Thought I had found this here but after searching of this board cannot find it, so I thought I would share it in hopes that it might bring others the comfort that it does me. It makes me cry but also comforts my heart because it seems to have been written about our "journey" with lung cancer, Dad's death, and his new found freedom from pain and suffering... GOD'S GARDEN God looked around His garden; He found an empty place He then looked down upon this earth and saw your tired face. He put His arms around you and lifted you to rest God's garden must be beautiful, He always takes the best. He knew that you were suffering; He knew you were in pain He knew that you would never get well on earth again. He saw that road was getting rough and the hills are hard to climb So He closed your weary eyelids and whispered peace be thine. It broke our hearts to lose you but you didn't go alone For part of us went with you the day God called you home.

Linda, Sending you thoughts of strength and praying that you and mom can both somehow find some much needed peace. I would also suggest talking to hopsice about med's for the aggitation. Dad had a bad day or so with this and they suggested that he might need something to help but it ws never necessary. Maybe they would help. Dad really wanted to come home to (though I think in his heart he knew he never would) - not sure this would work with your mom due to the confussion -- but something that really helped Dad was talking about coming home, the nurse sat with us (he/I) one day and we talked about him coming home, what would be required, what potential obsticles there would be, how he would feel/react to them, adn how we (SM & I) would be able to care for him. After all of this the hospice nurse simple explained that nobody would "keep" him there-- the alone could choose and suggested that we sit down and talk/plan his coming home again when SM was there and we all had a bit more time to think about it and get things organized. This "talk" seemed to really calm Dad and set his mind at ease, he never again mentioned coming home and spent his last two days at the hospice house quite contently before he passed. Oh Linda, I can only image how very, very difficult this must be!! As someone else pointed out - taking time for you does not make you a bad daughter! Please make sure to take the necessary time to remain sane and healthy...and vent away anytime!! Thinking of you and wishing you peace! Cindy

Prayers and lots of good thoughts headed your way!

Oh how bittersweet memories such as this are! What a great story..gave me goosebumps. Dad passed away 3 days before his and SM 22nd anniversary and that was a VERY hard day for us (especially for SM)too so I can really identify with your post. Thanks for sharing their love story..its truly inspirational! Cindy

(((Carleen))) Seeing the title of your post brought cold chills and tears -- no great words of wisdom here... having just lost my Dad,I can only imagine the magnitude your pain. I am so very, very sorry!! Please know that we are all here to offer all the support we can. I pray that God will comfort you and hold you in the palm of his hand! I'm so glad that you and Keith were surrounded by those who love you and can give you strength/support. Lean on them now!! My deepest condolences to you and your entire family. Cindy

Oh boy do I remember when our family's journey began... to say that we were scared would be putting it mildly. This indeed is a very scary disease but there are thing you can do. You/Dad really MUST be an advocate for his health care. Learn all that you can and NEVER stop asking questions, and NEVER walk away without answers. This board will be a great help. For now try to take a deep breath, try not to forget to enjoy being with each other and treasure each and every moment. Cindy

Jendew, Your fathers sentement and faith in God's will was echoed by my Dad throughout his illness and I believe really did help him to continue to "do battle" with this disease. Fishing sounds wonderful! Many of my best memories of my Dad are of times our family spent fishing and camping. Treasure each moment and live/love as though there is no tommorow! Thanks for sharing - your post brought a much needed smile today. God Bless, Cindy

Oh Carlene, my heart is aching for you and Keith! I can recall all to clearly a couple weeks ago when we heard the almosts the same exact words you described followed by the.. " two weeks or...less".. though in my heart I thought I was "prepared" to hear it .. the words spoken out loud literally took my breath away. I know we had talked about the fact that my Dad and your dear Keith seemed to be on much of the same path.....but I am sooo incredibly saddened to hear it is seemingly increasingly true. I have prayed that God would give you and Keith more time to love and to live. I can only imagine how extremely hard this is for you, I know how hard it was for me, I can only imagine that it is even harder when it is the love of your life these words are being spoken about. I pray that hospice will be as helpful for Keith and yourself as it was for my Dad and our family. They were truly angels!! A man at the hopsice facility saw the pain my Dad was in and asked why he didn't have a pain pump. He said he to had fought getting one - but the difference was nothing short of a miracle once he had one. I hope the addition of the pain pump works a miracle for Keith too! If the hospice there is like here, they will be great at helping you to "navigate and anticipate" what lies ahead. God is with you and Keith -- trust in his will (I know far easier said than done). Please pm me if you need/want to talk - I'd be glad to share my phone number! Without the support of others I would have gone plain crazy and if there is even a tiny thing that I can do to relieve your stress and pain... I'd love to! I hope that you have plenty of family and friends surrounding you with love and support right now (please lean on them and allow them to be your strength). Words cannot express how much this hurts..I am SO sorry you have to go through this! I am praying for peace and comfort for you both! Peace and God's comfort be with you both! Cindy

So wonderful,thanks for sharing! Love the new house..may your family make many, many happy memories in it!! God Bless you all, Cindy

Bentley, Jesse Norman Jesse Norman Bentley departed this life surrounded by his loving family on June 21, 2006 after a courageous battle with lung cancer. He was born in Painsville, Ohio, on January 4, 1940 and was a longtime resident of Arizona. He served honorably in the U.S. Air Force as a young man and then spent the majority of his lifetime working as a heavy duty mechanic. For many years he was actively involved in both the White Mountain #3 Masonic Lodge and White Mountain #8 Order of Eastern Star where he held many distinguished offices, the latest being the Knights of the York Cross of Honour. His passions were hunting, fishing and woodworking but his greatest love of all was his family, for whom he had so much pride and devotion. He is survived by his wife Elaine; daughters Cindy (Jeff) of Hilliard Ohio, Patricia (Richard) of Woodstock Georgia, Joy of Glen Burnie Maryland, Jessica of Glendale; son Jay (Brandi) of Flagstaff; brothers, Jerry Lee Bentley of Globe and Darrel Gene Bentley of Mesa, twelve grandchildren and three great grandchildren. A Memorial Celebration of Jesses life will be held at 1:00 P.M. on Sunday June 25, 2006 at Chapel of the Chimes Mortuary 7924 N. 59th Ave. Glendale, Arizona. Memorial contributions may be given in his honor to Hospice of the Valley 1510 E. Flower Street Phoenix, AZ 85014-5656. Please visit www.mem.com Published in The Arizona Republic on 6/24/2006. http://www.legacy.com/azcentral/Obituaries.asp?Page=SEARCHRESULTS

After a very courageous battle...Dad passed from this earth on June 21,2006 at 7:55 a.m with SM, myself, my two sisters and my brother surrounding him. He spent a total of 9 days in the hospice house and we made some really wonderful memories there. The last day Dad was completely unable to speak (and I pray feel anything) -- the last couple hours of his life were peaceful and filled with love! This was one of the hardest things I have ever done but I would not have missed a moment of it. We had a small (his wishes) memorial service for him yesterday and all of my siblings will return home by tommorow afternoon. SM/myself are going to pick his remains up from the mortuary on Thurs and I am returning to OH on Sunday. We will be planning a family gathering for later in the fall (after the threat of fire in Az diminishes) to fulfill the remainder of his wishes. We are also planning to do a eternal reef http://www.eternalreefs.com/ in his memory sometime next year - when we can really "celebrate" his life, rather than morn. He was a great man, and a wonderful father, grandfather and great grandfather. We will forever miss him but know that he will be with us in our hearts forever!!! I am incredibly sad for myself, my family and his many, many friends. But I cannot bring myself to be sad for him... at long last he is free! He is finally no longer be limited or bound by pain! I have the deepest faith that he is surrounded by those we love that have gone before him and that he is now in the loving hands of God. We played the Brad Pasley/Dolly Parton song "When I get Where I'm Going" at his memorial service.. Dad would listen to it and (often shed a tear or two) but would always say that it described he felt it was written just for him.... "Yeah when I get where I'm going There'll be only happy tears I will shed the sins and struggles I have carried all these years And I'll leave my heart wide open I will love and have no fear Yeah when I get where I'm going Don't cry for me down here" He would not want us to cry sad tears - so we are holding tight to the many, many wonderful memories and trying our best to recall his raised eyebrow, half smirk smile that we all knew so well and loved so deeply!! We will love you FOREVER Daddy -- you will ALWAYS be a part of us! Many, many THANKS to all of you "angels who helped lift me up during our journey" -- without this board our journey would have been much harder! God Bless you all!! Cindy

Linda, Taking a break is definately in order and very hard to make yourself do...but as the commerical goes..."Just Do It". When you return maybe ask about med's for aggitation. They just told us they could give Dad some as today he is highly aggitated. They havent brought it yet..but just knowing it is there if he needs it is comforting. Wishing you peace! Cindy

Thoughts and prayers for your family! Hope things are better SOON! Cindy

Afraid we are nearing the end of Dad's journey. All the "signs" of an "active dying process" are beginning to appear. He has fought so valiantly and it is really time for him to find some peace! Please pray for strength for our family and a peaceful and easy passage for our Daddy! God Bless and keep us all! Cindy

Praying for good results! And if it is time for hospice I pray that her experience with the "H" word is as wonderful as my Dad's has been. Lots of prayers coming your way! Cindy

Linda, Sorry to hear about the recent turns with your mom. And praying that hospice will be as "comforting and peaceful" for your mom as it has been for my dad. If they have a "hospice home" available in your area vs. a hospice location at a hospital, I would highly suggest giving it a try. The hospice house that Dad is at as been a WONDERFUL experience! Please PM me if you need to talk or have questions that I might be able to help with regarding our hospice experience. Praying for mom, yourself and wishing you comfort and peace!!! Cindy

Oh Collen...I know how hard it is to hear that nothing else can be done. And while it feels for a few days that all your hope has been taken away... I pray that you and Keith are very soon able to find some of the peace and a new sort of "hope" that our family has found in the past couple weeks. Always remember, and hold tight to the fact that NOBODY can take hope away Collen. As long as you and Keith hold tight to it.. no matter how faint it might be to everyone else it is still there. I too think it is normal (and healthy) to be angry. I used to work with a rape crisis center and one of the activities we used to do with survivors that was an excellent "release" was to have the write down all their angry thougths (dont read... just write!) then tear then up and either toss the pieces in the air or attach them via an envelope to a ballon. As the pieces fall (do this somewhere that you don't have to pick them up) or the ballon rise ...let the angry go and really feel the release. It is an awesome experince!! I too will be praying for both of you..for freedom from pain and fear, a new found hope, continued strength and most of all PEACE! Cindy