cindy0519

Such sad news.... I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with your family. God Bless and keep you, Cindy

So very, very hard.... I completely understand! Try to allow yourselve to just cry, grieve and remember all the special moments with your mom. Be kind to yourself.. its ok to feel sad and overwhelmed by it all! Cindy

Prayers for a speedy recovery!

My deepest sympathies to you and your family. May you find peace and comfort in the days ahead. Cindy

(((Carleen))) Crying with you...I DO understand! It's okay to grieve, to be angry, to feel cheated and to want it all back!! I hope there is someone nearby to just sit with you and hold your hand while you cry and give you gentle hugs! Wishing you peace, Cindy

... how I recall this very same thought and all the fear and despiration that it invoked!Dad had continuous major battles with low postassium levels though they never mentioned a cause - as someone else pointed out dehydration is a major contributor. He HATED to have the postassium infussed through the IV because no matter how slow they infussed it.. it always burned like fire - one of the few moments in my life that I ever saw my Dad cry was when they infused the postassium to fast. Someone finally said they could give it in tablet form.. though the pill was HUGE, at least there was no burning. He spent about a week and a half on the cardiac care until due to low postassium and magnesium levels. I hope that you will find as we did...that the spiraling will stop and there will be calm days ahead! This can be so scary... I hope that the doctors are giving you answers -- for me it really helped to better understand what we were facing and what the "next steps" were. Hope things turn around soon! Cindy

Much like Holly, I elected to effectively "uproot" myself and stayed in Arizona with my Dad. And I too do not regret one single moment of it! Cherish this time -- the memories will be bittersweet in some ways, but they will be priceless! Treebywater's advice of not being a perfectionist is a hard one to do...but one I found to be essential. I did not clean my house for almot three months -- GASP!, because I was not home more than a day or two here and there. But you know what ..nobody but me cared and it was still there when I got home. I know how hard this can be emotionally, physically, and financially. Some days it will seem very overwhelming but just when you think you can not go on..somehow YOU WILL! Try to allow yourself the a few mintues each day to just absorb and emotionally deal with things as they come. I remember when we got to this stage, I too felt VERY overwhelmed (mostly by the sheer emotion of it all). It is so hard to love so deeply and hurt so much, knowing all that you stand to loose! I will be thinking of you and your Dad as the days pass. I know that hospice will help you find comfort and peace in the precious days that are ahead of you. God Bless you and Dad! Cindy

Too cool! Thanks Ann... I just sent it to my entire family. My nephew just got home from Iraq about two months ago and will have to go back in Nov or Dec (right before his first child is due ) so this is a subject close to our hearts for sure. Thanks! Cindy

Came across this and thought maybe it would be a good thing to share.. hope nobody minds all my endless ramblings... See Me Through My Tears You asked, “How are you doing?” As I told you, tears came to my eyes. . .and you looked away and quickly began to talk again. All the attention you had given drained away. “How am I doing?” . . . I do better when people listen, though I may shed a tear or two. These feelings are indescribable. If you’ve never felt them you cannot fully understand. Yet I need you. When you look away, when I’m ignored, I am again alone with them. Your attention means more than you can know. Really, tears are not a bad sign, you know! They’re nature’s way of helping me to heal. . .They relieve some of the stress of sadness. I know you fear that asking how I’m doing brings me sadness. . . but it doesn’t work that way. The memory of my loved one’s absence is with me, only a thought away. My tears make my loss more visible to you, but you did not cause this sadness, it was already there. When I cry, could it be that you feel helpless, not knowing what to do? You are not helpless, and you don’t need to do a thing but be here for me. When I feel your permission to allow my tears to flow, you’ve helped me. You need not speak. Your silence as I cry is all I need. Be patient. . .do not fear. Listening with your heart to “how I am doing” validates what I am going through, for when the tears can freely come I feel lighter. Talking to you releases what I’ve been wanting to say aloud, clearing space for a touch of joy in my life. I’ll cry for a minute or two, then I’ll wipe my eyes, and sometimes you’ll even find I’m laughing in a while. When I hold back my tears, my throat grows tight, my chest aches, my stomach knots. . . because I’m trying to protect you from my tears. Then we both hurt. Me, because my feelings are held inside, causing pain and a shield against our closeness. You, because suddenly we’re emotionally distant. So please, take my hand and see me through my tears. . .

Isn't this the truth!! It sneeks up from out of no where when you least expect it ...and WHAM!! I understand ... I know for me it is especially hard to watch my children grieve, I'm sure it is no different for you. Many hugs to you and Dominick -- hope you find time today to be kind to yourself in some small way too. Wishing Dominicik a wonderful 9th birthday. I know grandpa is singing "Happy Birthday" from heaven. Cindy

Any opioid drug (which Percocet is) can be addictive. However, when these medications are used to treat physical pain, it is extremely unlikely that patients will become addicted to them. Addiction is a psychological problem that very rarely affects people who take opioids for pain control. "Feeling high" from opiates does not happen to people who take them for pain control.

Here are a few for you from a list that I got from the National Hospice and Pallative Care Organizations website when we were looking at hospice services for Dad: 1. How does the hospice staff, working with the patient and loved ones, honor the patients wishes? 2. Are family caregivers given information and training they need to care for their loved one at home? 3.Is respite care (relief for caregiver)including inpatient, available? 4. Are loved ones told what to expect in the dying process and what happens after their loved one's death? 5. What is the role of the patient's physican once hospice begins? 6. How (and how often) will the hospice physician oversee our loved one's care and work with the their doctor? 7. How many patients at any one time are assigned to each hospice staff member who will be caring for our loved one? 8.What services do volunteers provide/offer? 9. What screening and type of training do hospice volunteers receive before they are placed with patients and families? 10. Does the hospice staff regularly discuss and routinely evaluate pain control and symptom management with patients and families? 11. Does the hospice staff respond immediately to request for additional pain medications? 12. What specialty or expanded programs does hospice offer? 13. How does hospice meet the emotional and spiritual needs of the family? 14. How quickly does hospice respond to after hour emergencies? 15. How are calls and visits handled when death occurs? 16. Are other services, such as a chaplin or social worker available after hours? 17. Does hospice work with hospitals or other facilities during the patients care? 18. What happens if care cannot be managed at home? 19. What measures does the hospice use to ensure quality? 20. Does the hospice program follow the National Hospice and Pallative Care Organizations "Standard's of Practice for Hospice Programs"? 21. Do hospice professional have special credentials in their area? 22. Is the hospice program certified, licensed and reviewed by the state (if state licensure applies) or Federal government? 23. What other kind of certification or accreditation does the hospice program and/or its staff have? 24. Are all the cost of hospice care covered by the patients health care insurance? 25. What services will the patient have to pay for out-of-pocket? Are any services provided at no charge? Some other things I can think of based on our hospice experience: 1. How are medications provided (e.g. liquid form vs pill or needles)? 2. If inpatient care is necessary are visiting hours limited? 3. If inpatient care is necessary can the family stay with the patient? 4. For my Dad who was a smoker - it was important that any inpatient facility have a place where he could smoke if he wanted to. The facility he was in would push physically immobile patients (bed and all) out through the french doors of their room and allow them to smoke. 5.Will the staff remain consistent or will it change with each visit? 6. If we do not feel comfortable with a member of the hospice staff or a volunteer can we ask for a different person? If I think of any others I will post them. God Bless your family as you begin this new path in your journey! I hope you find a hospice that brings your family peace and comfort!! Cindy

Prayers for everyone. It is my thought too... that the more that go up the better!!! Cindy

Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. -- Job 1: 20-21 (KJV) The Book of Job presents several challenges and mysteries, among them who the "sons of God" are, what Satan's role is in the heavenly court, and why God takes up the dare from the Devil when he should already know the outcome. Whether to see for himself or only to prove to his "sons" Job's faith, God follows the Devils dare and destroys Job's livestock, servants, house, and family. But rather than curse God to his face as the Devil predicts he would, Job stoically notes that he was born with nothing ("naked") and is content to die with nothing; the Lord, after all, gave him all he has, and it was the Lord's right to take it away.

Lori, Glad to hear that mom is doing so well and things are looking good! Try (I MUCH easier said than done)not to get ahead of yourself or the doctors on the test for your son. One step a time with him the same as with mom! I understand that it can be freightening and totally overwhelming to think that your son might be ill (especially in light of your Dad's history and your Mom's illness now)... but maybe stepping back, taking a few very deep breaths and regrouping will give you a new ability to deal with things. I have had kidney issues for a number of years and I can tell you that if I don't drink enough and get even slightly dehyrdated.. I see the protein and blood in my urine right away. Maybe it is something as simple as he had a few days without quite enough fluid and is dehydrated - which would make him quite thirsty! You have been such a strong and supportive adovate for your mom. I know YOU CAN and will do the same for your son no matter how scared and overwhelmed you might be right now. Praying for your family always and now for test results that show a easily resolved problem with your son. Cindy

My sincere condolence to your family. Your brother was very blessed to have loved and been loved so very deeply. May God help your family to find peace and comfort! Cindy

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed. Each morning by eight o'clock, with her hair fashionably coifed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window. "I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. "Mrs.. Jones, you haven't seen the room .... just wait." "That doesn't have anything to do with it," she replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it "It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away ... just for this time in my life. Old age is like a bank account ... you withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories. Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing. Remember the five simple rules to be happy: 1. Free your heart from hatred. 2. Free your mind from worries. 3. Live simply. 4. Give more. 5. Expect less.

Lori, I have tried to post several time since reading your inital post.. I just can not seem to find words, expect... I too believe in miracles...I DO!!! Praying that your family's hospice journey is a wonderful and peaceful as ours was. Cindy

Katie, My Dad had very large (2-3 inch) metastases on both adrenal glands. We were very upset when we heard this news but the doctor assured us that the mets on the adrenals are usually not symptomatic when associated with lung cancer. Thankful in Dad's case these metastases were not a cause of major symptoms. That said, here is a list of the common symptoms that "may" occcur: High blood pressure Low potassium level Heart palpitations Nervousness Anxiety (panic attacks) Headache Excessive perspiration Diabetes Abdominal pain Weight loss without dieting Weakness Abdominal stretch marks Excessive hair growth Unusual acne Change in libido (sex drive) If you think about where the adrenals are located and how close they (and the liver) are to the lungs, I suppose it makes sense that these organs would be a common site for a lung cancer patient to have metastases. I would guess that one of the reasons that you cannot find (or hear) much aobut survival rates with this type of metastases is (which I am sure that you already know) that the "overall" survival rate for lung cancer is more than a tad scary and any sign metastases is indication that the cancer has spread beyond the original tumor location. Don't mean to scare you, but rather to hopefully add some reassurance, again Dad had very large metastases on his adrenals and they were by no means ever his "major" symptomatic issue. I also think there are a few people on this board with adrenal metastases, hopefully one of the will have something else to add! God Bless your family. This is such a hard, hard journey. Treasure the time you have together!! Cindy

Amen!!!! The "small stuff" is what life is really all about Lori, makes me teary thinking about it. I too was VERY blessed to have been involved in my Dad's life during at time when all the "small stuff" meant SO incredibly much! Told the hospice staff everday when they asked how he was "cranky...but we LOVE that he is here to be cranky". I meant EVERY WORD and still do!!! Praying that you have many, many more of these moments! God Bless your family! Cindy

It is SOOOO heartbreaking! I recall all too well not that long ago how it shattered my heart into a million piece to have to help Dad do simple everyday task. I will never forget the look of defeat on his face the day he had to admit that he could not get himself up and down or walk without assistance any longer! Just heart breaking... I'm soooo sorry that your family is faced with the realization that he will never be strong again. I pray that your family will find peace with this, that your Dad's pain will be well managed and that your family will have time to make more wonderful memories! God Bless and keep you all, Cindy

"Don't Worry - Be Happy" - Bobbie McFerrin Having a bit of a cry jag today myself and this song just came on my ipod. Kind hard to cry while listening to it Hope you day gets better!! Cindy

I know it sucks that she has to be in the hospital on her birthday..and it does SUCK! The good thing is that it sounds like they are being very cautious and aggressive in trying to find out what is going on.. and that is a GOOD THING! Can only imagine how scared you are... deep breaths until you know more are definately in order. Thinking of your family - praying for good (or at least manageable) news -- and sending LOTS of wishes for a HAPPY, HAPPY Birthday!!! Cindy

Wish I knew what to say to bring you comfort... the small simple things that I too took for granted are the very same memories that I am struggling with today myself. Just told my husband on the phone when he asked me what he could do -- what I really need for him to do is just give me a big hug and "permission" to just feel sad ...nothing more. So (((((Bronwen))))))! I hope you are kind and patient with yourself today - give yourself permission to miss him and feel sad if you need to. Happy Birthday! Cindy