StephanieJane

This has been so hard for me...I feel so overwhelmed by everything. When my dad died, my daughter and I moved into his house. He and I had talked about it after he was diagnosed, and he wanted us to have it...it's a nice house and it is entirely paid for and it is a huge blessing to have a home in which to raise my daughter...I am very thankful to be here. It is tough, though. Taking his house means moving all of his things...packing up his clothing, his furniture, everything...and it is more than I have been able to handle. We have been here for more than two months and I have cleared out two dresser drawers for myself and one for Sarah. I can not bring myself to clear out the rest of them. His clothing still hangs in the closet...mine remains in storage. clearing out his room means that he is never coming back. I am not ready to accept that. Somehow it is easier for me to live like a transient than it is to make myself at home in a house that is his. I tried to mow the lawn yesterday and I could not figure out how to start the mower. It was one more reminder of how much I need my dad. I am still not sure how I am going to make it without him. I am just so sad tonight...I miss him so much.

Oh, Grace...that makes me so sad. I pray that you will find it and recover those precious pictures. -stephanie

I try to live for today, but it's really hard for me. I am a single mom, so I have to think of what Sarah's future will be like and do what I can for her...but I try to at least ENJOY today. So probably "c."

that is so cool! Congratulations to you both.

Missy, I would echo the sentiments that you will someday be very thankful for that talk with your mom. In my darkest moments, I beat myself up for not having more of those talks with my dad...I think that he and I both expected that we would have those opportunities as the end drew nearer. Little did we know that his journey would end so abruptly and without any real warning. I pray that you will experience overwhelming peace in the days and months to come. My heart goes out to you and your family. -stephanie

Well, I went on the ACS website today and started a team for our local Relay for Life, which will be held on June 8 & 9. I guess they will send me some info, but being impatient and excited about doing this, I figured I would ask for input from some of you. Any Relay veterans here? What can I expect? Any good fundraising ideas? Also, where can I get some literature on LCSC or LUNGevity for our tent? thanks!

Oh, Grace...my heart goes out to you. Today is my 8 weeks. The longest and shortest and most terrible 8 weeks of my life. I can identify with your post so much. I still cry almost every day...I miss my dad intensely and at the most random and unexpected times I feel just overcome by grief and sadness and anger. I am mad at God. He knows it. I am not sure why He would allow this to happen...I feel very cheated. I wish I had some words of comfort for you...I am still trying to find that comfort for myself. I draw no solace in the fact that others are going through this...it makes it all the more heartbreaking. NOBODY should have to go through this. It is just so horrible. I guess I just wanted to let you know that I am here for you if you ever need to talk. My situation is a little different since it was my dad and not my husband, but I too am alone with a small child and two big dogs and a home to manage. It is tough...but we must soldier on. I think that's the best way we can honor their memory. -stephanie

I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that God will give you strength in this difficult time. -stephanie

I understand what you mean. I think Katie put it well...cheated is EXACTLY how I feel. 30 is too young to lose my dad. He was too important to me. Too much of a part of my life. This was unfair and it is still just so hard for me to handle...and for me it has only been a month, so it is still very raw...but I definitely feel like I was robbed of much. I don't know who will walk me down the aisle when I marry. I don't know if my three-year-old daughter will remember her Pap-pap. I am grateful for the time I did have with him, but it was not long enough. great post. -s.

Yesterday I lost my brave and amazing father to this horrible disease. It happened sooner than anyone expected, and I am just reeling from the shock of it. I am not sure what else to say right now...I am just too heartbroken. -stephanie

Praying for peace for you and your family tonight. -stephanie

So heartbreaking. My sincere condolences to Frank's wife and family. May God grant you peace and strength in this difficult time. -s.

Frank, you are amazing. A class act. From my first time visiting this board, I have been blown away by your incredible attitude...by the grace with which you handle things and by the kindness you show to others. I will be looking forward to many of those weekly posts. -stephanie

Welcome...glad that you're here, but sorry that you had to find us. I think you will find a wealth of information and support on this board. I know it's been a Godsend for me. -stephanie

...and everything's shrinking! He is done with radiation after 15 treatments, and has 3 chemo sessions completed so far. He is tired but we are very thankful that the treatments are working! The doctor added Avastin at his last chemo session on Tuesday, so I am really hopeful that the news will continue to be good. Thanks a bunch for your continued prayers and support. This site is such a blessing to me. -stephanie

Kasey, how do I get one of these? My mom owns a restaurant and I am certain that she would be willing to put one in...I know my customers would donate generously. Please let me know.

My dad is a very active 53 years young. He was dx in early November with stage IV nsclc, so he is at almost 3 months and counting. I am believing that he will be around for many healthy and wonderful years.

My dad lives alone, and my plan since the beginning of this has been to move in with him when he starts to need help. He is very independent and he's used to living alone, and I don't know how calming it would be to have a rowdy two year old, another big dog, and me in his house all the time...so I want to wait until it really is necessary. On the same token, I would hate to let it go for two long and risk him being hurt or something while he is home alone. The thought of it is starting to make me more and more nervous...but I don't know the right way to go about this. Any advice?

many prayers for you, Kasey. -stephanie

To All Of The Wonderful People Here... My prayer for each and every one of you is to enjoy a wonderful holiday. For those of you who are fighting the battle, I pray for a day of great peace, full of special moments with the people you love. For those of you that have lost someone to this terrible disease, I pray for a day filled with comfort and rich with beautiful memories. For all of us, I pray for a day when there will be no need for a website like this one. And finally, I pray that you all could know how profoundly you have touched my life. This site is a tremendous blessing to me, and I am genuinely thankful for each and every one of you. Merry Christmas! -stephanie

Well, my dad starts radiation on Thursday and his onc has decided to add the Avastin to his next chemo (December 26). I will update my profile soon. Kasey, my dad is being treated at Keystone Cancer Center. I think they are doing a wonderful job. I am feeling positive again...and I am realizing that it will be a daily struggle for me to keep my spirits up. I just wanted to thank you all again for your wonderful words of encouragement. This board is truly a Godsend...I am grateful for each and every one of you. -stephanie

I have tried very hard to remain positive...and for the most part, I have been successful. My biological father passed away when I was in first grade. He had been separated from my mother since I was an infant and had no caontact with my brother and I since then until his untimely death when I was still a small child. The dad I speak of in this forum has been a part of my life since I was four years old and has been the most stable and consistent influence in my life since I was in grade school. Tonight some friends had a Christmas party. It started out upbeat and cheerful, but at a point in the evening the conversation shifted to my dad and his cancer. I am willing to talk very openly about my feelings and my hurts and the impact that this disease has had on me...and here is how I really feel. I am 30 years old. A single mom...unmarried...and I lean on my dad for many things. He has always been there to help me and support me and has been such a great friend to me over the years that I have really never felt the pain associated with growing up without my "real" dad...I have always had a very real dad and been very thankful for that. In spite of his treatments and his resilience and his willingness to fight this awful disease, I know that his odds (with stage IV cancer) are not good and that it is likely that I will lose my dad within the next few years...even if his treatments go well. And that stinks. My dad is supposed to have a starring role in my wedding. He is supposed to attend the births of ALL of my children. He is supposed to meet the man I will someday marry and to tell me he thinks that man is perfect for me and that we have his blessing. He is not supposed to die. I know I should remain positive and I know that I should not grieve for the living and I am trying my best to keep a fighting spirit...but I also know what we are faced with and I just think that it is so entirely unfair. and some days that is really hard for me. and maybe I should be stronger or more upbeat and I would never admit this to my dad...but I feel defeated already and I absolutely hate it. How do you stay positive in the face of such a grim diagnosis? I just don't know how to do it. My world is just closing in around me. I just don't know if I am strong enough to handle this.

I am so very sorry for your loss. -stephanie

Yummy! We decorate with them, put them in drinks, mash them up and put the crumbs on top of cookies...so tasty. Chocolate mint ones sound intriguing. I will have to look for those.

Tracy, I am so happy for your wonderful news. I hope you have a lovely birthday and a fantastic holiday season. -stephanie