shirleyb

Ann and Ricky, Thank you so much for taking the ball and running with it. I think this area will be much used in the future. It is sometimes hard to express the anger, frustration, loneliness that comes with being left behind in the other areas of the forum. It also gives people the right place to ask those hard questions of what do I do now. Where do I start to get things done. Like how to get your bank account unfrozen when that was the last thing you expected to happen after your loved one has passed. I know there are many others out there that need this area just to vent and know they are not alone. May God bless you both. Thank you both so much. Shirley

Don and Lucie, I have you in my prayers. I do hope the PET comes back good. Hang in there. Much love, Shirley

Kim, My husband went through lots of problems with blood clots. From his experience with the blood clots, if it were up to me, I would demand that she be hospitalized and put on heprin(sp) or other blood thinners to get the swelling undercontrol. The cumiden did not work for Randy. Randy had extreme pain because of the blood clots and was to the point he could not walk. If you have any doubts about what to do, call the doctor, tell him how concerned and scared you are for your mother. Or if you feel the doctor is giving you the run around, take her to the emergancy room and have her admitted until this is undercontrol. The support stockings were a blessing for Randy as they did help to decrease the pain and discomfort. You are in my prayers. Much love, Shirley

Mo, I am so sorry for your friend and for you. I will say prayers for you and your dear friend. Much love, Shirley

Ann, I have been thinking about you all day. I wish for you enough....... Much love, Shirley

What a timely post. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. This is something I think I will have to reprint and put in frames for each of my children and brothers and sisters. Thank you so much for sharing. Wishing you enough..... Much love, Shirley

To everyone who is new here. I can't give you advise on treatment because my hubby died only a month after we found out how sick he was. But in that short time, I did find out things that everyone should know. First, get a good note book and write down everything. If you have questions, write them down in this book. When you get information from the doctors, write it down. This book will become your bible of sorts. Put everything in there. What your loved ones are taking, what tests are being done, when, where, who. The whole shibang. Take that book with you everywhere you go. It can make quiet a difference if there is an emergancy and you are not dealing with your normal doctors or health care providers. Second, get a legal and medical power of attorney done as soon as possible. It doesn't mean you will ever need it or use it, but I will tell you from experience, without those items, if something bad happens your hands are tied. And no one should ever go through what I had to go through after Randy died. Having him gone so suddenly, left me not only with greiving for him but trying to survive when the bank froze my account and I had to wait 8 weeks for a death certificate to clear things up. Third, keep an eye on your own health. Get your check ups done on time and if you haven't had a physical lately, get one. You need to be able to be there and not have to worry about what is going on with you and trying to "hide" it from those you love. This is going to be very stressful and we all know what stress can do to a person. Take care of yourself too. Fourth, keep intouch with those of us here on the message board. If you have questions or concerns, this is the place to be. It has been my life line durning these past very difficult months. It keeps me sane and lets me know I am not alone in what I am going through or what you are going through. There are so many here at different stages of this nightmare and the love and concern of everyone can sustain you even in the darkest and scariest of times. Don't be afraid to ask questions. There are no stupid or silly questions asked. You can't get answers if you don't ask. Take one day at a time. You are all in my prayers. I pray for peace and joy and hope for all. Much love. Shirley

Ann, If I were there I would give you a hug and cry with you. I do understand how hard it is this time of year. I am also thinking of Mrs. Mike, and Shelley, and Christy, and Katieb, and Laurie, who is so new to this, and Jim W, and all the rest whose names escape me right now. You are not alone but yet it sure feels that way at times. With out all of those here, I do not know how I can go on but by the grace of God. Much love. Shirley

Thank you so much for this posting. Ann, I posted to you before reading this. I guess you could say I have egg on my face. God sends us gentle reminders of what we should do. I need to listen more and be quiet. Much love, Thank you again. Shirley

Linda, Thank you for your posting. Everything you said is so true. No one deserves this or any other kind of cancer. It makes one stop and think. You have a way with words my dear. Shirley

Bettina, Thank you so much. I know we will both get through this and find something we would like to do and get what we need from it. Enjoy the walks with the dog. Take care, Shirley

Don, It seems to me that I am seeing a lot of posting lately that are echoing my thoughts about what has happened. I too have had some special people come into my life since Randy became ill and then died. There are several I would like to share with everyone here, as they have been my angels and have shown me God's miracles. Karen was the first one. The day we found out that Randy had cancer and were told by his onc (which is another angel) that Randy did not have much time left, I found her standing in the lobby of the hospital. She was there because her father was having some problems. Thank God it was a fluke and nothing was seriously wrong with him. She use to be one of our neighbors whom we had lost touch with. She is such a powerful prayer. I saw her just standing in the lobby as if she were waiting for me. She had no idea Randy was ill. When she saw me, she knew something terrible had happened. She held me as I cried like a lost babe in the woods. She held me as she prayed for Randy. It gave me such comfort. I will always be thankful to God for her presence. I know He sent her there to be with me and to comfort me. I needed that strength that day more than I have ever known. The other two are people who Randy knew through his old job. Sue and Warren called the day before Randy had the surgery for the infection and asked if I or Randy needed anything. That was when they found out he was back in the hospital. They both came over Saturday morning and sat with us while we waited for the surgery and prayed with Randy and I for his safety. They then sat with us the whole day because Randy was not doing so well. When Randy died, I called their house from the hospital, Sue answered the phone and as soon as I said hello, she knew. They were the ones who helped me with all the arrangements and drove me to all the places I had to go. They made sure that I was okay and that the kids were okay. They to this day, seem to pop up when I need them the most. I call them my angels from God. If it hadn't been for them, I would not have known who to call for help or even where to start. They have always been there for me and for our children. So Don, thank you for posting and sharing your wonderful story. I truely believe there are angels here on earth. I thank God everyday for this message board and those that participate. Without it, I don't know how I would have made it this far in my journey. Everyone here who shares, gives of themselves in someway to others. Either by asking for help or giving it in whatever way they can. Even if it is just to say, I am here for you. Thank you Don for posting and thank you, everyone from the bottom of my heart for caring about each other. What more of a blessing could I have asked for. It takes someone who has "been" there, done that to know and understand how hard this journey can be. May we all find comfort in knowing there are people we have never met, that care as much as this Family does for each other. Much love, Shirley

Jay, My heart is breaking for you. It is such a shame that you or anyone else has to suffer from this nightmare. I am so sorry. I have three boys in my home right now that are in their early 20's and what you said about your mother is the most loving thing you could have said. I do understand from a mother's point of view. I guess that is why my heart aches for you. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and say honey, you will get through this too. You are such a special young man. It takes more courage to admit and accept what is happening to you. Don't short change yourself. People, (girls too) do understand. When you find that special friend, what a blessing that will be. But you have to open yourself up for that and that is the scary part. Give it a chance when you feel strong enough to handle it. Otherwise, just keep us posted so we know you are still fighting. I guess I am being a Mom here as my kids tell me. My door is always open and I am a good listener. Atleast that is what the kids friends tell me. They always show up on my doorstep when sh*t hits the fan. I hope you do well and that you didn't break anything. Take care sweetie. Much love, Shirley

Bettina, I really am doing well I think. I have my days were I cry my eyes out and my heart hurts because Randy is gone. But I also know he is in a better place and without the pain and suffering that goes with the lung cancer. I also know he is with God in heaven with my father, his father, and and a host of others that loved him. My father had a near death experience when he had a heart attack at age 49. He described what heaven was like and what it was like to feel the arms of God wrap around him and hold him close. That is what keeps me going. I know that someday I too will be with them all in heaven. As for the job hunt, at this point in my life, I am not sure what I want to be when I grow up. I have always done very detailed work. I use to set up item numbers for a large company. It involved making sure every aspect of the setup was correct. An incorrect setup could have cost the company millions of dollars in fines if it came to a customs question and classification. I also controlled the pricing and costing of those same items. It always has involved using my brain and thinking about how to work smarter, not harder, as I really am a lazy person when it comes to "work". I use to run 3 desk top computers at the same time to get my job done. I figure if I can do the job and do it right and not have to correct things, I was doing good. Funny I could do that before but since I don't have a four year college degree, most employeers look at me like I know nothing at all. Not everything a person does has to have a college education. Plus with the gap of not working for the past year in their eyes, something must be wrong with me. Like taking care of Randy while he was dying was not work. It was a labor of love. I know many that have that little piece of paper (college degree) and still can't button a shirt without help much less replace the lost button. Oh well. I am confident that I will find a job when the time is right. With the holiday's upon us, I am taking time for my kids to help them get through Christmas in a healthy way. Friends of mine say I have the "touch" to make people feel better even when my heart is breaking. Maybe I should go back to school and get that piece of paper so I can work with the kids at school. It would be worth my time, but in the meantime I have to find something that will pay the bills and put food on the table. I am not really worried about any of it. I have my faith and trust in God that He is walking beside me and protecting me. You are still in my thoughts and prayers. We all can use all the support and friendship we can find. I do understand about not being the "social" person and how hard it is to get out and make new friends. I am the same way. I don't go out partying and most of my friends don't live close by. So I do understand. Just hang in there. Keep in touch and take care of yourself. Much love, Shirley

Dear Anne, I am so sorry that you are having to be in the position you and your family are in. Follow your heart. Be with her and let her know how much you care. God is very forgiving. I am sure He has heard each of shout at Him many times. My prayers are with you that you all are able to find peace within yourselves. Much love and warm hugs. Shirley

I am so sorry. It is such a shock. It happened so fast. My heart and prayers are with Greg's family and friends. Much love, Shirley

Norme and Buddy, I was sure hoping for better news for you both. I am glad you are home now though and I do take your advise. Everyday I am glad to wake up in the morning and to see my kids. You just never know what tomorrow will bring. The saying goes, yesterday is a memory, tomorrow is a dream, so use to today because it is a present. Much Love, Shirley

Norme and Buddy, You two very special people are in my daily prayers. I do hope that you are able to post soon and let us all know how you are doing. It is so hard I know. If I could give you my strength, my faith, my "power" to make all well, I would in a heartbeat. Just know I care. Much Love, Shirley

An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me... it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too." They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The old Cherokee simply replied... "The one you feed."

Bettina, I am glad you are posting again. Right now I still do not have a job and I haven't really found anything that makes me want to get up and go. So I am still looking. I have faith that the right job will open when the time is right for me. I have too much faith in God not to believe He will guide me in whatever I do. In the 19 years I worked for 3M/Imation, I only interviewed for one job and that was the first one I had there. I held 7 different positions with them and each one, someone approached me with the job opening. I never really looked for any of them. And each of them brought me new joys. So I am relying on God to help me through this also. Give youself the right to honor what you have gone through and are going through. Follow your heart in whatever decisions you make. You will almost never go wrong in following what feels right inside you. I hope you find something that you feel is right for you. It does happen. Miracles happen every day we are here and I am sure you will have yours too. I know you have said you don't believe, and that is your right. But I still pray for you and that you find some peace and joy in your life again. I know that each day that goes by, I find myself healing. I still have my days were I cry my eyes out and my heart breaks because Randy is not here with me and our children. But then there are more days than bad it seems. It takes time. Follow your heart in all you do. Hang in there girl. I know I am not the only one pulling for you. There are many others that are too. Take care of yourself. Honor yourself and Richard in all you do. I hope to hear from you soon. Much love, Shirley

PeeJ, Isn't that how unemployment is? They want you off the roles as soon as possible. If you do anything that can knock you off and they find out, you are out of benefits. There is no heart in government. Sorry things are so hard for you right now. Take care, I hope things turn around for you soon. Shirley

I am so sorry to hear about your father. It is so hard when we lose those we love so dearly. Please stick around here. It has been my life line since Randy died back in August. I have found everyone here to be such help in my grieving process. I realize that we all do it differently, but stick around. I am praying for you and your mother and the rest of your extended family. I know how hard it can be. Again, I am so sorry. Much love, Shirley

Hey Girl, I am so glad you posted. I have been thinking about you alot. Stay in touch. I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE HERE. Shirley

Dean, You have a wonderful idea. This is something that I wish Randy would have had time to do but because of our situation, we didn't really have time to do anything. We had hardly accepted the fact that he had cancer and then he was gone. I wish that he would have had the time to write to his children about his hopes and dreams for them and for me. It would have been something that would have given us a part of him to keep after he was gone. I hope others will think about this idea and act on it. We each have memories of things that were and are special to us. We need to share those ideas and memories with each other because once we are gone, who is there to tell our story? I think it is a wonderful gift that you are giving to your family and friends. I hope others will do the same. How precious it would be to be able to see Randy's thoughts at this time. Thank you for sharing with us all. Much love, Shirley

Greg, I am so sorry to hear about all that has happened. You are the one who is in control about your treatment and I must say it takes courage to do what you have done in the past and are doing now. My heart goes out to you and your family at this very difficult time. You need to do what you think is best for you and your family. You will all be in my prayers. Take care, keep in touch as much as you can. Much love, Shirley