lilyjohn
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One thing that is made clearer everyday by most of the people on this board is the fact that lung cancer is not just a smokers disease. Also that something else had to come into play that is causing so many young women who have never smoked to get lung cancer.
I just read the post that Elaine made on thoughts and I see this is a day of deep thought. I want to share mine with all of you.
We all know that once smoking was linked to lung cancer most research into other causes stopped. The fact that more women are smoking helped link it to the increase in lung cancer.
Another fact is that other things happened at the same time as the increase in smoking by women. It became more fashionable to be skinny so artificial sweeteners became more common. It also became popular to choose the size of our families so artificial birth control became the norm. Could either of those things have a connection?
We live in a world that is becoming more artificial every day. Competition to succeed causes stress and to relieve that stress we take a pill (usually a chemical substance). We don't get enough natural vitamins because of the rush of everyday life. Fast foods have made us turn to a pill to get the vitamins that we no longer get naturally. We spend less time in the sun because the sun rays have been linked to skin cancer.(Could that be because the time we spend outside is idle time with very few clothes on?) No natural vitamin C so we seek it from a bottle of pills.
Now suppose we decide that it is time to get what we need naturally. We drink milk and eat dairy products from cows that are fed feed that has chemicals to increase the amount of milk that they give. Those same cows eat grain that is grow using chemical fertilizers and pesticides. We buy fruits and vegetables to help us eat right but again we meet up with more chemicals. The same as the food grown for cows and other animals applies to food grown for human consumption, chemical fertilizers and pesticides. Wax is used on many fruits and vegetables to make them look more appealing and keep the bugs off. Every where we turn we meet up with chemicals that replace natural resources. The air we breathe and the water we drink are contaminated. How do we treat the contaminated water to make it drinkable? We use chemicals!
This can lead to some pretty frightening thoughts. We are spoiled to the easy way of doing things. Our recreation is very seldom high energy outdoor fun. Most of it we get from a television or video game. Our life style is leading us in a direction that becomes more unhealthy every day.
There are two things that really make all of this frightening. One is that our world economy depends on all of the things that are harmful or artificial. The other thing is something I think of because of my beliefs. The Bible tells us that when God created man he gave us all we need to survive. That leads me to believe that there is a natural cure for everything. Every day more species disappear. How many natural cures are being lost?
As for tobacco I have another thought on that too. I have read that there is a worm that can destroy a tobacco plant over night. Do we really believe that tobacco farmers have hundreds of workers on standby to pick those worms off by hand? I think not. They use the same old standby. Chemicals. When we smoke it is those chemicals that are going into our lungs. Could they be the real culprit not the tobacco itself?
Speaking of tobacco. Is everyone convinced that when the taxes are raised on a pack of cigarettes it is to try to get people to quit smoking? Could it just be that they want the extra money to make up for the taxes lost when people do quit smoking? Every state along with the federal government are looking for ways to balance their budgets. The money raised in tobacco taxes can go a long way to help with those budgets. We already know that it is not going to help lung cancer dispite the fact that lung cancer was the main reason that the courts decided to award payment to the states.
Well this started out as a way to try to connect lung cancer to other things besides smoking. I feel that I may have succeeded in that effort but it sure doesn't make me feel good when I look at the whole picture and see just how hard of a battle lies ahead.
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All of the aniversaries we face are hard after losing someone we love so much. For some reason that one year aniversary seems to be the hardest for us. I can understand how lost and alone you feel. I too have been very much alone sense my Johnny died.
I could tell you all of the standard things that most people say about grief and "getting over it" but I won't because I know how little they do to help and that often they just make us feel worse. The pain you are feeling is very normal. A part of you is gone. If you are like I am you sometimes feel that it is the best part of yourself that died.
All I can tell you is that after my one year aniversary I have had more "moments" of peace. Often those times are very hard to come by even now 15 months after Johnny's death. But, they do come! Time does not heal it only allows us to learn to cope sometimes only minutes at a time but eventually those minutes turn to hours. Please don't give up on life. It is so very precious. Just think how precious your Richard is to you and what you have suffered for his loss. He and your love lives on every day that you take another breath. You honor him just by being alive.
Each time I read your posts my heart aches for you. I can understand so well how you feel because I have spent so much time in the same place. I will give you advice that I was given that is to get help. It is so obvious that you are deeply depressed and that worries me. I have been fortunate enough to be able to lift myself out of my bouts of depression but you sound like you are not able to do that. I ask you again please seek some profesional help.
May you soon start to find those few fleeting moments of peace that we all seek. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers but it takes more. You need to turn to your own faith and seek the answers that will help you. No matter if it is God or just an inner sourse of being there is something that will sustain you if you reach deep enough to find it. Please come here and let us know how you are doing. I as well as many others here will be very worried if we don't hear from you. Lillian
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Quiz
in JUST FOR FUN
This is not really funny but a quiz to bring back memories.. That can be good for the soul too. Be honest now and post your score. The answers are at the bottom.
My score 20
1. "Kookie; Kookie. Lend me your ________________."
2. The "battle cry" of the hippies in the sixties was "Turn on;
tune in;________________."
3. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the
sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, "Who was that masked
man?" Invariably, someone would answer, "I don't know, but he left
this behind." What did he leave behind?______________.
4. Folk songs were played side by side with rock and roll. One of
the most memorable folk songs included these lyrics: "When the
rooster crows at the break of dawn, look out your window and I'll
be gone. You're the reason I'm traveling on,
________________."
5. A group of protesters arrested at the Democratic convention in
Chicago in 1968 achieved cult status, and were known as the
______________.
6. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all
watched them on the _____________________________show.
7. Some of us who protested the Vietnam war did so by burning our
_____________________.
8. We all learned to read using the same books. We read about the
thrilling lives and adventures of Dick and Jane. What was the name
of Dick and Jane's dog?_____________
9. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk
(what there was of it) in the front, was called the VW. What other
name(s) did it go by?
____________________ or ______________________
10. A Broadway musical and movie gave us the gang names the
______________and the ____________.
11. In the seventies, we called the drop-out
nonconformists "hippies." But in the early sixties, they were
known as ______________________.
12. William Bendix played Chester A. Riley, who always seemed to
get the short end of the stick in the television program, "The
Life of Riley." At the end of each show, poor Chester would turn
to the camera and exclaim,
"What a __________________."
13. "Get your kicks, _________________________."
14. "The story you are about to see is true. The names have been
changed
______________________________________."
15. The real James Bond, Sean Connery, mixed his martinis a
special way:
____________________________________.
16. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle,
____________________________________."
17. That "adult" book by Henry Miller - the one that contained all
the "dirty" dialogue - was called
_________________________________.
18. Today, the math geniuses in school might walk around with a
calculator strapped to their belts. But back in the sixties,
members of the math club used a ______________.
19. In 1971, singer Don Maclean sang a song about "the day the
music died."
This was a reference and tribute to ________________________.
20. A well-known television commercial featured a driver who was
miraculously lifted through thin air and into the front seat of a
convertible. The matching slogan was "Let Hertz
___________________________."
21. After the twist, the mashed potatoes, and the watusi,
we "danced" under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go
in a dance called
the____________________.
22. "N-E-S-T-L-E-S; Nestles makes the very best...
_______________."
23. In the late sixties, the "full figure" style of Jane Russell
and Marilyn Monroe gave way to the "trim" look, as first
exemplified by British model ___________________.
24. Sachmo was America's "ambassador of goodwill." Our parents
shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was
______________________________________.
25. On Jackie Gleason's variety show in the sixties, one of the
most popular segments was "Joe, the Bartender." Joe's regular
visitor at the bar was that slightly off- center, but lovable
character,
_________________. (The character's
name, not the
actor's.)
26. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The
Russians did it; it was called ________________________.
27. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking?
_____________________.
28. One of the big fads of the late fifties and sixties was a
large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist; it was called
the _______________.
29. The "Age of Aquarius" was brought into the mainstream in the
Broadway musical ___________________.
30. This is a two-parter: Red Skelton's hobo character (not the
hayseed, the hobo) was ________. Red
ended his television show by saying, "Good night, and
______________________."
THE ANSWERS
1. "Kookie; Kookie; lend me your comb."
2. The "battle cry" of the hippies in the sixties was "Turn on;
tune in; drop out." Many people who proclaimed that 30 years ago
today are Wall Street bond traders and corporate lawyers.
3. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet. Several of you
said he left behind his mask. Oh, no; even off the screen, Clayton
Moore would not be seen as the Lone Ranger without his mask!
4. "When the rooster crows at the break of dawn, look out your
window and I'll be gone. You're the reason I'm traveling on; Don't
think twice, it's all right."
5. The group of protesters arrested at the Democratic convention
in Chicago in 1968 was known as the Chicago seven. As Paul Harvey
says, "They would like me to mention their names."
6. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all
watched them on the Ed Sullivan Show.
7. Some who protested the Vietnam war did so by burning their
draft cards. If you said "bras," you've got the right spirit, but
nobody ever burned a bra while I was watching. The "bra burning"
days came as a by-product of women's liberation movement which had
nothing directly to do with the Vietnam war
8. Dick and Jane's dog was Spot. "See Spot run." Whatever happened
to them?
Rumor has it they have been replaced in some school systems
by "Heather Has Two Mommies."
9. It was the VW Beetle, or more affectionately, the Bug.
10. A Broadway musical and movie gave us the gang names the Sharks
and the Jets. West Side Story.
11. In the early sixties, the drop-out, non-conformists were known
as beatniks. Maynard G. Krebs was the classic beatnik, except that
he had no rhythm, man; a beard, but no beat.
12. At the end of "The Life of Riley," Chester would turn to the
camera and exclaim, "What a revolting development this is."
13. "Get your kicks, on Route 66."
14. "The story you are about to see is true. The names have been
changed to protect the innocent."
15. The real James Bond, Sean Connery, mixed his martinis a
special way: shaken, not stirred.
16. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight."
17. That "adult" book by Henry Miller was called Tropic of Cancer.
Today, it would get a PG-13 rating.
18. Back in the sixties, members of the math club used a slide
rule.
19. "The day the music died" was a reference and tribute to Buddy
Holly.
20. The matching slogan was "Let Hertz put you in the driver's
seat."
21. After the twist, the mashed potatoes, and the watusi,
we "danced" under a stick in a dance called the Limbo.
22. "N-E-S-T-L-E-S; Nestles makes the very best....chooo-c'late."
In the television commercial, "chocolate" was sung by a puppet - a
dog. (Remember his mouth flopping open and shut?)
23. In the late sixties, the "full figure" style gave way to
the"trim" look, as first exemplified by British model Twiggy.
24. Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His
name was Louis Armstrong.
25. Joe's regular visitor at the bar was Crazy Googenhiem.
26. The Russians put the first satellite into orbit; it was called
Sputnik.
27. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? A Timex watch.
28. The large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist was
called the hula-hoop.
29. The "Age of Aquarius" was brought into the mainstream in the
Broadway musical "Hair."
30. Red Skelton's hobo character was Freddie the Freeloader. (Clem
Kaddiddlehopper was the "hay seed.") Red ended his television show
by saying, "Good night, and may God bless."
.
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I don't want to jump the gun but I may have some good news soon. I got a call today for an interview. The small hotel here where I live needs some help. I applied for the job. Sense they contacted my references and have me scheduled for an interview it sounds promising.
I need a job and this one so close to home is ideal for me. I just hope they will work with me for the time off I need in June for my granddaughters wedding. There is no way that I can miss that. I do plan on telling them about it during the interview. I want to make sure that I am honest with them about everything.
Please wish me luck and keep me in your prayers.
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CT Results
in HOPE
Great news Joe. Enjoy Florida and those sugar white sands.
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Hang in there Dean. I know how depressing the rain can be when it keeps you in but it can't last much longer. This is California after all.
I'm really sorry to hear that you are having more problems with symptoms. Hopefuly something can be done to help with those and still allow you to remain mobile. I know it has to be very hard for someone who is so used to being independent and on the go a lot. Your attitude has been and is an inspiration to all of us here.
Bless you and give you many days of sunshine and no more problems to deal with for a while. Make every second count and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Lillian
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WHY MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
What do you expect from such simple creatures!?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station
because this one's just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way
to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
People never stare at your chest
when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch
is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit
for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,
he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.
No wonder men are happier!
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I know what a heartbreaking and difficult time this is for you Annie. I just would like to know how you are and offer my support and thougts to you. God Bless you always. Lillian
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My heart breaks for you. It is so hard to lose the one you love so much. When it happens so unexpectedly the shock is as overwhelming as the sorrrow. My God hold you and comfort you. You and your family are in my heart and my prayers.
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I would love for you to do that. I want so much to help in some way. I saw so many of the things I spoke of in this letter with Johnny. They took a terrible toll on both of us. Now everyday I see more and more of the same thing here on this board. Please use it anyway that you can. Somehow someday we have to get someone to listen. It is just too cruel to let things stand as they are.
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I want to do something to help gain recognition for lung cancer. I believe that we have to put a human face on it to present to the world. I have written a letter to try and do that. Please give your honest opinion as to wether this might be of help. I would also like to add this web address at the bottom. Lillian
Dear Senator/Congressman
I am writing this letter to inform and also to plea for your help and recognition of a remarkable group of people. These people are engaged in one of the hardest battles there is to fight. They are not numbers or a disease but real people. They are grandfathers and grandmothers, fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers, aunts and uncles and children. They fight everyday of their lives with a strength that is unbelievable at times. Often they fight alone because ignorance has made most people keep them at arms length. They have only their loved ones and the others who are fighting the same battle for support. They didn't ask for this battle it was just handed to them.
Because the battle they fight has a stigma attached to it many think that they deserve to have this battle in their lives. They are judged and found guilty by those who know so little but have an attitude that is both cruel and dangerous. Many times that attitude comes from the very people they have to trust their lives to.
If you haven't guessed by now I will tell you that the people that I speak of are the thousands of people everyday who are diagnosed with lung cancer and their caregivers. Most of these people have proved that they have assets that are greatly needed in this country, things like stamina, courage and compassion. Can we really afford to keep losing these people and the qualities that they have?
Most people see lung cancer as a smokers disease and that is not only unfair but untrue. A large percentage of those with lung cancer do not smoke, never have smoked nor have they been exposed to tobacco smoke. There are many others who smoked and quit years ago. This disease does not discriminate. Everyone is susceptible. It matters not what status they have nor what religion they belong to. Age and sex spares no one any more than nationality does. At any time it could strike you or one of your loved ones.
It is hard to get anyone to pay attention and do something to help in their plight both because of the stigma attached to it and fear. It is not contagious but most people are so afraid of it that they think if they become involved in any way that they will be inviting it into their lives. It is time that the public and officials are educated about the facts. Those facts are:
1. Lung cancer is not just a smokers disease
2. It is not an automatic death sentence there are many long term survives
3 It is not contagious
4. It is the largest cancer killer in the world
5. Research into causes and treatments is drastically underfunded
6. People with lung cancer did not ask for it any more than someone asks to have a heart attack or colon or breast cancer. It is something that happens to them.
7. We desperately need someone to pay attention and speak up for these people
Everyone wanted to use their plight when battling the tobacco companies in court. Once the battle was won they were once more forgotten. The money that was received because of them is being spent in many other places instead of where it belongs, on research and other means to make life easier for the thousands of people battling this monster.
What they face is not easy. It is a day to day roller coaster ride that can knock the wind out of you a thousand times. Many times the treatments and the attitude of others robs a person with lung cancer of many things in their life long before it takes their life. It is time to do something to help stop those things. Please stand up for these people. See to it that lung cancer research is properly funded. Make certain that some of the money from the tobacco settlement goes to educate people on the real facts about lung cancer, not just to warn against smoking. Everyone knows that smoking is bad for you but few know all of the facts about lung cancer. It is time that they learn.
One other thing that is needed is a system that provides comfort items and support for those willing to fight for their lives. At this time many of the things that a person needs just to make life bearable during treatments are not available to them. There are many who are willing to keep fighting but give up so they can get what they need through Hospice. Why is it more important to help with the quality of life for those who are willing to stop treatment and possibly face a certain death and not for those who want to keep fighting?
These are all issues that need to be addressed seriously and soon. Any killer is a threat to all of us. Death doesn't have to come in the form of a bomb or poisonous gas. It can come from many places. Please don't allow it to continue to come from indifference
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63% Dixie and I thought I got nothing out of 32 years in Louisiana. Born and raised California girl but I guess that Oklahoma/Arkansas heritage came into it somewhere.
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Dearest Norme
I read your post and I remember those first few weeks when it seemed that everything I saw, touched or heard could only remind me of how much I have lost. It is a pain like no other I have felt in my life and I know that is surely how you feel. You still have so much love to give to him but he is no longer there to recieve it so you don't know what to do with it or how to cope with that emptiness inside of you. Still tho the emptiness is there the pain is too how can we have both at the same time? No one will ever understand that until they lose someone who is so much a part of themselves.
The tears are replenishable so never feel the need to stop them. Sometimes we need that to wash away even just a little of the pain. I had so much trouble sleeping. Each morning I woke more tired than when I went to bed. I felt like I had been thinking all night and not slept at all because when I woke the same thoughts and pain that I went to bed with were still there. It was so hard for me because Johnny liked to snuggle together and being alone with no one to snuggle made me feel like I would never be able to sleep restfully again. I decided on the second night after he died to take his robe to bed with me. I hadn't washed it and his scent was still on it. I could snuggle that and smell him that was the only way I could make it through the night. If you have something like that of Buddy's maybe you can do the same. It helps believe me. Even tho it has been washed many times now I still use his robe to help me get to sleep at night.
Your Buddy is still with you Norme. You may not see him but he is there watching and helping you through the days. The rainbow bridge is just behind that thin vail that seperates us from those who have gone ahead. When I posted the song "Beyond the Sunset" for you it had been going through my mind for days. It so describes how we feel at this time. It reminds me too that when the time comes my Johnny will be waiting for me beyond the sunset just as your Buddy will be.
I still have days when the pain threatens to overwhelm me and it has been nearly 15 months now. When I get to my worse place I come to this board for support and always find it waiting for me. I also ask Johnny to help me and somehow he always does. It may be only a sudden sharp memory of the sparkle in his eyes when he said "I love you Darlin" or sometimes something more intense happens. One night I know that he came to me and once again spoke to me and snuggled me through the night. When I have dreams now that are so disconected and make little sense I remember that night. Dreams do not make you feel like I did that night and I can remember very little of my dream the next day but that has been over a year and it is still as sharp in my mind as it was that first night.
Just keep talking to him Norme. He hears you and he knows better than anyone what is in your heart. May God Bless you and give you a few moments of peace just a little at a time until they start to grow into hours then maybe someday you will know peace until you too reach that rainbow bridge beyond the sunset.
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That really is beautiful Pam. No the world doesn't stop for our broken hearts. It seems that it should but it doesn't and sometimes it is hard to realize that it hasn't. I wish you peace.
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I remember this song from a few years ago. Thank you it has rained all day today. Maybe that is why on the rainy days I feel that my Johnny is closer.
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I hope you have many more of those lights ahead of you. Normal is always the best part of life. We just don't always realize it.
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I'm still waiting to see one that ends in kisser! That should be interesting!
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As you can see I'm Boobie Chickenbrain which I loudly protest! Now let's here it from the rest of you. What is your new name?
> you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to
> break up the day. And, if we are honest, we have a lot more
> stressful days
> than not-
>
> Here is your dose of humor...Follow the instructions to find
> your new name.
>
> Once you have your new name, put it in the Subject box and
> forward it to
> friends and family and coworkers. Don't forget to forward it
> back to the
> person who sent it to you, so they know you participated. And
> don't go
> all adult-my son-in-law's senior manager is now known far and
> wide as
> Dorky
> Gizzardsniffer.
>
> The following is an excerpt from a children's book, "Captain
> Underpants And
> the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey. The
> evil
> Professor forces everyone to assume new names......
>
>
> Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new
> first
>
> name:
> a = poopsie b = lumpy
> c = buttercup d = gadget
>
> e = crusty f = greasy
>
> g = fluffy h = cheeseball
> i = chim-chim j = stinky
> k = flunky l = boobie
> m = pinky n = zippy
> o = goober p = doofus
> q = slimy r = loopy
> s = snotty t = tootie
> u = dorkey v = squeezit
> w = oprah x = skipper
> y = dinky z = zsa-zsa
>
> Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first
> half of
> your new last name:
>
> a = apple b = toilet
> c = giggle d = burger
> e = girdle f = barf
> g = lizard h = waffle
> i = cootie j = monkey
> k = potty l = liver
> m = banana n = rhino
> o = bubble p = hamster
> q = toad r = gizzard
> s = pizza t = gerbil
> u = chicken v = pickle
>
> w = chuckle x = tofu
> y = gorilla z = stinker
>
> Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second
> half of
> your new last name:
>
> a = head b = mouth
> c = face d = nos
>
> e = tush f = breath
> g = pants h = shorts
> i = lips j = honker
> k = butt l = brain
> m = tushie n = chunks
> o = hiney p = biscuits
> q = toes r = buns
> s = fanny t = sniffer
> u = sprinkles v = kisser
>
> w = squirt x = humperdinck
> y = brains z = juice
>
>
> Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Goober
> Chickenshorts.
>
>
>
>
>
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When I was younger my boobs looked like two rochet ships ready to take off (Johnny's words not mine)
Now that I am older they are like a sub marine diving for the bottom(my words not Johnny's)
Now let's hear some from the men around here! We are not the only ones who age you know!!
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Oh boy one of the few things I miss about Louisiana Mardi Grass!!!!!!!!
Now if we must talk about food how about a King Cake? Boy talk about caleries! Then of coarse if you want real food that is not sweet there is the Po Boy and Becky Love that huricaine!! Pat O'Brians one of my favorite places in New Orleans!!!!!!
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What is the most valuable asset we have?
It is more precious than gold or silver or even diamonds
It is the easiest thing to give but the one we hold onto selfishly
It means most when you give it to someone
Giving it is the truest expression of love
You don't have to be rich to have it or give it to someone
It costs nothing to share it
without it we have nothing
with it we have everything
If we hold on to it it does not increase
when we give it it becomes more valuable
It means more to the ones we give it to than wealth
withholding it from someone is cruel
taking it away from someone is a sin
If you want to know the answer and can't find it scroll down. It will take you only one minute!!!!!!
Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Update
Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested yesterday for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.
She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition and Louella has been charged with ....
Misdewiener
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I thought these were funny and wanted to share them with you.
> >
> >
> > WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
> >
> > She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
> > Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
> > Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
> > Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
> > And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
> >
> >
> > WOMEN'S REVENGE
> >
> > "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the
> > woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet
> > I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
> >
> > "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
> >
> > "No," she replied but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do tohim."
> >
> >
> > UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
> >
> > (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
> > I know I'm not going to understand you
> > I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
> > pour it onto your upper thigh rip the hair out by the root and still be afraid of a spider.
> >
> >
> > MARRIAGE SEMINAR
> >
> >
> >
> > While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
> > "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things
> > that are important to each other."
> > He addressed the man,
> >
> "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
> >
> > Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered,
> > "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
> >
> > The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right
> > here.
> >
> >
> > CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
> >
> >
> >
> > A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the
> > aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can
> > help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons
> > for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few
> > minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a
> > ball of string on the counter.
> >
> > She says, confused,
> >
> >
> > "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your
> > wife?
> >
> > He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent
> > my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
> > and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
> > papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So,
> > I figure if I have to roll my own ............ so does she.
> >
> > (Of course . . . I figure this guy is the one on the milk
> > carton!
> >
> >
> >
> > WIFE VS. HUSBAND
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
> > not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an
> > argument and neither of them wanted to concede their
> > position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
> > and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
> >
> >
> > "Relatives of yours?"
> > "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > WORDS
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > A husband read an article to his wife about how many
> > words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
> > The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we
> > have to repeat everything to men...
> > The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > CREATION
> >
> >
> >
> > A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you
> > can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
> > " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made
> > me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
> > God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > BEAST
> >
> >
> >
> > Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent
> > quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper.
> > "Be careful," he said to his wife.
> >
> >
> > "You will bring out the beast in me."
> > "So what?" his wife shot back.
> >
> >
> > "Who is afraid of a mouse?"
> >
> > WHO DOES WHAT
> >
> >
> >
> > A man and his wife were having an argument about who
> > should brew the coffee each morning.
> > The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up
> > first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our
> > coffee."
> > The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking
> > around here and you should do it, because that is your
> > job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
> > Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it
> > is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
> > Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
> > So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New
> > Testament and showed him at the top of several pages,
> > that it indeed says..........
> >
> >
> > "HEBREWS"
> >
> >
> > I HOPE NO ONE WAS OFFENDED BUT I JUST HAD
> > TO PASS THESE ALONG.
> > Live well, Love much, Laugh often
> >
-
Dumb blond man
A young blond cowboy was arrested for indecent exposure when he was spotted walking though town not long ago. When asked why he was walking around with no clothes on he said it was not his fault. When asked to explain this was his response;
"It is a this beautiful young woman who caused me to be here with no clothes on. I met her at a party and ended up going home with her. We had drinks then went up to her bedroom. She got undressed and told me to take my clothes off. When we were both undressed she got on the bed and asked me to lay with her. Then she told me to get on top of her and when I did she said 'now go to town cowboy'. so here I am."
making a puppy
in JUST FOR FUN
Posted
Mom and Dad were taking young Billy for a walk through the park one sunny afternoon when all of a sudden, in the bushes a short distance away, Billy spots two dogs going at it. Billy says, "Daddy, what are they doing?" The dad responds after some quick thinking, "Why son, their making a puppy."
Later that night Billy was thirsty and got out of bed to get a glass of water. As he walked by his mom and dad's room, he heard a noise and looked in only to find them going at it. Billy shouts, "Daddy what are you doing?" The father, quite embarrassed, replies "Why Billy, we're making a baby." "Quick, turn her over..." declares Billy, "...I want a puppy!"