Debaroo

One gift above all others God gives to us to treasure One that know no time, no place And one gold cannot measure. The precious, poignant, tender gift Of memory---that will keep Our dear ones ever in our hearts Although God gives them sleep. It brings back long-remembered things A song, a word, a smile And our world's a better place, because We had them---for awhile. These words have been of a comfort to me, and I hope that they are to you, too. Take care, Deb

As I have told Katie and Tiny, and now I want to let you all know-words cannot express how grateful and lucky that I am to know you all. You have been such a cushion during this battle-and continue to be one. Thank you all so much, for everything. Take care, Deb

Pam, I am so sorry for your loss of you wonderful father. So much of what you have posted reminds me of my own dad-he left us on tuesday (dec. 23rd). I know that you have never posted about your dad before, but you sure did an incredible job of making him known to us. Thank you so much for sharing your story. \ Please stay on here, I know that you know what wonderful people are here, but you can be such a crucial part of this family-you and your fathers experience could be of such help to others...not to mention that we would like to be there for you and your family, as you get to adjusting to life without your father. Please take care, and stay on with us. Deb

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you continue on here-you have been such an important part of this family. Deb

When I went with my mom to her first onc. appt. they had catalogs for wigs and hats, etc. from the American Cancer Society. I took two so that we could look at them together, and talk over the phone if necessary, to help pick one out together. Their prices were very reasonable. They had a good selection of styles and colors available. They also sold shampoo and styling products as well as head wraps, turbins, hats, ets.. Oh, and they had a section on makeup application to cover dark circles under the eyes, and eyebrow/eyelash loss. Mom ordered two wigs from them and was very happy with them. Good luck and let us know how the wig search goes, Take care, Deb

This morning my father died, after an almost 2 year battle with lung cancer. My mom called me this morning at 7:30am to tell me to come over, he had fallen on the floor. He was sitting up and alert, not in any pain-thank God, as I was on my way, he told my mom not to call an ambulance, that he would get up...then he passed out, and his heart stopped...that was it, he was gone. When I arrived, I saw the police care and assumed that when I came in the house, Daddy would be seated in his chair and we would be deciding whether he should go to the hospital. But when I came in my mom said, "Debi, I think hes gone.." "WHAT?", when I went into the 'little room' (my old bedroom), I saw him and knew. Its so weird. It was so fast. I mean, yesterday he was having alot of pain. My mom called and said that Daddy had bent over to pick up a pencil and was having pain in his chest, that moved to his stomach. The pain was excruciating, Daddy asked if mercy killing was legal here-I think he just figured that it would get worse from there. The dr. said to give him his pain meds-as Daddy did not want to go to the hospital. I stayed for a few hours, until the pain had pretty much gone and Daddy was comfortable. This morning he had a cup of coffee and a donut-he forced it down-he hasn't eaten in 3 days-this time the chemo really took SO much out of him. He was so worried about ruining everyones Christmas. He always bounced back. We expected to kind of know when the end was near...hospice and all that. But, ultimatly, it was really good-he was home, he wasn't in pain. I don't know. I'm so confused. I'm grateful that he didn't suffer, and I'm sad that we didn't see it coming so quickly. I am glad that I got to see Daddy yesterday, and hug him and tell him I love him. I am so proud of him. He lived his life in such a noble way. Today a former co-worker e-mailed his 'fellowship members' about Daddys death (about 150 guys showed up at daddys retirement party, the usual turnout was about 30-40 guys...but for Daddy, all these guys that had retired in previous years came, just everyone. I was supposed to go to the party, but was busy giving birth to dads 4th grandchild (he said that she was his best retirement gift). Anyway, what was written about my dad in this notice of his death to fellow workers pretty much summed him up: "...He was simply put a very nice guy. No one ever could say a bad word about this total gentle man. He will be sorely missed by all, and his former co-workers will, as I have been, be very saddened by this very very sad news." That was my daddy. I love you Dad, I am proud of you and will do my best to make sure that you are never forgotten by your granddaughters Gwyneth and Julia. I will do my best to make you proud. You were a wonderful man, and will be missed more than words can say. Thank you all for being here-I wish you all a safe, happy and peaceful Christmas and a New Year filled with hope and many blessings-I have been blessed to have Richard Cuomo as my father, and am so lucky to have had him for as long as I did. Take care, Deb

David, please don't put more stress on on yourself by worrying about not responding to posts. I went through a funk very recently, too, and it passed as it will for you...just give yourself time to regroup and get up some energy. My predisesors here have given some wise advice. Mine is kind of simple. Sit down!!! and then sit still, think, think about all that you have to be thankful for and try to focus on that. Then have your wife and daughter sit with you. Just sit and be together, be still, be silent, and be comforted. You are together. That is THE most important thing. You love one another, also VERY IMPORTANT. Just let yourself breathe. Sigh. Stop worrying about all the things that need to be done, and that you are frustrated with your lack of energy, energy comes only after you allow youself to store some up. Thank you wife for her support, and try to take a breath before you speak (something I have yet to master, but am working on it) to avoid saying something that you may regret. This is a stressful time of year, and we tend to make most of that stress by worrying about what we're "supposed" to do (everything) and how we're "supposed" to feel (cheerful and jubulant). Not easy, for ANYONE. If we would just make things simple, than we would simply enjoy this time of year. Try to do that. Take care, you are in my thoughts and prayers, and we are all here for you. Deb

Bob, I have to say that, although the brain mets aren't the best news (I have a wonderful gift of stating the obvious, don't I ), I have to say that the fact that there are no other sites is GREAT NEWS! I will say this, I would deal with my dads brain mets again in a flash if I could trade in the lung mets. You can do this, Bob. Everyone knows it. Please enjoy your holiday. It is so much better to know what you are dealing with, because now you can take care of it. We've got your back. We love you. Take care and have a great holiday, Deb

Bob, you asked for it, you got it...Prayers being said right now. Let us know how it goes. We're with you, Deb

Cathy, have a safe and warm Christmas (warm inside and out ). When you feel the warmth, and think of your father, he will be, sort of, hugging you. Remember him and create a lovely holiday. Take care, Deb

Happy six month anniversary-two milestones well worth celebrating!!! Enjoy and take care, Deb

I can definatly understand why you are confused. Like Norme, I too have only found that research shows that when the cancer is in both lungs, surgery is not possible. Is it that he will only do surgery on one lung? But what would, really, be the sense in that? I agree with Don and Norme, while it is imperative to have an oncologist with a 'can do' attitude, I believe that there must be a balance between having hope and being willing to try clinical trials-and even change nutrition...but there must be a balance between being determined to fight the disease and going too far. I would get a third opinion. I know that it is alot to deal with, but if you can do a bit of research youself-so that you know what some of the determining factors regarding surgery are. Let us know how things go, and if the second doctor was more specific in what his master plan is. Take care, Deb

Consider it done. Deb

Mo, please know that I, too, will pray for your friend to have the strength she needs to get through this. I am so sorry, to have suffered so much loss. She is lucky, though, to have a friend like you. Take care, Deb

It will be one year ago next week that we discovered that my father had brain mets (three). We were upset, but not devistated. Why? Because thanks to this message board and a woman named Kerry who shared her fathers battle against this disease, we had a game plan...in all honesty, after all the research that I did, and my sister did-we were prepared for the brain mets. To us it wasn't a matter of IF he would develop them, but rather WHEN. Maybe that sounds negative, but it was this attitude that prepared us for them. Kerry had shared with the board the procedure that Fay mentioned above. Gamma Knife. As soon as I read Kerry's posts regarding Gamma Knife I knew that when the time came, this would be what we would investigate first. Also knowing that if the Gamma knife were not possible than whole brain radiation would take care of things. Daddy had the Gamma knife last January, and it was a very non-invasive procedure. It is a highly concentrated radiation that is aimed directly at the tumors, killing them in one treatment. It leaves the healthy tissue untouched. The number and size and even shape of the tumors can be determining factors as to whether someone qualifies for this high tech treatment. But as I said, and so did the others who have answered your post, whole brain radiation is also successful in treating brain mets, and we have members here who have experience with it. As far as your neighbors comments, I would tell her that you make every holiday special, and will continue to do so every year. Being a radiation tech has made her believe that she can see the future-this is not the type of attitude that I would want my father to be subjected to (or my family either, for that matter), but I am sure that her attitude is more of a way for her to protect herself than anything else. Maybe she feels she could better handle the times where a patient takes a turn for the worst (thus she is not able to help them) by expecting it, but she is wrong. Look, I'm not gonna say she should have responded to the brain mets news like its good news, but it is something that can be handled. Just a hurdle to jump. I've said it so many times before, but I will repeat it as much as I have to: in order to fight this disease, apart from the medical knowledge of the professionals, we too must seek out information. Knowledge is power-and the right attitude works GREATLY in a persons ability to fight this disease and to tolerate the treatments needed to help the fight. When a development-such as brain mets-comes up, it must be approached as a hurdle that you must get past. Whether you jump it, walk around it, or crawl under it-you can get past it! Please let us know what happens, and don't give up. If your mother-in-law feels pretty good, you said that she has no signs from the cancer except a cough that sometimes nags her- that is a very good sign!!! RUN WITH IT!!! I hope this was of some help. Take care, and keep us posted. Deb

Happy Birthday to you (cha-cha-cha, as my daughter would say) Happy Birthday to you (cha-cha-cha) Happy Birthday BobMC Happy Birthday to you!!!!!!!!!!!! AND MANY, MANY MORE!!!! Hope it was a great one. Deb

Oh- my- God, I am cracking up!!! Thank you for the beautiful story explaining the tradition of the angel on the top of the tree...It brought a tear to my eye...Tonight I shall gather my children together with a warm cup of cocoa and share this with them... NOT! I will tell my parents, though, Daddy will LOVE IT!!! Take care, and thank you for 'sharing' Deb

Laurie, This beautiful post that you have made here is why you have been so missed! Thank you, and those wishes are sent "right back atcha'". I am so glad that your mom continues to do well. Enjoy the holidays and I wish for you and your family a peaceful and HEALTHY New Year!! Take care, my friend...and don't be a stranger . Deb

Andrea, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this right now. Please try to take time for youself to take care of you...and don't feel guilty about wanting to do things that are outside of cancer. It is soo normal, and so necessary to take a break from things, to refuel and rest. This battle can depleate the health of the patient and depleate the mind and heart of their loved ones. Try to give yourself permission to take a break. It will actually allow you to give more of yourself to your mother when you are with her. This is such a hard battle, it cannot be done alone. This is a time where family and friends must help, and don't be afraid to ask-and don't be ashamed, either. I hope that this was of some help to you, as you have helped me so much-please know that you are safe here...if we could we would be there with you, physically, to help. I hope that you are able to take care of youself, too, it will benefit everyone in the long run if you do. Let us know how things go, and please know that you and your dear mother are in my thoughts and prayers. Deb

Nancy, just wanted to let you know that you and David are in my thoughts. I really can't add to the wonderful advice our friends have mentioned above. Second opinion!!!!!!!!!!!! You need someone that will be proactive, you would be amazed at how much the right doctors can affect the patient, its like it gives them a goal and refuels them for the fight...I have seen it with my father, and it is so intrigal to have the faith that they will go the distance for you! Please take care and let us know how things are going. Tell David that we love him, and we're here for both of you. Deb

Jennifer, I believe that the effects of chemo are different for everyone. It depends on the type of chemo-as well as the duration of the treatments. Chemo has cumulative effects on the body, both treatment wise and side effect wise. So, the more of the drugs in the body, in time, the person can experience side effects. But that is not true for everyone. Some people can pretty much cruise through chemo. I know that my dad got through his chemo of taxol/carbol with pretty mild effects, he did loose his hair, and would experience fatigue, but not nearly as badly as we thought he would. The worse side effect that Dad experienced took a while to show up, and that was the terrible 'metalic' taste in his mouth, which was so annying to him, and he still sometimes gets this. In the beginning this didn't effect his appetite as much as you would think it would, but he would have to stay away from certain foods that would make this taste worse. Sometimes he wouldn't get the taste until after he'd eaten, and he'd try to eat mints, etc. to help get rid of the taste. You didn't metion in this post (but may have in another post, forgive me for not remembering) what type of chemo he was getting. From what I've heard, side effects usually start after about 3 rounds of chemo...on the other hand, my MOM had carpoplatin (sp?) and Taxol and had NO SIDE EFFECTS other than hair loss and a bit of fatigue. Oh, she did have bone pain, which is pretty common due to the taxol being made from the bark of a tree (many people experience a type of allergic reaction that causes pain)the fact that she has rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalga didn't help her any, though. My point is, everyone is different. If he feels good tell him to RUN WITH IT. Rest when he needs it, and do what he can to keep his immune system healthy. Take care, Deb

Nicky, welcome to the boards-I am sorry that this is necessary for you, but am very happy that you have found us. My dad was originally misdiagnosed with SCLC in January 2002-in October 2002-due to the fact that chemo was not having any affect on the cancer-yet it didn't spread-another biopsy proved that he actually had NSCLC. So, I have a bit of experience with treatments regarding SCLC, and also with NSCLC. I agree that an MRI is in order, but it is so good that your dad had the preventive radiation to the brain (so that the 'blood/brain' barrier is broken and the chemo should, as a result, be able to hit the brain as well. I also suggest that you request a bone scan, just to be sure that there are no mets (metasis) developing in the bone. It is wonderful that your father is responding so well with the chemo, we have a member here (Lynn), and her dad was a 20 year SCLC survivor!!! So your dad can beat this thing. Also a member named Laurie's mom is in remission, and has been doing very well. Let us know how you make out with getting some further tests scheduled, I can concur that my dad is usually scheduled for CT scans every 3 months-since his diagnosis almost 2 years ago. Good luck to you and your dad, and remember that we are here for you. Take care, Deb

EXCELLENT LETTER, count me IN!!!! Deb

Jay, I am sorry that you have yet another hurdle to jump over, but YOU CAN DO IT!!! Bone mets can be dealt with, just as the brain mets were. And as far as Connies invitation to visit with her, I agree that it would be a great idea. And, count me in for the cost kick in...boy it would be great if you go! I have to say, the soccer ball is cute, but I much prefer to see your sweet face pop up with your posts! But, as long as you are posting, that is what really matters. And I agree that you should give your friends a chance at supporting you-after all, shoe on the other foot-wouldn't you support them? Give them a chance, it isn't fair to you or to them to assume that they 'can't handle it'. Let them decide for themselves, I think they are stronger and more caring than you give them credit for. And don't forget, THEY NEED YOU, TOO. They need your friendship just as much as you need them, thats how friendships work. Give and take. And, the same goes for girlfriends, too. If you don't give her a chance, than the 'what if' will drive you crazy! Take care, Jay, and don't feel guilty about taking time for yourself. You have every right to need to take some time for yourself. Just remember, there is a fine line between introspection and isolation-try not to cross it. It is good to be introspective and step back and take a look at the big picture, to meditate and get yourself focused on what you want or what you need. This is not a selfish act, and is quite healthy. But if you find yourself isolating yourself from your friends and family-those that love you-then you're in trouble. And one of your friends here on the board will have to come over and slap some sense into you (just kidding). We love you, Jay, and we are here. Please keep us in the loop as to how you are feeling-not just physically, but emotionally. We want to be with you, regardless of whether you're feeling crummy or happy-we are here. Take care, dear Jay, Deb

Norme, thank you for the update on your/our Buddy. Drop a note, here and there, if you can. We understand your need and desire to be with Buddy right now. We are always here, waiting. I am sorry that you didn't get better news after Buddys surgery. I will pray for a miracle. In the mean time, there are many prayers being said for you both, and please know that I think about you and Buddy often. I really feel that if we lived nearby, we'd be friends; I just know my mom and dad would love you and Buddy-you remind me so much of my family. In the mean time, try to take care of yourself, too. We love you both. Take care, Deb