Debaroo

OK, I confess....I guess it would have come out eventually...I...Oh, this is hard...I..am...a...former...rat-dog...owner....THERE, I said it, are you happy[/b]?!?! I used to be the owner of a rat type dog, she was a westie, I don't know what, mix...she weighed in (this is the hard part) at 7lbs... But I'm reformed, I now own a 65lb mutt...OK, so he's just as annoying-maybe even more annoying. I mean when Darby (the rat-dog) would jump on your leg, you could brush her off by just blowing at her...Farley acts just as wiery (its the terrior thing), and is a heck of a lot harder to shrug off! So, there you have it, been on both sides of the fence...though I love both dogs, I must admit...(deep sigh) the rat dog was easier to take care of...ARE YOU HAPPY DAVEG? I mean, I could get 5 people to watch the rat when we were away, but FARLEY, Noooooo, I have to board him for $200 bucks!!! Not to mention the SHEDDING!!! Oh, don't get me started... But, dog love is dog love....can't we just get along? (this is not my attempt to call attention away from myself as a rat-dog lover...I liked the CONVENIENCE of the small dog, Farley is more fun to play with. But, honestly-the unconditional love, well, ok....ok...now I'm getting sappy. I'll shut up now.... Ry, and DaveA, be gentle.....deb

Just wondering how he is doing. I miss his posts. Deb

David, I am so sorry that I havn't seen your post until today, don't know where my head is. Anyway, if you feel the need for a second opinion, than please get one. You don't want to be caught in the 'what if' mode in the future. I am sure your wife will understand. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Oh, by the way, I can totally understand including DaveG in your prayers-the rat/dog however, well, that would be different. Please take care David, we'll be here a'wating for you! Deb

Erin, I understand, a bit, how you feel. Dad was dx nsclc Jan 2002-then Mom was dx ovarian cancer in April 2003. Dad passed on Dec 23, 2003. The night of his funeral I found out a dear, and young, friend of mine had breast cancer... Then we had a bit of a scare with my husband, high liver enzymes, I thought-sure, cancer again, why not? Fortunatly there is no concern there, he has a 'fatty liver'...BUT, I was so overwhelmed by it all, it felt like the terrorists found a way to spread cancer! I am so sorry about your husband, having young children myself, I can't imagine...but you must try to take care of yourself, physically and emotionally. It is so good that you came to vent here, please continue to do so. Its weird, but when I was in the small health store in the gym that I go to, I found a card with the quote from Buddha on it, and for some reason it really helped to put things in perspective. Thats why I have added it to my 'signature' here. I don't know how to help, except to say that you are amongst friends here, and when you need to vent-we can take it. Whatever we can do to try and need help to carry on. Lean on us. Take care, Deb

Shelly, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you and your family are able to find some comfort in your memories. There is no right or wrong way to grieve-let yourself feel what you feel. Please stay on here-we all need eachother. Take care, Deb

Rick and Katie, we're finallly snow free here!!!! Only the parking lots have mounds of snow, which will be there until well into March, or even April I guess. Sorry Hunter has a cold, but he looks like he enjoyed the snow. Great pictures! Speaking of pictures: Tiny, what a HANDSOME COUPLE!!!! Love the new Picture! DaveG, you look younger and younger with every new pic ! What is your secret ? Botox? Talk about an EXTREME MAKEOVER! No, really, what a BEAUTIFUL BABY!!! Take care, guys. I'm hoping for spring to be sprung on us really soon. This has been one cruddy winter, and it can't end soon enough for me. Take care, my friends, Deb

Howard, you may not be able to teach at your school, but you sure can teach alot here-sharing your faith and spirit here. I, for one, feel I have, and can still, learn alot from you. Post when you can, and in the meantime, know that you are in my prayers and thoughts. Take care Sir, Deb

Norme, There are no words. Deb

Kim, So I woke up this morning thinking about last night, I had another dream about my dad; I wanted to post about it, but knew that this post was older and wasn't sure I wanted to 're open' it-then I saw YOUR POST and was so glad!!! The dream was that I was at my parents house and my dad was in bed, he was dead, but then just opened his eyes-and I was so happy, I said, "its you, you're really here" and I held his face in my hands. I didn't stop or let go for a long while. Daddy just smiled and said, "yeah, I'm here, I got to come back for a while." and we were both so happy. Then his best friend, Binny came along (Binny died, too, about 9 years ago, also of lung cancer) anyway, we were all so happy to be together. Then the dream got weird, not bad weird, confusing weird. There was this cute white and grey cat, it was very friendly and calm. It was as if it came with Dad. My dog started to chase it, so I went to put him downstairs, and block him in. Then the dog turned into a cute little boy, about 1 or 2 years old. He had blonde hair and chubby cheeks and was teasing the cat, not being mean, just playful. So, I picked up the little boy and scolded him a bit. I have no idea who this little boy was...he was adorable, though. Daddy seemed satisfied when I picked him up and he left the cat alone. Then I woke up....then I realized. When my dad was first Dx in January 2002, about 2 weeks after his Dx, I had a miscarraige. It was VERY EARLY into the pregnancy. Only about 9 or 10 weeks. Honestly with all that was going on at the time, you know the shock and fear when he was first diagnosed, and he was in the hospital, and we were trying to make arrangements for my Great Grandfather to come live with us. So the pregancy wasn't exactly a happy thing, at the time it was just SO STRESSFUL. Then I thought, and I might be reading too much into this, but maybe it was a way to let me know that 'the baby' was ok and with my dad. You see, I NEVER told my parents about the pregnancy or miscarriage-I was too upset and nervous to talk about the pregnancy, and wasn't feeling any symptoms of it-so I kinda felt like something was wrong-then when I miscarried, I didn't want to upset anyone-so it was a good thing that I hadn't told anyone-since things didn't work out. Anyway, I have had several dreams about my dad, and they are always that he comes to 'visit' because 'they' allow him to, and we are always happy. I wake up happy and then sad that I woke up. It feels so real. I really felt like I was holding his face in my hands, I just kept saying 'its you! You're here! I love you, Daddy!" So, thats it. In the meantime, just trying to adjust to life outside of the dreams. The waves of sadness 'ebb and flow' and I try to ride the wave, but it ain't always easy. Take care, deb

My dads orig. biopsy was also of a tumor on the spine (first one they found), at first it was determined that he had SCLC=but after Daddy received chemo for 10 months, and scans showing that there were virtually no changes in the tumors, yet it wasn't 'spreading like wildfire' (SCLC tends to respond to chemo very well, and if it happens to be the rare for that dosn't respond, it spreads very fast). Anyway, the doctor ordered another biopsy, this time of the lung, since the spine is very hard to get a really good tissue sample from, and that biopsy proved that it could be, and probably was, NSCLC. This allowed my dad to get into the IRESSA trial. Anyway, long story short, Don is probably right, they didn't get a good enough tissue sample to best determine the exact type of cancer you have. Did your doctors mention that, in time, they would attempt a biopsy of the lung? How did they determine treatment? Take care, and hope that this was of help. deb

Andrea, DONE!!! let us know how things go. Deb

Just wondering how she is doing, and her mom. Deanna, if you get a chance, just drop a line-you know how nervous we tend to get here if we don't hear from anyone.. Take care, Deb

OK, Laurie, I must confess-I started reading your post and thinking, 'wow, Laurie had one heck of a day .....wait, everything rhymes ...........duuuhhhhh I am an idiot.' Once again I confirm the reason that my parents called me a "literal child", I have proven, once again, that point....DuhduhDeb

Hey DavidA, how far do you think you could drop-kick that thing? We'll do a 'name that tune' contest..."I could drop-kick that rat dog.....45 yards." Anyone???? Deb

JC, Ry, FayA, DaveG, Don and KarenC Thank you guys so much for sharing your stories and not making me feel like a freak. Ry-your dad must have gotten a HUGE kick out of those birds being in the procession!!! I could not stop laughing. Its so funny how our loved ones seem to have some of their personality with us, even after they are gone. It is such a blessing. My Grandfather died last thursday (he was 89 years old), so there we were on Friday-another wake and funeral. It all seemed like so much. My mom said that she thinks my dad took Grandpa, so that we would not have to worry about him so much-Grandpa was in alot of pain, he had a disease called Padgets disease, has had it for most of his life-and it is very painful. I asked her if she though Dad had that kind of power already, I mean, you'd think that he'd have to work up to something like that. Then I was talking to my dear friend, Jacqui, and she was saying that right after her mother died, her sister-who had been trying to get pregnant for years-got pregnant right after her mothers death. Then we were talking about how this happens alot, we both knew of people that were trying to conceive and did so after the death of a loved one. So, Jacqui said, "well, maybe when you die, you are given the gift to either add someone to the world, or take someone away-just one time." And I said "Sure, Dad takes Grandpa-he couldn't take, like BIN LADEN, or someone evil like that, he had to take Grandpa." Its funny how life works, just when you think you got a hold of things, something throws you into a whirlwind. My mom was watching my little one, Julia (3), and Julia turned to her and said "so, Meema, Poppys still dead, huh?"-Mom could not stop laughing, and I said, Julia must be thinking- like, 'man, that guy still hasn't resurrected himself, huh? Whats it been, like, a month-whats taking so long." Oh, well, what are you gonna do. Take care, guys. Deb

Annie, I am so sorry for your losing Tim. It sounds like Tim had many loving prayers going up in his honour, and alot of love surrounding him. I hope that, when you are up to it, you come back again. You know how we are, we like to keep tabs on our family...take care, and, again, I am so sorry. Deb

Andrea, I am so glad that you and your mother were able to enjoy your shower, it is all about creating memories, and it sounds like you both created some beautiful ones! With more to come. Oh, don't be surprised or upset of your mom is more tired than usual, excitement can take its toll, but it sure is a GOOD TOLL. Just don't let it frighten you, OR let it keep you and your mom from having more fun!!! Take care, deb

Oh, Norme-I am so sorry for all that you and Buddy are going through. I wish that I could be there with you, for you...I think about you both all of the time, and include you in my prayers. There are no words, I am giving you a mental hug right now (((((((((((((((((((((((((NORME AND BUDDY))))))))))))))))))))))))) Please take care, Deb

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew! Man, it's good to be able to breathe again!!! Feelin' for you, Sandy. Great news is an understatement! Take care, deb

Oh, Norme and Buddy, I just don't know what to say. I just want you know that you are both in my thoughts and prayers-With much love and respect, Debra Harrell

You asked for it, you got it! Deb

Shelly, I don't know what to say, except that we will do what we can to help YOU through this. Sometimes surrender is the only way to save yourself. I guess its sort of like the old story about being stuck in quicksand, the more you fight against it, the more it pulls you down. Maybe letting yourself give up on trying to be a lifeguard and save everyone, maybe you'll be able to just be there with your father. Not so much for him, that puts you in the rescuers position. But if you are there with him, it allows you to accept the journey-not fight it-just to be there. Sometimes that is the best medicine for everyone. My grandfather is in a nursing home, he's 88 years old. He has forgotten how to swallow (dimensia), but he knows who I am. When I visit he mostly sleeps. His body is failing. We do not want a feeding tube, as he has been through enough, he is old and has been ready to die for some time (he lost his wife 20 years ago, and his son 6 years ago-to lung cancer). Now my dad has died, Dad and Grandpa were as close as a natural father and son-we didn't even tell Grandpa, as we knew he would not be able to take it. So, we sit with Grandpa, we hold his hand, we offer him drinks with a straw. We make sure that he is comfortable and, above all, we make sure that he knows he is loved. The point is, there are people just as old, and older than Grandpa, and their loved ones chose the feeding tube. These people are basically in coma-like states, but their loved ones did not have the ability to accept, so they fought against the course of life. I guess my point is, there is a strength in giving up. Strange as that might seem. Try to think about it. Give yourself a break. And, please, come here and let us know how you are doing. Take care, Deb

Angie, I, too can relate to your emotions being on overdrive. When my dad was first Dx I was crying constantly. I was on line at Marshalls and the checkout lady was complaning about how long the lines were and how busy the store was-blah, blah, blah-now this was NOT a good time for me (last April, as Dad continued to fight the lung cancer, my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer-so I was in NO MOOD for this lady to be b#*ching about having to do her job! :twisted) so, I said the first words that came to my mind "both my parents have cancer, waiting in line is the least of my problems" Her attitude adjusted accordingly-I felt like a voiceover should chime in, like those milk commercials, except the voice would say "GOT PERSPECTIVE?" My dad took it all, to me, 'too well'. I thought, "oh, this poor man, he has NO CLUE!" then, after talking with my dad I realized, he had more than a clue, he had the whole thing in a nutshell. He knew that his illness was terminal, but would do what he could to get more time, and accept whatever he got. The most important thing to him was to be able to enjoy his time. THAT IS KEY. After dads last chemo, he decided "no more" and we all understood, and supported that decision. Though it made us sad. I really respect that you are respecting your dads decision, and as JC said, maybe when you have more information, he'll change his mind. If he dosn't, I'm sure you'll be just as supportive. As far as your getting a perscription to help you, talk to your doctor. We all need a little extra help sometimes, so that we could deal and take care of the usual business of life, not to mention whatever emotions the cancer throws our way. As the Beatles said "whatever gets you through the day", do what you have to, you don't need to get yourself sick, too. I forget the name of the medication that I was perscribed, but I DID get it right after the incident at marshalls, as I found my being BLUNT, I have a tendancy to call 'em like I see 'em, but I was being more ABRASIVE than anything else. I guess I went from crying to kind of lashing out (I am not proud of that). So, talk to your doctor, and coming here is also a huge help. We welcome you with open arms. Let us know how things are going, with both you and your dad. Do you have family to help you get through this, besides your husband and children? Take care, and I look forward to 'seeing you' . Deb

I don't want to offend anyone. Any of you guys that know me probably know that I have a tendency to use humor to get me through the tough times. My dads wake was no different. Joking around with friends and family, and also hearing stories that I hadn't heard before about Daddy were very healing, indeed. So, we're at the wake, and I'm talking to some family friends-they really were family-about Daddy, and my sister-in-law comes up to me. She had just paid her respects to my father and said a little prayer, than she came up to me and said "could you do me a favor and tell the funeral director to please remove the hair from your fathers lip." So, I went over to Dad, and he did, indeed, have a strand of blonde hair on his lip...so, I took it off, as I did this my sister in law sort of let out a little shriek-I then realized what she was thinking...string. I had to call her on this (I am, after all, me) ME: "you thought that was a piece of string, didn't you?" HER: (nervous giggle) YEAH! ME: "wouldn't it be great...I'd pull on the string, and when someone goes up there I'd say (deep voice, trying to imitate my dad) 'hey, thanks for coming, its great to see ya.' Or make him stick his tongue out. We were all cracking up. My parents dear friend that lives across the street from them, bakes these cookies that my dad LOVED, Greek Christmas cookies, and she felt so bad that she didn't get to bring some over to my dad before he passed. So she brought one, wrapped in a napkin, and asked my mom if she could tuck it into the coffin. Mom said yes. I said that we should put it in Dads hand and rub some of the powdered suger on his mouth. We were cracking up, thinking about what people would think. Dad would have gotten a kick out of it. So, those are just a couple of examples. It was actually very nice. As sad as we all were, and as much as we missed Dad, he was with us. It was so nice to reminice about him, and I really heard some funny stories that I had NOT been privy to when he was alive-all just confirming what I already knew, that when you were in a tough spot, you wanted Richie Cuomo on your side. And if you were forthright, and a person of honor, he was there. And his favorite thing in the world was to gather with friends and family, and laugh. So, Ry, there's your story. Once again, a disclamer, this post was not at all meant to be disrespectful of anyones' beliefs, and especially of my Dad. Take care, Deb

Shannon, I have this posted on my fridge, and it sounds like you are doing it!! The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. -Buddha take care, and I am sure that Mike is very proud of you. You're one heck of a lady.. Deb