Debaroo

Oh, Carleen, surely you know that we don't expect everyone to be up to posting all the time. I have had so many periods of time that I would do the SAME thing that you described. I would read a post and begin to reply, and the words just would not come. It was as if the emotion was so overwhelming that the words just were inadequate, or non existant. Please know that you and Keith are in my thoughts and prayers on a regular basis, but a special prayer for his acceptance into this trial are on their way! It is so great that Keith has been able to maintain an active lifestyle-if that ain't proof that he is a strong man and has alot to fight for, well then, I don't know what is! Please keep us posted, WHEN YOU ARE UP TO IT, as for the rest of us, we are here for you, waiting...and don't feel obliged to always reply to posts, we know that you are around-and that you care. You have to take care of yourself and Keith. We're here whenever you need or are up to it. Take care, and GOOD LUCK!!!!

Marlon, I hope that you know that you did all that you could for your mother, she was so lucky to have you in her corner, and I am sure that she knew that. I am so sorry for your loss. Please, Marlon, try not to have any regrets-you did the best you could do, and alot more than many others could/would do. Please try to stay on here, we want to help you through this loss, as much as we can. We are here for you, we will be waiting...Deb

Becky, hope I am not too late in welcoming you. Also, could you do me a favor and give our KatieB a big hug, from me, Debaroo (Deb). I am also, glad you are here, and I am looking VERY forward to hearing some stories about David-the misadventures of David C-has a nice ring to it. So, welcome, and it is great that another member of Davids family has decided to join our family! Take care, Deb

Becky, I agree, It is great that a plan of action is being implemented. I hope this one does the trick!! I truly believe that it takes some wrong answers to find the right one. Here's to this cocktail being the RIGHT ANSWER!!! Take care, and keep us posted. Deb

Hey, T, just wanted to echo Becky and wish you luck- your 1/3rd of the way through!!!! I am not sure of the WBR, thing. I know that my dad had Gamma Knife, and they, also, waited a month after the procedure for his first post-GK MRI. I also believe it is to allow for any swelling, etc. to go down. I know that there are others here who have more similar experiences to yours, just wanted to let you know that I'm with ya! Take care, and I am sure that the Empty-Head Club is reserving a spot for you!!! Take care, Deb

Hi everyone. Well, a very old friend of mine (we grew up together, as kids our families have taken vacations together, and we keep in touch still.) Anyway, she was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, just turned 40, and is actually in the hospital as I write this to have, at the very least a, mastectomy. She will find out if the cancer has metastisized at all after the surgery. So, here's the thing: I have an article from WEBMD (I subscribed to their e-mail) that says "alarming new research shows breast cancer undertreatment is common in the U.S., and experts say women may be dying unnecessarily as a result." Then the article goes on to say why this tends to happen and the possible results. I know that she told me that if the cancer is only in the one breast she will receive the min. dosage and type of chemo.. After reading this article, which I received on Dec. 15th, never opened and oddly, never deleted from my e-mail-then I got the news of her diagnosis on the evening of Dec 26th (the night of my dads funeral mass), recalled the title of the e-mail content, immediatly read it and wanted to share this information with her and her family. I was so surprised that she was going through all of this, and was not only present at Daddys wake and funeral mass, but that she was so supportive and kind, her usual self. I don't want to step on any toes, but think that this is some important info. that she should be privy to. I know that I would want her to do the same if the shoe were on the other foot. She is like family. What would you do if you were me, or how would you feel if you were in her shoes. I really respect you all, and your opinion would be highly appreciated. My gut says to share the info, tell her exactly how I feel about not wanting to 'step on any toes', etc.. Please, be brutally honest guys...Let me know what you think. Thank you, in advance. Take care, love ya! deb

Nancy, I am so sorry for Davids passing. He was a very valued part of our family. I hope that you continue to visit with us, as we would like to try and be there for you, as David was for so many of us. Please take care of yourself, and if you need us-we are here. Deb

Just wanted to thank you all for your thoughtful cards, my husband is FLOORED at how wonderful you people are!!! He's a bit of a pessimist, but do believe that all of the support that I have received on this message board has got him rethinking the whole "people stink" attitude. He has trust issues...anyway, I really appreciate all of your kind notes and cards, it has helped more than you know. I would love to respond to you each individually, and will try to...just wanted you to know that all of your caring responses on the message board, and the cards, have made this whole thing bearable...I am eternally grateful. Thank you and take care, Debra Harrell.

Berisa, GREAT NEWS, and have a happy new year!!! Hey, I believe I was born in the year of the monkey (1968). I have NO IDEA what that means, but I'm pretty sure I was. Have a great holiday, and let us know how the CT goes!!! Take care, Deb

Sandy, I am so sorry that I didn't see your post until just now...but am praying REAL HARD for scar tissue (did you have any deoderant or anything on when you go the test? I am scheduled for a baseline mammography in two weeks (Just turned 35, so they like you to have one for future comparison), anyway, you probably know that you're not supposed to wear perfume, powder or anything during the mammography, as it will show up. Just thought I'd mention it. At any rate, please keep us posted (I know, I didn't need to ask). And please know that you're in my thoughts=take care, deb

Karma, thank you so much for your earring adventures-and I agree, the bathroom MUST be off limits (sometimes I try NOT to think about my dad if I happen to be changing, as I am afraid that he'll get a feeling I need him and pay me a visit-can spirits go blind??? FRIGHTENING!!! . Take care, Deb

Christy, my dad had difficulty breathing after radiation in the fall-I went with him to the dr. and we saw one of the dr's that I wasn't as crazy about (dr.L), I brought up the possiblility of radiation pneumonosis-his response was something like "...weeelll, he does have lung cancer..." "HE DOES? " DUUHHHhhhh...anyway, his blood oxygen levels were well within normal range, so he didn't qualify for Oxygen, we were all afraid of the fluid building up on the lungs again-and prayed for it NOT to be...the next week when Dad went back and saw Dr. Gold (LOVE HIM!!!) I wrote down for my mom to ask HIM if Dad might have radiation pneumonosis, and the Dr. looked at films, etc. and said, "yep, he's got radiation pneumonosis" and perscribed prednisone (pill form), this not only aided his breathing, but also helped his apetite return a bit-also a HUGE PLUS. Christy, you are SO right, I got the impression that Dr. L just did not want to consider the R.P.-kind of like when you bring your infant to the pediatrician, and say that you think the teething is causing a feaver, and they act like, "teething does NOT cause fever", it just pisses me off. They treat things like folklore or something. Oh, and as far as those step-kids go, One day they will regret not giving the time and the attention that they should to their wonderful father and step-mother!!! I truly believe that 'what goes around, comes around again to bite you in the A$$!!! Take care, and glad to see you around again...deb

Debbie (Budd), thank you for the information-I am sure that it will be of help to many folks here. Now, as far as that "crawling back into the land of lurkdom"malarkie (I have ALWAYS wanted to use that word, somehow it looses its oomf coming out of my 35 year old mouth-, sounds much smarter and sassier coming out of a more mature mouth, I just seem like a doofus , anyway, I digress....)-PLEASE DON'T crawl back to the land of lurkdom! You said it yourself, there must have been a reason that you registered a few days ago, besides, the more people that we have contributing, whether it is information (which you have provided) or just support-the stronger we ALL BECOME!!! We need all of you lurkers out there to please try to make yourselves be known. We would like to know you, and to be there for you if you need-and you might not think you have anything to contribute, but you do! Debbie, you have already been there to provide help to us. So, please Debbie, from one Debi to another, come back to the message board, again and again, and make it 'your home' (OK< OK I fess up, I got that line from those commercials trying to increase tourism in Jamaica-but you get the picture). Take care, and hope to see more posts (no pressure, though ) Deb

Deb

Thank you all SO MUCH for your responses, I can't tell you what a help it was to read them, and NOT FEEL CRAZY! Cathy, you might be receiving signs-try to open your heart andmind to them. I know that something along the lines of lightening would be nice-something obvious and loud, but look for the subtle ones, ones that you might overlook. I bet your Dad is sending them, they might not be majestic, but they are things that might suddenly make you think of your dad...or might appear when you think of him. Ginny, your 2 cents are invaluable, and I feel the same, if we don't share memories, we do our loved ones AND ourselves a great disservice. Ry, thank you, thank you, thank you (I am taking a bow). "Coming soon to the Just for Laughts Forum: Debi in her only appearance at her dads wake and funeral" Keep an eye out for it! J.C., thank you for sharing your experience, my doubts were vanishing as I read your post. Lilyjohn, you are truly inspiring, how you have taken life by the horns, and open your heart and mind to us all, and to your Johnny! Dean, you explained exactly how I feel. I know so surely that my heart is right and that there is a 'heaven', that my dad IS alright and that I WILL see him again, someday. That feeling has given me such peace since Daddy was diagnosed, and, especially, since his death. My dad knew it with all of his heart, and he never doubted...I am tearing down those roadblocks, because the mind is not wise enough to understand-only the heart and the sould can feel it. I can't explain it, except to say that, when I think about Daddy and his death, I feel calm. Serene. I, too, know for a fact. MO, your sharing your Moms experience and the blessing that she gave you by sharing it with you are now a blessing to me. My dad had an experience as a child, he shared it with my sister and I 2 years ago when he was in the hospital and first diagnosed with lung cancer. I then understood why he wasn't afraid, whe he wasn't bitter and why he always had HOPE. His sharing his experience with me was such a blessing to me-as your moms was to you. I am so grateful for it. Oh, and I have decided to allow myself to be content. To not let the brain question what my heart knows. The brain is a useful thing, except for when it comes to matters of faith. For that job, I have FIRED my brain!!! Gail, I am getting that book, thank you for sharing it with us. And also, a toast to you "NO REGRETS!" (clink) cheers! Shelly, I am so sorry for all that you are being dealt. I hope that your stepfather is doing alright, have you gotten any test results back yet? I think about you often, and wonder how you are doing. Please keep us posted, and if you need anything, please PM me. Becky, You are right! I do feel like the time I spend thinking about my dad makes me feel like I am spending time with him! Thank you so much for articulating it, I really hadn't thought of it that way, but you hit the nail right on the head BAM!!!! Thank you! Pam, your orig. post has been such a blessing to me, as it has made me come to terms with my own feelings, something that I was afraid to do. Your writing about thinking you saw your dad really chokedme up,a s I have had similar experiences (my dad had silver/grey hair, too!) And also, you are NOT A DRAMA QUEEN!!! I hope that you keep in touch. Now take a deep breath, WE ARE IN THIS THING TOGETHER!!! Dave, thank you for your kind words., You are so lucky to have heard your father sayt hat he loves you. I am lucky that my dad was very open in sharing his feelings, too. And it is such a beautiful memory to have. Thanks to you all, take care, deb

Carlton, My parents were trying to plan a trip to Arizona to visit some dear friends of theirs-Daddy was never on oxygen-but the onc. said that for the flight, it would definatly be needed. He said that it is difficult to find a flight that will allow oxygen, but you can find one. I would recommend that you check with a travel agent, they will get the right answers from the right people. I did convince my parents to consider Amtrak, is that something that might be possible for you? Take care, and let us know how the plans go. Deb

ALRIGHT!!!!! Good news AND great news!!!!!!!!!! Now thats what I like to hear!!!! Thank you for keeping us posted, David, now get rid of that bronchitis and enjoy that little girl of yours!!! Take care, Deb

Hey, Connie, great news!!! And I am looking forward to your continuing to kick *ss!!!!!!!!! Take care, my friend. Deb

David, thank you so much for letting us know that you are on the way to the ER. Of course prayers and eyes, fingers, legs crossed (although the last part will not be necessary as soon as my little one gets off the 'potty'-does she have to bring the magna doodle in there EVERY TIME!!!) Joking aside, I agree that the ER is your best bet for a better evaluation, and when you find out it was just the flu-you'll feel even better about it. Let us know how it all goes, Deb

Terri, sorry to be greeting you a bit late, but welcome to the family. I agree with all of mi amigos have said in their posts. But what Cathy said really struck a chord with me. Your husband may want to talk more than you think. My dad passed on Dec. 24th and the thing that was of such a comfort to my mom is that they talked ALOT. About what his wishes were, about what he wanted us to do-about what his beliefs were. I am grateful to have had a couple of those chats with Daddy, myself. You see, he had such a strong faith in God, and he really felt that he would be alright, and sharing his beliefs with us ended up being a HUGE HELP as we try to 'get on' with life. At first, both of my parents wanted to talk about the 'if he dies' question, but neither would bring it up, in fear of upsetting the other. Then one day, they just started to talk about it. And they were both so glad that they could open the lines of communication. But let me tell you that, until the moment he died, my father had hope. Hope that a clinical trial would accept him and that it just might be the answer for him-even if it just got him more time. So, hope is very important. So, come here whenever you need to. As the wise DaveG said, rant, cry, ask questions, pound your keyboard-we can take it. We're here for you, and you and your husband Jim are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care, Deb

Tammy, I am glad that you decided to log on. I am so sorry you have lost your mom. I wish there were some magic words that I could say to help you. Just that we are here to try and help you through this thing. I hope that you find a way to enjoy your wedding day, I know that you probably know that your mom would want you to, but I guess that it dosn't make it easier. When I was getting married my sister made the ring bearers pillow out of our mothers wedding dress-my mom is still with us, it is my dad that recently passed. But I was thinking, that if there were something that you could carry with you on that day, something that would somehow make you feel that your mother is close by and feel her presance. Just a thought. You are in my thoughts, and I hope you continue to come here. Deb

Ginny, first let me say that I, too, sometimes think it would be nice to be 'blissfully unaware', but then someone has to be on top of things, sorry that you have to be that one. but I bet because you are the one on top of things, that is why The Duke CAN sit back and relax...he knows that his beloved Ginny is there to be sure he is being taken care of-and that is good. Now, with regard to the jacuzzi, WOW am I jealous...you see my husband gutted our full bath in, lets see, some math skills are involved here-September 2002 - so that it could be '"done in time for Thanksgiving"-he is doing the work himself, THEN in July 2003 he re-sided our house, built a semi-inground pool with deck (yes, he dug the hole and installed the pool himself), new windows, the works...and the bathroom is now ALMOST DONE. We have been using the 1/2 bath (shower stall) since it was all started (yes, my 5 and 3 year olds have been showering for over a year!) I am so glad that you and Earl can get out every friday, sorry you had to cut the evening short-but still, it is good. I hope that you find out more info. and that the Iressa "does its Magic!". In the meantime, everyone needs a party now and again...sometimes its a fun party, and sometimes its a pity party. To get through it you have to let it all out! Please take care, and we're with you. Deb

Pam, I also feel that much of your post could have been written by me. Although, the only weird thing for me is that I never ask why. I guess I have always believed that our whole purpose here on earth is to get though it together. I used to work with people with severe developmental disabilites, and one day my mom asked why God would allow people to be born with such handicaps, I had never thought of that, really, before. Because, to me, it is to be sure that those who do not suffer with such disabilites-take care of those that have them. Now, I always thought I was a negative person, I guess because I used to shave my head, listen to punk music and wear black ALL THE TIME, but actually, that was all external. Internally, I never realized that I do have alot of faith. But, this has been the tricky part for me. Because I keep wondering if I have faith merely because it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Because it makes life somewhat more bearable. So, I then think too much and then tourture myself with the whole "proof" thing...I'm sure MANY of you have done the same thing, the whole "give me a sign" thing. I feel that I've been making this request of my Dad or God or ANYONE to 'show me the money', I believe that if I had a penny for every time since Dads death that I have asked for a "sign" that the whole 'spirit' thing and the whole heaven thing is true, I'd be able to pay off the national debt and have enough money to buy my own private island where we can build a vacation getaway for the whole LCMB family. There are times that Daddys death just hits me like it just happened and I cry until I can't cry anymore...but most of the time I kind of feel like hes not gone, like I can, somehow, feel his presance. Then my logical side screws up that good feeling with the whole "so, maybe this is what denial is" thing. THEN I GET UPSET, Its like I have to force myself to realize that I won't be able to see or hug my dad again. Its so weird. I miss my dad, and yet I don't feel like he's gone, so I don't always miss him the way that I think I should. I always hated and never believed in the 'denial' card and now here I am, filling myself with self-doubt over my own feelings-I have never been more confused in my life. Gee, this post must be really helping you. I guess my point, and I do have one, is, follow your gut. If you're upset or angry, let it out-if your having a good day, allow it. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel, and give yourself time to get used to all of this. I think that Dean put it best-and a LOT less wordy than me -there are no words that will help to ease the pain, so, lets just all sit quietly together-and take a breath. Take care, Pam. Deb

Glad that Mom and Dad and little Faith are doing well. A little 'Faith' is a wonderful thing, isn't it? Glad that you kept us updated, sorry I didn't post sooner-but just know you guys are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care, family, Deb

Oh, Norme, I am so sorry you and buddy have to go through this thing. I must admit, the first thing that I thought of when reading your post was the nutrition thing. Lack of food and especially dehydration can do a major job on not only ones body, but mind. I hope that you can get some nutrition into him, but I remember from my dad that when he couldn't eat, he couldn't eat. Had the doctor recommended getting him to the er just to get him hydrated and some nutrition into him? I know that it is probably the LAST thing you and he want to do, but it might help. Please let us know how things are going, keep us posted and also know that you are not alone, we are with you in spirit. Deb ps. I am p.m. you my number, if you need ANYTHING. Deb