Elaine
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Posts posted by Elaine
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Debi
Great news!
We missed you in chat.
See you soon!
elaine
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I may be blonde, but I know if there's a bear outside my tent, I ain't puttin' on my sneakers. That flash you saw was me getting a head start on Frank!
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Three preachers and their wives were killed in a car accident, upon their arrival at the pearly gates, they were met by St. Peter.
The first preacher walked up and said" Hello St. Peter, I'm ready to come in."
St. Peter checked his list and said" I'm sorry your name is not in the book."
"What!" exclaimed the preacher," I have been a preacher for thirty years!" "Yes" replied St. Peter,"However,you are guilty of glutteny, you loved food and sweets so much you even married a woman named Candy."
The pastor,defeated took his wifes hand and walked away.
The next preacher came up to the St. feeling pretty certain he would be allowed in. "I'm ready to come in St. Peter" he said with a smile."I'm sorry, your name is not in the book." "HOw can that be?" asked the preacher, "I have been a pastor for 20 years!" You are guilty of the sin of greed, you loved money so much, you married a woman named Penny."
Defeated, the preacher took his wifes hand and walked away.
The last preacher, certain of the out-come, turned to his wife and said, "Come on Fanny, I'm not gettin' in."
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Frank boards an airplane, and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "So where are you flying to today?"
She turns and smiles, and says, "To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention, in Chicago."
He swallows hard, and is instantly CRAZED with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to him, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "And what's your role at this convention?"
She flips her hair back, turns to him, locks onto his eyes and says, "Well, I try to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really" he says, swallowing hard. "And what myths are those?"
She explains, "Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who romance women best, on average."
"Very interesting," Frank responds.
Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed, and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I feel so awkward discussing this with you, and I don't even know your name."
Frank extends his hand and replies, "Tonto... Tonto Goldstein."
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Here's what I was thinking: Something like Recipes for Hope
Combined recipies, stories of survivors, memorial, wisdom/lessons learned pictures etc. Anyway am I making sense?
Becuase of the way that books are bound, each "family" would have 4 pages (front/back front/back)--to raise money for this, each family that participated would maybe pay a set fee.
The good thing about this is that if it's done in a certain way, pages can continued to be added each year. As long as the first print run is low enough not to have oodles of extras.
Any thoughts!
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Frank's lawn
Frank and Bruce were standing at a road junction. They spotted a truck carrying aload of rolled up lawn turf.
Frank says to Bruce, "Aye thats what I'm going to do when I win the lottery"
Bruce says, "What's that Frank?"
Frank replies "Send my grass away for cutting."
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Frank
Old Frank went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "Frank, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?" Frank replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! the light goes on when I pee, and then poof! the light goes off when I'm done." "Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "That's incredible!"
A little later in the day Dr. Smith called Frank's wife. He told her that Frank was just fine. Physically he's great. "But I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom and then poof! the light goes off?", the Doctor asked.
Frank's wife exclaimed, "That old fool! He's peeing in the refrigerator again!".
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Frank Pretends he's a Fireman
A fireman came from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we
have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we all
put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell
3 rings and we're ready to go on the trucks."
"From now on," he said, "we're going to run this house the same way."
"When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, I want
you to jump into bed. When I say Bell 3, we're going to make love all
night."
The next night the fireman came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!"
and his wife took off her clothes. "Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed.
"Bell 3," and they began to make love. After two minutes his wife yelled,
"Bell 4!"
"What the hell is Bell 4?" the husband asks.
"Roll out more hose," she replied, "you're nowhere near the fire!"
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Frank's Smart Cat
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.
Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right
again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a b@#$ on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"
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The thing about cookbooks is that they have to have an "angle"--a theme, or something that sets them apart from others. Anyone for brainstorming???
elaine
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I think that's a great idea, Kitkathi!
Anyone else want to do this?
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Frank
That's exactly it! When I concentrate on breathing, I don't "hold my breath"! So I wonder why I am doing it at other times? Maybe our new PHD nurse knows! I am going to ask her if this is a symotom or a bad habit!
Thanks Frank!
elaine
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Frank-- Attack snakes and mosquitoes
We know one thing you got that aint gonna attack me! ( Sorry all, he made this one too easy for me to resist!) love ya Frank!
elaine
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Katha,
This is your sister with two left hands both all thumbs! Thanks for doing this and this post kicks it back up!
elaine
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Cindi
First, let me say that even if your Dr doesn't understand why you called, I sure do. What I don't understand is her!
I'll be keeping you in my thoughts today, and hoping for the best!
love and fortitude
elaine
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Melinda
You all are in my thoughts and prayers.
love and fortitude
elaine
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Bill,
When did your wife last have a CT of the abdomen, including the adrenals? And are you sure she's not dehydrated? I was checking into something today and saw that the eye swelling could be related to a secondary endocrine(sp) disorder. You might check the other symptoms to make sure she has none of those symptoms. I am not trying alarm you, because endrocine disorders can be caused by something other than mets. And I also read that both adrenal function would have to be pretty low to have symptoms--But I am not a DR. Maybe she has had her ACH levels checked recently, too. Don't know if it is standard with her bloodwork or not.
Wishing all the bad stuff would disappear!
elaine
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Too late, Frank, LOL. Anyways, I have been on the Mapquest site all day--not to find the distance between here and Florida and here and the moon, but to find the distance between here and Pittsburg!
I'm coming after you! You can run butcha can't hide!
PS. I am running low on jokes myself
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A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California.
Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump.
"What can I do for ya'll?" asks the Frank, the attendant. "Fill `er up with high test," replies the driver.
While the Frank is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down.
"What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before."
"Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "this, my boy is a 1999 Cadillac DeVille."
"What all's it got in it?" asks Frank.
"Well," says the driver, "it has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, a 8.8 liter V12 engine."
"Wow," says Frank, "that's really something!"
"How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" asks the driver.
"That'll be $30.17," .
The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees.
"What are those little wooden things?" asks Frank.
"That's what I put my balls on when I drive," says the driver.
"Wow," says Frank, "those Cadillac people think of everything!"
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This is the clincher for September !
elaine
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Tammi
I tried to be more gentle with my advice, but if your read between my lines, I am saying exactly what Becky, Frank, Jen and TeeTea are saying. You know you have a wonderful chance of beating your illness, so why threaten that chance by getting some other one?
There are dry cleaners and meals that young people can make and Even husbands!
Pls do not wait for this to get better. They won't. You have a whole life ahead of you!
elaine
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Tami
As you probably know in your heart, this situation is outrageous. You need to have a talk with your new husband and let him know what you are telling us. I fear most of all that your children are suffering from not having enough time with you, which in the end, Tami, IS THE most important thing in the whole world. Believe me, there is NO way to get time back! Middle school is a tough time and an important time. I don't know the whole story about your financial situation but you need to think that through and decided what is most important--about every aspect of your life. I can't really understand how if you just got married you would need to have a second job, since now there are two incomes. I am not being judgemental, I truly empathize with you. I think the two of you have some decisons to make and I hope you find the answers you need for all of you.
love and fortitude
elaine
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CATLETTE'S SOLILOQUY
To go outside, Or to remain within:
That is the question
Whether 'tis better for a cat to suffer
The cuffs and buffets of inclement weather
That Nature rains on those who roam abroad,
Or take a nap upon a scrap of carpet,
And by so dozing melt the solid hours
That clog the clock's bright gears with sullen time
and stall the dinner bell.
To sit, to stare
Outdoors, and by a stare to seem to state
A wish to venture forth without delay,
Then when the portal's opened up, to stand
As if transformed by doubt.
To prowl; to sleep;
To choose not knowing when we may once more
Our readmittance gain: aye, there's the hairball;
For if paw were shaped to turn a knob,
Or work a lock or slip a window-catch,
And going out and coming in were made
as simple as the breaking of a bowl,
What cat would bear the household's petty plagues
The cook's well-practiced kicks, the butler's broom,
The infant's careless pokes, the tickled ears,
The trampled tail, and all the daily shocks
That fur is heir to, when, of his own free will,
He might his exodus or entrance make
With a mere mitten?
Who would spaniels fear,
Or strays trespassing from a neighbor's yard,
But that the dread of our unheeded cries
And scratches at a barricaded door
No claw can open up, dispels our nerve
And makes us rather bear our humans' faults
Than run away to unguessed miseries?
Thus caution doth make house cats of us all;
And thus the bristling hair of resolution
Is softened up with the pale brush of thought,
And since our choices hinge on weighty things,
We pause on the threshold of decision.
~Shakespaw~
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Supposedly I dont have an effusion. It's not really pain I feel, and I cant' describe it other than like I am being forced to hold my breath.
Once in my thirties I was dxed with hypervenilation syndrome, so I thought I was having that again so I didn't want to bring it up. It is sort of like that feeling (or the same, I don't remember) but the discomfort is clearly in the lung with the cancer.
I am hoping it's not a reason to go on Oxygen after all, even though we all know that Dean says it's not that bad.
elaine
We know one thing you got that aint gonna attack me! ( Sorry all, he made this one too easy for me to resist!)
Snowflake 2000
in GENERAL
Posted
Be careful! Too much warm and fuzzy could melt our Snowflake! We need her too much!
love you
elaine