Dear Cheryl,
When do you see your onc? The sooner, the better so you can have some answers. I totally agree that you will feel better when you have a plan of attack.
Meanwhile can you do anything to take your mind off it - even for just a little while? Things that work for me: trashy magazines, rented movies, or even dumb games on the internet - my favs are Zuma and Collapse at MSN.
I've also been doing some Reiki sessions. After a session, I have alot more emotional energy to deal with this stinking disease. I'm also a very strong believer in the visualization of wiping out the invading predators.
I'm saying prayers for you.
Jane