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I am lost


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It will only be 3 weeks on Friday that my loving husband was taken from me by this monster desease, I am so lost with out him I cry all the time and I cant sleep, I miss him so much. I have been doing all the paper work that has to be done to get my finances in order and they sure dont make that easy, I have to go through his stuff yet and I just cant do that right now. My 3 sons and I miss him so much and the grand kids do to the little one comes through the door and all he can say is papa and papa is not here, my 3 year old grand daughter just says she wants her papa back and cries, it is just so hard right now, my brother Don who has lung cancer was with me when Rich passed away and I hope it has not brought him down, he went back to West Virginia the day of the funeral and he hasnt called me I am so worried about him now, I will call tomorrow to check on him. (((((((((((((((I HATE CANCER))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Charolette

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We all hate this damn disease and what it has done to our families.

Can you get any help with the finances? Do any of your sons live close enough and have enough knowledge to help? For me, that part was not hard. I took a binder full of stuff to Becky's office and worked there, and it was sad, but it was nice to be around her things there. And see our friends. But I am a CPA, so the mechanics of it were pretty easy. But feel free to outsource.

Be sure to spend time around those grandkids. Their needs are immediate, and so you cannot just take a day off when they are there. They need you, so keep 'em underfoot as much as you can.

And do consider getting some help for the depression. It is natural, and it doesn't sound like anything extreme. The one thing I have noticed about my therapist is that it is such an artificial relationship and there can be such trust. But the main thing is that she is not grieving, too. All of my friends and family and classmates grieve along with me, and it is nice to have an outlet that is not. So I would consider that, too.

Please keep us posted, and your family is in our prayers.


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Oh Char sweetie, I am only a few weeks ahead of you and I know what you are going through.

The paperwork is never ending and I am still working on it. And you are right, they do not make it easy - at least I now know what a medallion guarantee is.

The emotional part is overwhelming. I miss Earl every second of every minute. Sometimes I just feel like my heart is breaking, like it is collapsing in on itself. But we have to go forward. I know neither your husband nor mine would want us to be unable to be happy and live our lives. I will always love Earl, and I will always miss him. I don't like life without him.

I try hard not to overburden my family and friends with my grief or they will eventually tune me out. They need to believe that I am moving forward and happy and I can sometimes convince myself that I am. So play acting is not all bad.

Give yourself some time. Time stinks (wrinkles, bad knees, etc) but it does help ease the pain. At least it better or those wrinkles were for naught.

You are in my thoughts Char.


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I'm 3 months (as of 10/14) of losing my husband and hate to tell you this but I'm still working on paperwork too! Maybe you were blessed with more organizational skills than me but I just keep finding more things to deal with. I'm reaching the end of my paperwork purgatory and so hang in there. Sometimes I felt "glad" to have it to do - because it was something to do. Otherwise I would have sat my butt on the couch and done nothing. I guess we just have to ride this out. I miss my husband terribly and want to remember exactly what it felt like to reach out and touch his leg when we were in the car. He had great legs. Big, strong manly legs! What a hunk he was. I know you're having a hard time - thanks for posting - it's good to know others that are out there that feel the same way. It makes the world seem not quite so large and alone.

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Hi Ladies,

I am so sad too, I am two weeks behind Joni, it will be three months for me on 10/31 and it seems like last week. I have a hard time also, for some reason, in the car! A song will come on that he loved or reminds me of Rob and the tears start flowing. I bawl my eyes out, and I hope no one sees me going down the road crying. Oh well, I don't really care what they think. I just cry whenever I get the urge, which sometimes is all the time. Its not so bad when I have someone here with me. I watch my grandkids after school till mom picks them up, but after that I am all alone to have my own little pity party. I have let it out a lot!! I wonder how long its going to take for the grief to subside enough so I might feel normal again? :roll: ! My cat sleeps with me at night, right next to my pillow on the edge of the bed. It seems like she knows I am lonely and she is there to keep me company. I also have a remodeling business, which I am getting more involved in. It really helps to stay busy, I think its the only thing that keeps me from going crazy right now. Well, I feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one going thru this nightmare either! God Bless you all! :( Tess

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You know, December 15th will mark two years since I lost my beloved husband, Dennis. I have to stop and make myself believe that it has really been that long, as it often seems like only yesterday. The pain still feels so "fresh" at times. It all starts to flood back in my mind and any and all progress I have made toward stepping forward in life seems to vanish. I have all of you that have recently lost a spouse in my prayers. I know how hard this is and what each of you is going through. We just have to be strong and rely on our faith to get us through. Each of us learned some valuable lessons from our partners and now we can put those lessons into use. I agree that this paperwork is overwhelming and one just gets to the point of throwing up your hands. Keeping you in my prayers!!!

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Hi,,,, I am a little over 3 yrs out, and I still have bad days. I went from my home to my dads to caregive for him, a couple months after Bill passed away. Dad needed me and that was it. My grown girls are still a bit put out that I left, but they had their own families and agendas. I guess I didnt have time to grieve, going right on to care for dad, but it sure has hit me in the last 6 months or so. I miss Bill so much. I think I was in a fog, but reality does hit, sooner or later. What I want to say here, is that I think a widow really doesnt recover from the death of a spouse. She learns to cope with the death of a spouse. and hopefully move into another phase of her life. The phrase " moves on",, somehow bothers me. To me that phrase sort of negates a life that we had with our spouses.

Just my thoughts on this,,, oh yeah I disliked the paperwork too.

Peace and blessings to all of you........Annjael

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