teresag Posted November 25, 2004 Share Posted November 25, 2004 Karen, The many responses to your post speak volumes! Others understand your pain, and I hope that helps ease it a tiny bit. As far as the depression, you have clearly done the right thing: get treatment. The biggest mistake made by people with clinical depression, in my opinion, is to wait until things become unbearable before seeing their therapist. Keep fighting the battle! And best of luck to you and David. - Teresa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted November 28, 2004 Author Share Posted November 28, 2004 thanks everyone. excuse any typos, am typing this with faith in my lap. she is pretending we are driving somewhere, out to eat I think (haha, good girl) andrea, yes, worrying about the fluid was the tip of the iceburg, along with a few other little family matters that I won't mention here. knowing the fluid didn't have cancer cells did help, with the cardiologist and the sugeon both acting like it was a done deal, had to be cancer in there, that really worried me. Teresa, question, once you have had clinical depression are you considered to always be a depession patient, just like once you have cancer, you're always a cancer patient? 'cause I was supposed to be "cured", ha, and my shrink felt that if I felt the depession creeping back I would be able to identify it and nip it in the bud, I guess it has been creeping back and I've just been too busy to notice and then wham there it is . . . . anyway, thanks everyone for the support and especially the understanding. in many ways I do understand how lucky we are, I mean, dave is in the kitchen right now cooking breakfast, for that I am grateful, that he is able to do that. I am grateful that my mother is still alive and despite what she is going through, that my dad still takes the time to be with Dave in the hospital as much as he can . . . and that my father cares and loves dave that much . . . anyway, blessed Sunday to eveyone! Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 dear Karen, I am so glad to see you posting this morning. So much to be grateful for is right. The stigma associated with clinical depression is finally lifting in our society and people are able to get help. What a wonderful world. Just knowing that help is available to me when I am really down gives me a boost that everything is going to be all right. Having a trusted therapist who "gets it" makes a difference. As soon as the appointment is made or the return phone call comes in, I have hope that I will survive this too. How 'bout you? What restaurant did you girls drive to? Let me guess....A place with nuggets and a happy meal with a toy? yum yum. Keep up your courageous battle, Karen. hey.. you could put saran wrap around the edge of the toilet that would have to be removed in order to get the job done without splashing someone's legs....? There have to be ways around a wet seat or falling in... Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chloesmom Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 One of the most profound things I've heard said about this disease was, "There's a lot of fear and anger associated with this disease." (thank you Nancy B.) She sent me that in a note when I was in one of my meltdowns over lung cancer and breast cancer and tamoxifen and whatever else was going wrong that day. There is so much truth to that statement and, at least with me, my fear sometimes looks like anger and my anger sometimes looks like fear. Of course I hate that my family and friends have to be the whipping post for my outrage and my fear over all this (just figuratively speaking), but they are the people I know. I saw a therapist when things were really bad and that helped a lot. I also took anti-depressants for a while and they helped a lot. I now have a much better frame of mind, but I'm not currently having any treatments or anything that works on me physically and emotionally. I don't know what it feels like to be the caregiver---I'm sure it's tough, especially when there are other things to take care of--in your case Karen, work, child, long commute, now selling the house and moving and still the sick husband, work, child and long commute. I do know what it feels like to be the person with cancer, and it's tough. It's terrible, it's frustrating, it makes you angry, it makes you rage at things that are really wrong, and things that you just think are wrong at that given moment. I'm not trying to beat up on the caregivers here, please don't misunderstand. I appreciate my family, friends, the people here on the board, and all the caregivers of the world more than you could ever imagine. I do like the Don Wood approach best.....he said he lets Lucie know when he's heard enough and then she stops. That sounds reasonable to me. "There's a lot of fear and anger associated with this disease." It's funny, until she actually wrote that and I read it, fear and anger were not something I was recognizing as an ongoing problem of a cancer survivor...Now that I realize that, I think I can handle it better. Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted November 30, 2004 Author Share Posted November 30, 2004 I'm still not doing so well. I feel like I'm gasping for breath. not literally, figuratively. see the shrink in three hours. I can hold on until then! Karen C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 Karen I hope the doctor was able to help. You have every right to not be doing so well considering all of the stressors you have! Please let us know how it went today Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 For the first six months of my therapy, I literally cried the whole time. It was a safe place to let go. I also went on anti-depressents and have stayed on them- 3 1/2 years later. My zoloft and I will not be separated. When a new doctor is taking my history, they usually say, "Are you on the soloft because of the cancer? We're you depressed from the diagnosis?" My answer is DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just look at what you have been through. How many people can't even handle the little stresses in life? I know how many years I spent smiling on the outside and RAGING on the inside. gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted December 1, 2004 Author Share Posted December 1, 2004 I feel much better today! We just got started, really, but I was able to realize my mistakes and that is a good starting point for managing the stress better. I had forgotten the golden rule of clinical depression, so to speak - to not act aggressively but assertively, so I'm going to work on that. whew, I feel like I can breathe again. it's funny, but I had to fill out a checklist of anxiety symptoms and I had about 1/3 of them without even realizing it. oh, is that why my knees are wobbly? is that why sometimes I feel like I'm choking? I just assumed it was because I'm out of shape. but then I realized it's not a physical thing. Yes, I've been on anti depressants for years, I tried to stop at one point but after my cousin committeed suicide I decided I needed to just stay on them. it's too hard to keep that chemical imbalance, balanced, on my own! I will continue seeing her for some time, for nothing else, I need the perspective. the objective perspective. oh, by the way, someone I know, knows her, and she'd heard about Dave's cancer. but she hadn't heard about my mom's cancer. so before I even got the chance to tell her about that, she told me that no matter what anyone else thought, she thought I was Superwoman, and on a scale of 1 to 10 in handling the situation, she gave me a 10! Thanks everyone, for the support! Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 wow Karen, I would stay with that therapist for sure. A 10 is the best score. She has lots and lots of confidence in your capabilities. As do I. I think that you are doing a bang up job. So glad your appointment date arrived.. going and knowing you are going to be helped can make all the difference in the world. You are so brave and insightful to tackle all of this head-on. I am proud of you for not running from it. Love, Cindi o'h Together WE heal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K and Kids Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 Oh Karen, my heart goes out to you and the prayers are coming your way. It just seems like this whole dealing with cancer thing is overwhelming without throwing other stuff into the mix. Take care of yourself. It is good that you have a concerned professional to help you get a handle on your whirl wind life. I can't understand fully what you are up against but I certainly wish the best for you, David and your little girl. With love and prayers, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted December 2, 2004 Author Share Posted December 2, 2004 Man oh man, someone, or some group of people, at work, gave me a gift certificate to a spa, a full body massage was suggested . . . I can't get anyone to fess up to being Santa but I think it was collectively my co-workers. so I just sent around a big thank email you to the mystery Santa and asked everyone if they knew Santa personally to thank him for me. how nice- how needed - now I gotta find time to use it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Karen, Sounds like just the thing -- MAKE THE TIME!!! You have to plan YOU time as a priority as well, to stay well! XOXOXOXOX MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 Karen, A massage will do you a world of good! You certainly deserve it; what a month you have had. Just one major suggestion from me: Do NOT drive home in any sort of rush hour traffic afterwards or all the good will come undone. Learned that lesson last year. Try to find a way to go have a bite to eat or a relaxing cup of tea afterwards so the effects will be longer lasting. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 Go for the massage! I used to be a massage therapist (my avocation after vocation) and it really works to relax body, mind and emotions, and also improves muscle tone, blood circulation and immune system. Go for it, gal! Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Karen, Sorry for the late reply, but hoping and wishing all will go well, sending some prayers on the way. J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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