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Christmas Eve


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I can't believe it's really Christmas Eve. I know the calendar says it's December 24th but how can that be? How can we have Christmas without Robert? It' seems so unfair. I know my husband is in Heaven and I know he is okay but we're not. We miss him. I miss him making his spinach dip and dressing. I miss him having to run out at the last minute to buy one more gift. I miss his worrying if Alex had enough gifts for Christmas, hopinghe wouldn't be disappointed.

This year is so empty without him.

Robert, honey, Merry Christmas. We love you and miss you. I know we will see you again someday. Please keep an eye on Alex - he's growing so fast and turning out to be just like you. (Thank God).

Our love to you from ground to God.

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I feel the same way, Joni.

Katie was so excited at Santa coming. This morning, she perked right up in bed and told me that Santa was coming tonight. And then she started telling me that he was loading his gigantic bag, and feeding his reindeer, and getting his suit on to get ready for the big trip. This is the first year she has been excited about all of that.

Tonight, she was in the impromptu Christmas pageant at church. They have the kids come to the back before church and they can pick out a costume, and the preacher reads the second chapter of Luke, and the kids come up on cue. (And they threw in the wise men from Matthew. So we had four shepherds for one sheep, and four wise men, which seemed a little weird. Gaspar, Melcior, Balthasar, and Larry, I guess. Katie wanted to be an angel, she told me, because Mommy is an angel. Which made me cry like a faucet. But she was a beautiful little angel.


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I know what you mean Joni. I lost my husband to NSCL on Sept. 30 and I can't believe he wasnt here for Christmas. I got through it but barely. I put the presents under the tree for our 3 children but there didnt seem like there were that many. And, I then realized that John's werent there. Its all the little things that are just making me nauseated. We read the paper together, had coffee, watched the news, discussed our books we were reading. Just little things. I cant hardly grocery shop because he loved it. I cant seem to eat again. On xmas, I got upset when my brother wanted to take a family picture. I got through it but I almost had to run away in sobs. How could he think of such a thing now? I know its not his fault but... Anyway, I did suffer a major setback with these holidays. I need to get back to one day at a time. Carolyn

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I know what you mean! I did "good" until my brother in-law opened the "traditional gift" from my dad - a box of shells and his hunting/fishing license for the year. That was one thing my dad always got Robert and Jack. It was a yearly tradition. It just hit hard. Also, this is stupid, but each and every year - we always sat in the same place opening our Christmas gifts - me on one end of the couch, Robert on the other. This year - for whatever reason, my nephew sat in my spot forcing me to sit in Robert's. Stupid huh? Some reason felt odd. Maybe thinking about it, it was a good thing - no empty spot on the couch, just in our hearts.

Today has been insane trying to "take down" Christmas trees, lights, decorations. I'm exhausted. The only thing I couldn't get down are the lights the go up on the high part of the roof. I'll call out my friend to take those down - he's young and can do it easily. Other than that everything in thehouse is back to normal except the office is full of empty boxes. Guess I'll work on that tomorrow.

Alex and I have played some pool and had a few laughs. He's a strong one.

Well, it's over. Thank God. Now I've got to get through Alex's 9th birthday and New Years Eve. Good luck to us all.

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Christmas for me was not as hard as I thought it might be. For me it's more the everyday stuff that's hard. But the one thing that was hard was that my Mom had gotten some shopping done in those last couple weeks. And I was the designated wrapper for my Dad's gifts from Mom. What to put on the tags???? I sat there for the longest time just stunned. Unable to think of anything appropriate. Everything I wanted to use was sure to have everyone dissolving into tears so I left it blank and made my brother come up with something. Wow!


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I'm glad you had an easier time - I'm sorry you had to deal with the gifts from your mom though - I bet that was gut wrenching.

My husband had bought something quite a few months before he died for my sister - from a school fundraiser - when it came time for her birthday I couldn't bear to give it to her that day but waited until the next.

This is just a crappy time. Glad Christmas is over.

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