thanks everyone

[Remembering Dave]

for everyone who participated, if you want to call it that, in my post yesterday, everything is OK now. well, not really OK, but somewhat settled down.

My concerns about Dave still exist. I still don't like having a gun in the house, but it looks like it's going to stay. But at least his mother and I are now on the same page about most issues. Now if we can just get Dave out of his funk and move forward, as she and I have agreed to do. Again, I'm really worried about him, and I'm worried about me. I fight the depression demons every day and all the stress I'm under has been putting me at a disadvantage with that.

Maybe one reason I posted was because everyone says they don't see how I do it. Well, the truth is, I don't "do it" very well at all. I'm terrible at it. Yeah, I go to work, yeah, I manage to get Faith fed, dressed and bathed. Yeah, I try to be a wife or a companion to Dave, and I do stay on top of his treatment and medical issues. But I'm barely doing any of it, and most of it pretty poorly.

But hopefully things will be OK now. Maybe we'll get our house sold this weekend and the financial stress and the commuting stress will go away. we'll see.

Karen

[nancy c]

karen--NO! NO! NO!--you do it very well!! just having all those roles to play and go on everyday is a miracle!! you are doing it and you're damn good at it!!! Stop-don't do that to yourself. The caregiver is the absolute saint.!!! David couldn't do all this treatment road with out you!! take care-give yourself some extra TLC! god bless,nancy c

[Treebywater]

exactly--the fact that you continue to put one foot in front of the other and walk in all of those roles is phenomenal...

You are doing a GREAT JOB by just waking up and showing up every day!

(((hugs)))

Val

[shelliemacs]

the last time I checked for it, I could not find a hand book on how to "do it" the handbook on being a mom, being a cancer caregiver, being the supportive wife of a sick husband and the supportive daughter of a sick mom. Well I just have not seen those copies in my local book store.

So were all flying by the seat of our pants here and in whatever you are doing, well then I guess thats how its done.

there are no rules to follow or instructions that tell us how to deal, cope, get through this, live, work, laugh all while trying to stay alive.

stop being so hard on yourself, take a bow once in a while for what you have and continue to do. pat yourself on the back if you need approval. Love thyself first.

someone said that, i am not sure who.

[K and Kids]

Karen,

Don't beat yourself up about "I don't "do it" very well at all. I'm terrible at it." You are dealing with an awesome amount of life changing issues and the fact that you are "dealing" with them certainly proves that you are courageous, devoted, caring, strong and downright amazing! And there are many more adjectives that would appropriately describe the person you are). I can't imagine being in your shoes and I guess the point is that you are doing the very best with all that is being thrown at you. There is no manual written about how to do all you are doing in this situation. I'm glad that you have a place to come and 'vent' when you have to and that you are your MIL are on the same page.

God Bless you and continue to give you strength and comfort.

[Fay A.]

ahem...excuse me...you forgot being the daughter-caretaker of a mother with gastric cancer and mets.

I'm glad you're okay today. Praying for you all.

[Connie B]

Karen,

There is one thing I learned when going through being a caregiver. You need to take a break for yourself. (what ever that takes) Be it go away for a weekend, or stay with a friend for a few days, if only to get a second wind.

I know your mother-in-law and father-in-law are camped in your back yard, and are helping with Faith, and household duties, and supporting there son and trying to help you through these rough spots as well. God love 'em my dear, you at least have some help. I know other's that have NO ONE! And that really breaks my heart.

I know how stressful all this can be, I did it with my mom, dad, and sister. NOT FUN! But, I had to take a break and go away for a few days now and then just to get through the tough times. IT WORKED!

ONE DAY AT A TIME! And in some cases, ONE MINUTE AT A TIME! Your not in this alone. I'm sure his family is suffering as well. I know as a mother, it's very hard for me to see my daughter sick, and I can't imagine what it's like to be a mom and see your child go through what David is going through as well as his family. If only we could put a bandaide on all this and make it go away. That's what mom's & dad's really want to do.

I'm also sure that David is feeling like a BIG PAIN IN THE BUTT these days, feeling no self worth, and like a burden. I know I did when I went through my journey. It is sooooo painful for us survivors to see what our families go through. We feel AWEFUL, or worse then AWEFUL!

Please know, that as a cancer survivor this isn't at all what we want our loved ones to have to go through. WE LOVE our families, but we're scared out of our minds knowing our loved one's hurt so bad and we can't fix that. And we scared out of our minds that we're going to die! It's a fear I can NOT explain, but I can say, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I hope David comes back to the board to get some Support from the rest of us Survivor's. Please let him know he is also welcome to email us if he needs an ear. Sometimes it's not always easy sharing our thoughts and fears, when our family members are within reach. We honestly don't want to our families in anymore pain then we already have.

I Honestly hope things will settle down for all of you. BABY STEPS!!

David, Please hear me REACHING OUT FOR YOU! My hand it extended out to you, and I know what your going through! Please let us walk with you.

Please try hard to be kind to one another. (((DAVID, KAREN & FAITH))))))

Much Support,

Connie

[Patkid]

Just prayers, you guys, for strength and comfort and gentleness.

Love

Pat and Brian

[lindseysmom]

Karen,

My heart goes out to you. Please don't beat yourself up. I am sure you are doing the very best you can, and probally better than most. You are one of the most caring people on this board. So I know you are a wonderful caregiver. Connie is right you do need some time for yourself. It is not being selfish. You need to take care of yourself, so you can take care of your family.

Best Wishes,

Dee

[Don Wood]

I am very uneasy about a gun in the house, especially where someone is frequently depressed and on much meds. I would see that the gun was removed.

[Kel M]

Hi Karen,

I just wanted to write a quick note of encouragement to you. Please don't think that you're doing everything - poorly. You're doing your best in what is a very difficult situation - believe me, I understand!!!

Know that you are giving everything you possibly can - some days it will be more and others less - in the end, we must as caregivers strive to take a little time for ourselves (and for our sanity!).

The love you have for Dave and your daughter shines through clearly - it truly does. Hope your house sells this weekend!

Hang in there.

Kel

[rogfam]

Karen, I haven't been here in a while and I'm not caught up on the situation, but I do want to tell you that you are doing a fine job, God is with you, when you think you can't go anymore, He'll be there, picking you up, encouraging you. It may be in the littlest things, like a butterfly or a rainbow after a storm... When we think we can't go anymore, we somehow do, with Him, all things are possible.

(((hugs to you and the family))) and prayers too.

Christy

[gail p-m]

Karen--

I really don't have anything more to add to what the others have said so eloquently. I can't imagine in my wildest dreams coping with what you're going through. And just the fact that you get up each day and get through it says so much about the person you are. As others have said, you need a "rest" or "getaway" to recharge your batteries. I know no one who deserves it more. My words seem so inadequate for what you are coping with.

Prayers for all of you.

Gail p-m