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hurting


kimblanchard

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hi, i am having a hard time. My dad passed away on March 3, 3 months ago, and well it's been quite the hellish ride since then. I've had good days and bad days but dad's memorial service is on June 18th and lately i'm just getting really bad. I am getting depressed and cry a lot and i'm just soooooooooo sad.

it's like the true reality is sinking in that i'm not going to talk to him, not going to hear his voice again.

My husband/fiance and i are looking to buy a house; it's soemthing i had planned to do with the money I inherited from my dad and of course that is a beautiful parting gift from him and something we never could have done on our own. But it's obvioulsy a blessing i'd rather not have considering what I have lost.

I just don't understand how people come to "peace" with loss because I'm just missing him so so so so bad. Also, going to look at houses is also killing as sometimes they are estate sales, and sometimes it's an older person who is moving and in the house you can see remnants of their lives, and this triggers me BIG TIME into sobs and I walk out of open houses with all these people around in tears sobbing sobbing. Not that I care about being public about it ( i wish grief were more public actually and more exposed in our society).. but it's just hard and somtimes i feel like i'm going to have a nervous breakdown, it's all so overwhelming.

I don't know what anyone can say but I just needed to talk to someone.

Thanks for reading.

xoxo

Lori

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Dear Lori,

I am very sorry for the loss of your dear father.

As for how your feeling. Don't be so hard on yourself and don't expect to much of yourself right now either. Your not depressed my dear, your just going through all the motions of grieving. All of what you discribe is very normal and okay. It really hurts us to lose our parents or a loved one.

As for a house. Is there some way you can just put that off for a few months and then later on start to look. I can see were that would and could be very painful being your in the very early stages of your grief.

They say after we lose a loved one, we shouldn't make any major financial changes for at least the first year. Just food for thought.

As painful and hurt as you are feeling right now, you will see that time heals all wounds. You'll be fine, just let your emotions run there course.

(((((((((((((((((((LORI))))))))))))))))))

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Dear Lori,

I, too, know the pain of losing a father. It was very hard on me, as well. I did all the arranging of things for my mother, as well as all the financial things that need to be taken care of. All I can say is that I still think of my dad almost every day and he died in 1983! However, it is not with grief ~ but with love. Time will ease the intense pain you feel right now. It is so normal. Allow yourself this time of grief. I agree with the post above about waiting on the house. You have enough on your plate right now.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Kasey

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I just don't understand how people come to "peace" with loss because I'm just missing him so so so so bad.

Lori,

I don't know if I have ever come to peace with the deaths of those I have known and loved. For me, it isn't possible. What happens for me is that time passes and I adjust to my "new normal" without that person in my life any longer. I begin to have more good days and more days filled with joy rather than sadness.

I will have many times that a feeling or emotion will strike me and the reality of that loss can be so overwhelming- but I just think that is part of life now as we get older.

I also try not to make any sense of it or ask too many "why me's or why them's". There aren't real answers to those questions and for me, that line of thinking just cripples my heart.

There will come a time that the grief is less-

whether you want it to or not, life happens, one day turns into the next, someone will say something to make you smile or laugh, something good will happen to bring you joy and before you know it you are living life again in this "new normal".

It's ok to cry and be sad. It helps to talk and vent and sometimes be angry.

Someone said something to me once that said my dad would want joy for me, would want me to take care of myself and would want happiness in my life-

I think I believe that- and that is one of the things that helps me.

Hope that helps you too.

We are here for you. Be good to yourself.

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Dear, I am so very, very sorry for your loss, and can so understand your grief. You see, I just posted yesterday along the same vein. My older & only sister, who was more like my mother, left this planet in February and I am having a second wave of grief--probably made worse by more changes in my life--my daughter moving out, my job loss, changes in my neighborhood, my husband returning to work after his surgery, and his feeling that I am "stuck" in my grief. My sister was who I turned to for advice & to vent when I had problems, and like you, I still shake my head in disbelief that I'll never have a conversation with her again. I was sobbing out loud in the public library yesterday and I feel that I, and you, and anyone else that has suffered such a horrible loss just has to trudge on and let the emotions go---there is no time limit to grief, no getting "stuck"--that person that meant so much to you is gone, it's just too much to grasp. I guess that at some point it becomes easier to function again, but it hasn't happened yet to me, and if no where else, I think you and I and anyone else who needs it, can & should post on this board and allow themselves to grieve. My heart goes out to you, I'm hurting, too.

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Lori,

The truth is, if you want to talk to your dad again, he is right there with you. I am sorry that you feel this way. I know how hard it is for the months to just fly by and the pain doesnt get any easier. I wish there was something I could say to lessen it but there just arent words. Just know that there are people here that are feeling the exact things you are. I agree about being public with our sadness, I wouldn't care at all who saw me while I'm bawling while driving. Dont know why driving alone is what does me in.. Anyway, here is a big hug from me to you. Hope that helped some.

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