niececola Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 This Sunday will be one year that my dear mom lost her battle to lung cancer. I hate the way that sounds "lost her battle....” We are the ones who have lost...a loving wife, mother, sister and friend. I know my mom is with God and I hold onto that fact whenever the pain is too great, because she is no longer suffering, no longer in pain, no longer afraid and I will see her again one day. I have spent this week reading back over my old posts, not such a great idea, trust me. It was such a difficult road at times. Most of the time. I did not always understand the way she choose to deal with her LC, especially in the beginning, but when I finally let go and realized my role was to support her decisions, things became a little easier. As much as I want my mom back, I must admit, I do not miss those times of anxiety and fear. What I do miss is my best friend, I miss my mom calling me "chick" (my nickname she used all my life), I miss our phone calls, I miss her at our family parties, she was always the center of attention, I am sad that just as she conquered her life long battle with panic attacks and agoraphobia, she was diagnosed with LC and that her and my father were robbed of their lives together, I am sad when I look at Clover, because she is SOOO my mom's dog and if my mom was to come back tomorrow, she would drop us all like a hot potato! But what I am thankful for is this...because I want to end this on a somewhat positive note, because I know my mom would not want us crying all the time. I am so thankful and blessed that she was my mother for 33 years. I LOVE it when people say I am my mother's daughter, I would not have it any other way. I am sarcastic and outspoken (at times) just like her, I am outgoing and love to talk with people, just like her. She taught me to not take life too seriously, to love your family and friends and to be loyal to them. I am thankful for my Dad, brother Joey, and SIL Christine, for they have been my rock this past year. I have a new relationship with my Dad, something I never had before. And while I am sad that it comes after my mom's death, it is a blessing and I am lucky to have gotten to know my father so much better than before. I do feel sorry for him though, after years of not really having to deal with my drama, he is kind of at a loss of what to say sometimes! I miss my mom terribly, always will. I think I am in some way still in denial over her passing, it is too much to think of and I block out those thoughts sometimes. Does anyone really get over the loss of a mom? It certainly has gotten better, but the emptiness is always there. My uncle and I are off to Ireland this Sunday to visit with my mom’s family. I am so excited to go and see them, but it will be a tough day for all of us. It will be good to spend time with them, they loved my mom and I know my mom is pleased that my uncle and I are going over, she so desperately wanted to go, but never made it. I know she will be with us in spirit though. Thanks for listening to my ramblings. Thank you to everyone here, for you have been a constant source of support and love and I don’t know what I would have done without you. And thank you to my dear sisters, Andrea, Andrea and Natalie, just love you girls! Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers this weekend and I will do the same. Love, Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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