Insensitivity from my boss.... (long...sorry!!)

[bronbear]

To give you a little background on my boss - he is a CPA who talks faster than he thinks. Last year a few months into my dad's chemo, it was tax season. After tax season, the office went on a trip to Lake Tahoe. I guess I was worried because my dad's blood counts were down and he was unable to do chemo for awhile so I was a little quiet. My boss looked at me and said "What is the matter with you? You look like you have cancer." I was dumbfounded. I just looked at him and said "Don't say that to me!" Everyone else from the office just stood there with their mouths open and couldn't believe that he said that. I tried to put it behind me, but it has always been in the back of my mind. Well, here it is tax season again and now my dad is gone. I decided not to go on the trip this year because my boss told me in January that due to budget constraints, he really "didn't know what was going to happen to my hours after tax season." He said maybe I could only work two weeks a month. He said it very nonchalantly and walked away. I didn't say anything, but I was very hurt. Here I am still reeling from my dad's death two months before and now I don't know if I am going to have a job or not? I made up my mind that I was going to leave. In addition to that, hy husband got real sick in January and went to urgent care and had a chest X-ray. They called him and told him there was an irregular nodule that showed up on his left lung. I know nodules can be nothing, but after what I went through with my dad - I was and am terrified. I felt like I couldn't breathe when he called me and told me this. My boss was there and knew what was going on. About a week ago, I told my boss that I was leaving after tax season and I tried to do it on friendly terms and he said that I was oversensitive and that he didn't fire me - he was just letting me know I might be cut back. Well, I only work 25 hours per week when it isn't tax season as it is. I can't afford to work any less than that. He got mad at me and said "well, I don't think we are a fit anyway. And by the way, you are not the same employee you were last tax season." I looked at him and told him that I wasn't the same person I was last tax season, but that I felt like I had been working very hard and giving 110%. He said "well who said I was talking about how you worked? You just seem to not be yourself - I thought maybe it had to do with your dad but now I see it is just because you had an attitude with me." I am so upset now - I don't know how I can put up with this for another 4 weeks of tax season. I have done the best I can to put my life back in order and I feel like I am constantly being judged and told how I should feel. I come to work and work hard and force myself to smile and be cheerful when I feel like bawling. This man has never lost anybody close to him and I don't think he realizes how devastated I am. Sorry this is so long but he made me feel pretty lousy about myself and I needed to vent.....thanks for listening.

[Ry]

Well if I were you I would start looking now. You don't owe him the long notice till tax season is over. The man obviously has zip for people skills. It will make you feel better to start looking forward to leaving. Get your resume together and start reading the ads-- good luck.

[Ann]

Without going into too many details right now, I can certainly say that I sympathize with you. I thought I was the only one that had to deal with an extremely insensitive boss, but I see I'm not alone. You know, I don't think you even owe this man the courtesy of working one day more. Does he think he is exempt from illness and death? Of course these things cause attitude changes. But...in my opinion...he's the one that needs an attitude change...not you. All you need is a change in employment!

[stand4hope]

This man has never lost anybody close to him and I don't think he realizes how devastated I am.

He isn't the only one like that, Bron. I've discovered over the years there a lot of employers like that. Not all of them, of course, but probably a pretty high percentage.

Actually, I think a lot of the bad ones probably have lost someone close to them, but they don't see their employees as people with emotions, feelings, hurts, pain or real lives. The ones like that have smelly poop for brains and "power trip" is their middle name.

Best of luck on the job hunt that you are going to start right away - right?

Love,

Peggy

[michelepal]

WOW! I think you should tell your boss to stick the job up his a** and walk out, I know you need a job but you don't need his crap. Someone like you boss is not someone you need in your life right now he can't possibly understand the pain of lossing someone you love. Someday he will be in our situation and hopefully he will remember how cold he was to you. One of my Father famous line to me was Michele " one door closes and one door opens " I guess my point is that if you leave your job it will all work out for the best..

Sorry for rambling all over the place but I just spent 4 hours with my Mother.It was not pretty we re-hashed the week before my Father Died and maybe if she did something different he would still be here.

OMG!!

LOVE Michele

[berisa]

Hi Bron,

He is not a human I can tell, he is too cruel to you. He said ghost words to you. But please don't put his words into your heart or make yourself sad as he is not deserved!! Only your dad and your beloved person are deserved for your sadness, your time. Your boss is not your friend, I guess his parents still survive and never have such painful experience. Hope you are feeling better soon.

Btw, hope all is well with your husband...

[dadstimeon]

Sounds like it is time for another job. If I was you I would show up, do my job, be professional, a days work for a days pay and when I found another job give him a notice. Take the high road--don't go down to his level. Start looking on Monster etc. Good Luck.

[Tiny]

Excellent advice from dadstimeon, as usual. Your grieving process is yours, alone, to work through as you see fit, but a change of profession and bosses may be helpful on many fronts. Take care.

[Remembering Dave]

He's definitely worse than my boss. It doesn't sound like a job you absolutely have to have, financially, that you could do much better someplace else anyway, so I'd leave and go out and do better if I were you.

He sounds WORSE than my boss, who cut my raise the first year Dave had cancer because I didn't ask for FMLA and I used vacation time for all the cancer stuff, but he told me at evaluation time that I had too many unplanned absences and if I'd gotten FMLA I would have been "protected against his action." He actually said that to me, later, in hindsight, I realized it was HIS job to advise me to apply for FMLA. In the same conversation, he officially informed me that he and his wife had separated (I'd already figured that out) and that he considered the breakup of his marriage a death, but although he was experiencing grief he hadn't missed any time from work. Yeah, right, but he sure spent enough work time on the stupid divorce, I figured it out because of the numerous faxes and phone calls he got from his divorce attorney. Duh. then when Dave died he actually wrote a note and mailed it to my house and told me that he knew exactly how I felt because his dad died ten years ago. What??? You DO NOT compare the death of an elderly parent to that of a young spouse. geez. and you certainly never ever tell anyone you know exactly how they feel, especially if you don't!!!!

He's just really not very bright.

Now I have a co-worker with four kids who misses times all the time - car is broken down (that precipitated an entire day off with no notice), 16 year old stole a car which necessitates numerous court and school dates, other three kids are always sick, she has a LIVING husband and a LIVING mother, but she seems to be the only one who can handle anything. top that off with the fact that she sits at her desk all day and takes care of business for the youth basketball league she manages or something. So Boss has the NERVE to tell me, right before Mom died, that I need to set an example for co-worker and ALWAYS be here no matter what is going on in my life. Yeah, right.

I can really see why his wife left him, he is about the most clueless person I've ever dealt with and I'm pretty sure his self-centered-ness is what drove her away.

I just do my thing, and I don't worry about a thing. I try to ignore the stupidity because I know I can never excel as long as I work with this bozo, so my main goal in life is keeping my job. I show up, I do my thing, I go home. I work for a large fortune 500 company with excellent benefits and very regular work hours, show up, go to lunch, leave on time every day. in the world of law firm where I've always worked before, it was a pretty iffy existence, you never knew if you were going to take a lunch hour and at 4:55 pm every day you held your breath that the lawyer didn't fly out of their office telling you not to leave until you revised the intriciate 50 page document they'd been fooling around with all day. the stability here, I need.

sorry, this turned into a big rant from me!!

anyway, GO GET ANOTHER JOB!!

Best of luck,

Karen

[jduenges]

That stinks. I think I would start looking for another job. You have enough pain from the loss of your Dad, who needs to deal with that kind of frustration on top of everything else.

When my Dad became ill(Sep'04), I quit my full time job a few months later.(I wanted to reduce my hours mainly because of child care issues, and I was told no). I was very nervous thinking about leaving a company that I had been at for over 10 years. I liked my coworkers, the job in general...I just couldn't deal with unsupportive management so I decided to leave. I decided to stay home with my kids and help my Dad, and my Mom. My Dad passed away Sept. 6, 2005, I miss him terribly.

Quitting my job enabled me to spend more time with my Dad so I was glad about that. Leaving work ended up not being as scary as I thought.

Take care,

Jackie

[Shar]

I do sympathize with you and your situation.

I went through something similar after being diagnosed. My employer was actually understanding initially, then became truly demanding.

After enduring 3 months of chemo I was told if I didnt return to work my job would be terminated. Stupid me returned to work on their conditions - full time, $4500 less per year and in a very demanding job which was different to my previous position.

After 2 weeks I left and still not feeling satisfied I sat down and penned a letter to the owner stating how unfairly I was treated. I actually received a response, a wanky one I must admit, but in myself I felt better. I had let them know I wasnt happy with their treatment.

You have been through enough, it is time to think of yourself and not of an conceited boss.

I wish you luck with it,

Sharon

[MalouDP]

Well, if you only work 25 hrs a week anyway, might as well quit now while it's tax season and he needs you more. Maybe he will realize your worth and get his attitude adjustment anf offer you a raise and more hours. I'm sure you can find a better boss somewhere with a little decency in his heart. I can't stand working for assholes, I'm sorry, they are just not worth my time. God Bless You, and I pray you will find a better place to work.

[Dreamweaver]

I am new here. but was reading through the posts and found your story about your boss. It is so hard, losing someone you love. And unless a person has gone through that I don't think they will ever truly understand what it is you are going through. how can they - it is impossible to really tell anyone what you are dealing with emotionally. But having said that - it sounds like your boss needs a lesson on sensitivity. To be so nonchalant about another persons grief is just imcomprehensible. Am so sorry you have 4 more weeks to go through with this man. But one thing I have learned is life is way too short to be working whereyou are so miserable. Negativity is harmful to your health as well. Am so glad you have made the decision to move on and find somewhere else to work. I hope you find a place where you are comfortable, and everyone gets along. You deserve to be in a happier place. No one deserves to go through what your boss has put you through. Wishing you the best in your new journey as you move on towards someting new... And keeping you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers as he deals with his health issues.

Melanie