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Posted

Hi everyone,

I've been here numerous times over the last six months smiling when there was good news and saddened so deeply when there was not. There have been so many emotions consuming me but the one that saddens me most is that Ron was robbed of living the life he so badly fought for. With summer here, it really has me thinking of how excited he would have been to have another season in his boat. I almost feel guilty that my life continues while his did not. I am so sad for his mom who feels the extreme loss of her son.

We buried Ron's ashes in late April which brought us all back to the horrible memories of that day. I try to take solace in the fact that his suffering is over but I still feel angry. Seeing my mom and dad's headstone and Ron's for the first time was so unbelievable. It's hard to fathom at times that they're all gone - I've been lost without having anyone to take care of. I wonder how I kept my feet on the ground as each of them left this earth. But, I did get through it and that makes me feel good at times.

I am in the process of putting a small garden in my backyard and have designated an area for Ron. Pansies, which mean thanks for the memories and Sweet Peas, which are the flowers for April (Ron's birth month) and mean thinking of you will adorn "his place." Friends honored me on my birthday by giving me flowers from their garden. It is a beautiful tribute to both of us.

So as I gaze out over my new garden I have feelings of sadness and feelings of joy.

I think of all of you often and continue to send prayers and positive thoughts for victory during this journey.

Blessings to all,

Janet

Posted

Dear Janet,

I understand. I so very well understand the way you feel. I think you are doing amazing, I think we all are doing an amazing job of living thru our pain and finding a reason to see beauty and joy in our lives. I would love to see some pictures of your beautiful garden and I will continue to keep you in my prayers. I often think of you and wonder how you are as we are so close in timing on our paths.

Much love,

Beth

Posted

Wow Janet, you sound like an amazing woman. I absolutely LOVE the idea of the garden. How did you learn about what the flowers mean, etc?

I pray that you find peace in Ron's passing. I know what it feels like to be so angry. I have gone through that myself on a few different issues, and it is all consuming. I was angry at God, angry at the earth, angry at whatever I could be. I pray that as time goes on you are given strength to get through. Again, I love the idea of a garden, and I think you will forever be blessed with abudant flowers and growth.

God bless you!

Jen

Posted

Janet,

I've thought about you so often. It's good to hear from you and thank you for sharing your thoughts and your garden with us. This is a very hard journey. It's nearly 4 months for me and I'm not sure how to channel my emotions right now. Some days it seems harder than it was in the beginning. I think your idea of the garden is wonderful. Take care and know there are others out here that understand and are thinking of you.

Love,

Sue

Posted

Dear Janet,

It is so good to see your post. I've not been posting much for quite some time and that's mostly because I've been having a hard time myself. I will post about that in a separate post in the next day or two. Like Sue said, it does seem to get harder instead of easier, and I'll share some thoughts on that, too, as well as some solutions I've found.

Please know that you are in my heart, Janet, and always will be. I say the same, too, to all those I've known here for more than two years, and to all those that I don't know.

It's interesting to me to hear about your garden, especially the way you attached special meaning to them. I haven't done any gardening since Don and I were married, other than some house plants early in our marriage. Don did it all - that was his domain and he loved it.

Since spring, I have bought flowers and plants, planted them, sown and watched grass seed grow, planted perennials and annuals, and watered and fertilized these things myself. I got a few books, talked to the nursery personnel and off I went. It's been very therapeutic for me. To me they represent new life.

I don't have the meanings for the flowers like you do. Are those your own meanings or are they listed in a reference book somewhere. If so, I would love to have a link or the name of the book to attach meanings, or next year to buy things that have descriptions like that. I made sure to plant all the Impatiens (sp?) like Don did in the exact same places that he did. That was my tribute to him, and I hope they grow as big and beautiful as his always did and that he can see them and smile.

May God continue to bless you, Janet, with His comfort!

Love,

Peggy

Posted

Janet, it's so very good to hear from you. I know how hard these months have been for you. I know how hard summer must be for you without Ron. I look at Dennis' boat and think of how much he would have been enjoying his fishing right now. I work right on the river where he loved to spend so much time. I remember those final boat trips we took together. Most of the days, we did very little fishing. We just held hands and seemed to sit there, each facing our own fears about the future.

I love your plan to honor Ron with a beautiful garden. I think that's such a special tribute. It will be even more special because your friends are sharing plants with you. I hope the garden helps to bring you much deserved peace and makes you feel close to Ron.

Posted

Hi there,

For those of you who so kindly gave me a lift - the flower idea was born because I have met a lady who does Reike (sp?), reads tarot cards, does swedish massage and total energy bodywork. I have had her come in every 5 to 6 weeks for mainly the wonderful stress relieving massage. Everytime she would come I would ask if anyone was around - meaning mom or dad (this was their house for 60 years) or Ron. Each time she would say "no" until one evening she suggested that she would like to do Reike, not a massage. Following our session, she told me the reason she chose not to do a massage was that she felt Ron's presence a couple weeks before that and that he actually told her to tell me he was ok, that he loved me and that I would be fine. She said that he said I was doing "really well". He said that to my friends after mom died and again after dad died with respect to my holding it together. She couldn't have known that that was the phrase he used. The night she told me Ron was here - she recounted the details of his presence. I had fallen asleep while she touched my head, neck, hips and feet. I awoke at one point and thought - she's touching my head again. However, I realized that she had her hands placed on my hips. After the one hour session she told me that Ron had come into the room and touched my head. With that the tears began to flow. She said he then proceeded around the massage bed and looked at me. He turned to her and said "doesn't she look like sleeping beauty?". She said that we touched our palms together and then I began to ask him over and over if he was ok. She said he started to laugh and said he's fine. He told me that someone with a name like "Ned" was with him. Ironically, his cousin Ron Zed, who was his best friend passed away 10 years ago. Pretty close, eh? She then said that Ron put sweet peas and pansies in my hand, told me again that he loved me and that I was going to be ok. When I went in on a website to see if there was any significance of these flowers I found the relationship to the birth month of April and the thanks for the memories meaning. I was blown away. That's when I decided that I needed to put that garden in. I've never gardened in my life. We have his special spot adorned with the pansies and sweet peas and a beautiful garden Angel (which he cousin surprised me with on my birthday) is perched above his flowers.

Many do not believe in these connections and that's ok. But I do believe that there is more beyond this life than death. I often think of how fearful we are to die but take comfort in knowing that if we were aware of what is beyond this life we would not be afraid at all to get there.

Sorry for all of the rambling but that's the story. Eery, maybe or maybe not.

Take care,

Janet

Posted

Hi Janet,

Great to hear from you. I am so excited about your garden and I know Ron is also.

I do believe when a physical body is gone the soul lives on. They have things to do there just as they did here on earth but they are around love ones when needed.

I do Reiki and believe in its healing powers. I don't do Tarot or physic readings but Reiki does heal.

Take care of yourself I think you are doing just fine. Please find time to smile, you owe that to yourself and Ron would want that.

Maryanne :):wink:

Posted

What a nice post. I believe that our loved ones watch over us and are with us from time to time. Flowers have always been special to me. They are just beautiful. They somehow, bring us peace. I'll pray for Ron and you that you will find peace and a calm connection.

Joanie ((()))

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