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What to say...


kamataca

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I took Mom up to her hometown this weekend to see my cousins who were in town with their kids.

Mom had me do the whole tour of her childhood. The house she grew up in has been torn down. My 9-year old thought that was sad, and Mom's eyes teared up when he said that.

She also wanted us to go out to the cemetary. Her parents are buried along side my Dad. It is just so odd, because Mom's name and DOB are already on the tombstone. Looking at that kind of chilled my blood.

Mom was disheartened by her inability to do chemo last week (low counts) and is upset by her lack of energy. I wonder if she is in a 'giving up' stage right now. I don't know what to say to her. It is so easy for me to tell her to keep fighting, but I'm not the one who is tired all of the time, who deals with the increasing headaches and SOB, who has to face a house alone every night.

I'm just a little blue today. I wish I could make it all better for her. She has fought so hard my whole life with health issues. I wonder if she is just tiring of the constant fight. I don't know that I could blame her. I hope next week brings better news and health.

:) Kelly

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I do understand. It is so hard, especially when you feel like you don't know what to say or how to help make things better.

Some times you don't have to say a thing. Seems like your mom really enjoyed giving you the childhood tour and i would bet it meant the world to her that you were there with her.

Take your cues from her. I remember when I thought my dad had had enough, he was so tired and had been thru so much- I asked him point blank if he even wanted to do any more treatments, and his answer was a quick- Of course! What's the alternative? I never asked him again. And I was ready in my heart to accept it had he said he was thru with treatment.

After his answer, I knew my job was to provide hope and encouragement.

Keep doing what you're doing and follow your heart.

My prayers for your mom and your family. Hoping she gets some strength and energy soon.

Hugs,

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I was Blue yesterday and ok today. Enjoy your time with mom spens as much quality time with the Family You can muster. Cherish every moment in time and make the very most of It. Pray for tomorrow. I am sure those sights scared your mom but remember The decisions are actually hers to make, I think. The most you can do is support, Love and cherish every moment Pray for tomorrow and Most importantly Enjoy today as much as you can. :)

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Kelly I know what it is like to feel the blues you are going through, and not know what to say.

Keith used to say he was "sick of being tired, and tired of being sick" And I know there were times where he grappled with whether or not he wanted to do more chemo. But that never once equated with not wanting to fight for life.

What I learned was that at those times, the thing that boosted his strength the most was not words that promised better times, or stories of hope, but simply words of love. I'd tell him how much I loved him, and how I would always be there to help him through whatever he went through. I would never let him go through it alone and it was not a burden. I loved him, I was thankful for him, and he made my life complete.

Just being reminded of what it was he was fighting for usually gave him the determination and energy to get back up and hit this head on.

Just tell your mom how much you love her, and let her know you will always be there with her in this fight. Although she is the one being put through the ringer, you are standing at her side and your heart aches with her.

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I am so sorry :( I can imagine how difficult it was seeing her home town and the cemetary. My parents moved here from NY in 2000, they lived in NY their entire lives and my mom said the only thing she would want to go back for would be to visit her parents at the cemetary. I am supoosed to go back for her at some point, I just haven't been able to emotionally muster up the strength to head back to Ny where I lived and see people and places and things.

I think you wouod be abnormal if you didn't feel blue.

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Kelly, I'm sorry your feeling blue but it sure is understandable. The others have offered some GREAT words of wisdom. That's what I love about this site...you can't learn this stuff from books or doctors. I agree to take your cues from your mom and to just be there for her. Hoping tomorrow is a sunnier day for you.

Karen

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Hi Kelly,

It must be hard to be in your shoes. I constantly feel badly for my sister who moved here to be with me during this ordeal. Sometimes I am down - and she can't make it better - she just needs to let me be where I am at that point. Even when I feel awful and dread another day of chemo - it's never that I want to give it up. I just want to forget I ever heard the word cancer.

I think your mother needs to know you love her, you support her, and you understand some days she just needs to be sad. It goes with the territory, and I think each time something new arises, you rethink your whole disease. Wish I knew how to avoid it - but I don't.

So be sad today, but remember everyday is another chance to have a great day.

Mary

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Oh, Kelly, I do to (hope next week brings better news and health, for your Mom.) When you wrote, "but I'm not the one who is tired all of the time", it really struck a chord with me. I can't count the times I've said similar things myself in answer to people asking how my Dad is doing. I'll say, "all in all I think he's doing pretty well but of course, I'm not the one who has to be sick for even a minute or in pain, etc., etc." My Dad also lives alone and although he's only 4 minutes away and I'm over there several times a day, it breaks my heart that he is alone. Dad hasn't been doing well the last few days, the pain under his arm is back and he had a day today that prompted him to say that he couldn't wait for this to all be over. I don't know what to say either. I think we just have to always hope for the best and pray that tomorrow will be a better day. I wish I could give you a big hug. Prayers for you and Mom.

Best,

Lynda

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Kelly,

This disease is always so much of a roller coaster ride, isn't it?

It looks like your mom is tired - today. That doesn't mean that she will be tomorrow. It also sounds like she had an emotional weekend. I know, even without cancer, going back to my hometown and seeing what has happened there, and what has happened to my childhood home- all that stuff is draining. It makes you melancholy and it makes you wish for old times. I'm like Andrea- I haven't been back home to NY in 8 years and in a way I dread it. Too many memories- sometimes the good ones hurt worse than the bad.

I don't think Bev will be down for long, and neither will you. Sometimes, we all just have to crash for a little bit to regain our strength...

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Oh Kelly, I am so sorry that things are tough right now. It is just so hard to watch our parents who have been such fighters all our lives, be put to one of the toughest fights ever and actually become fragile.

I will say a prayer for you and for your mom. Dear Lord, please bless Kelly's mom with renewed health, a fighting spirit, and peace in her heart. Please bless Kelly with the same, and help them to together continue this journey towards a cure. As always Dear Lord, I pray for the miracle of healing.

God bless you Kelly!

Jen

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