cindi o'h Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 I am still just in awe of your Mom, Lori. Never, ever I don't think I have heard of such a tough girl. Plant some kisses of mine on her cheeks, will you? love, Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EastCoastLadi Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 (((Lori))), Your mom is such an incredible example of inner strength! I am glad too that she is not in pain, and from what you have written, perhaps and I hope that your mom has found some inner peace. I pray that she has. Lori, I know it is difficult, but please make sure you take care of yourself. I hope you have at least a moment or two.....for you We're here for you... Grace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 Thinking of you sweetie, and hold you tight in my heart. Praying for some positive results. At least now her eyes are open and even though she cannot speak she seems to understand, and that is a good sign. Hang in there, you are doing everything possible to help her. Its in G-ds hands honey... Sending prayers Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TamHol Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 My heart goes out to you at this time and I understand your need to have as much quality time with your Mom. I'm glad that she is awake and aware enough for you to have your moments with her. As far as the SF goes .......... although I am like you and will support the process of dying by sitting with them to the last moment. I do think everyone needs to be reminded that no one is emotionally capable to watch another person die. It's not for everyone and I think it's harsh and wrong to set blame based on the actions and each individuals limits. There is no right or wrong way to do this....! If he were walking away I would be harsh ... but he's there and he's dealing with his loss the best he can. It may not be YOUR way, but it's better than nothing. I know of a couple where he walked away from his wife after doctors found the unterine cancer spread EVERYWHERE at the time of her surgery. "I can't handle this or watch you die" he said while walking out the door ........ she fought alone and didn't even begrudge him for leaving. Did he at least support her during her time of need? ...... No, actually he showed up with a date 4 months later at a mutual friends wedding where his wife also attended. Point is ........... it could be worse. Tammy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted September 7, 2006 Author Share Posted September 7, 2006 Tammy, You have no idea the amount of distrust between my SF and I and all of the selfishness he has acted out during my mom's illness. I could have called the hospice nurse, but I knew what she'd say-if she is not agitated, do not give her the ativan and that is exactly what she did say when she got here Tuesday. It's just common sense. Thanks everyone else for being here and being supportive. I only want the best for my mom and that includes limited pain, but not to the point where I am questioning if we are overdosing her or giving her meds that are not needed. It is alot of trial and error, but I think we have found the right combo now. She is taking the decadron by shot, her lovenox shot and liquid morphine as needed. Mom is nodding when she has pain, so that helps to keep me from wondering. It is also fact acting, so we can take cues from her (like holding her head or her jaw). I decided as of this morning to take a 2 week paid family care leave to be here. I gave mom a bath this morning and she smells so good. The paid aide Amy is still here, but she is more like SF's companion. I have to ask her to do everything, she takes no initiative. Maybe I am a control freak, but I think rather than being angry, I have decided that no one will take care of mom like me. Gosh, I go on and on. Thanks for listening... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TamHol Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 Your right ....... I have no idea about you or your family, nor do I venture to guess. Everyone has their limits to what they can endure, support and emotionally take before they themselves break. Tammy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 ((((Lori)))) You are loving her so well and caring for her so well. Your Mom will be so comforted to have you by her side even more. We ARE here and we love you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 Lori, Again I must say, you are an amazing, amazing daughter. Your mother has so, so much to be proud of. Stay strong, keep us posted, and know we are saying prayers. God bless, Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted September 7, 2006 Author Share Posted September 7, 2006 And for the record Tammy, why in the hell did you go and change your post? Just leave me alone. You are making it worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linda661 Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 Lori: Sounds like taking that paid family leave is just what you need right now -- so cool that you have that available to you. It seems like it will do you a world of good right now. Try to relax, rest as much as you can, and enjoy your days with your mom as much as possible. Sounds like your balancing meds. and evaluating your mom's needs really well too(as you always do) -- that kind of advocacy never goes away, even on hospice, as you well know. My heart sort of sank "hearing" that the aide isn't taking more initiative in supporting your mom . Remember, hospice personnel can be changed if you find they are not meeting your mom's needs adequately (you can have a different aide). Only you can answer that one. Many cyber hugs to you Lori, Linda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tatlyn Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 hmmm, if the aide is keeping SF out of your hair, she probably deserves a raise You keep plugging on Lori, you're doing wonderfully, and God knows it ain't easy. Much Love, many prayers continuing for Mom and you. Lynda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 Lori, Just adding my continued prayers to the mix here. YOU ARE DOING A FABULOUS JOB UNDER INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT CIRCUMSTANCES. You just keep doing what you are doing for your precious Mama and know that it is the right thing for her as well as you. Prayers and love my dear, Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted September 7, 2006 Author Share Posted September 7, 2006 The aide is paid for by SF. That way he can run all day and then when I get home, I take over so he can sit on the couch or go back out. I was almost at the point of telling him to just go on with his life, get out the other day, but why cause a ruckus now? Anyway, I'll be here for the next two weeks and mama will be well cared for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 Lori, you go girl! You are doing what you feel is best. That is all that matters. You have the best interest for your mom at heart. We can all see that. I certainly didn't have things as rough as what you are dealing with. I just had siblings that showed up at the last second and took over like they had been there all along...BUT...I can completely understand what you must be going through. We're here! Don't forget that. Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 Lori, No one could have cared for your mama any better than you have. God Bless you . My prayers continue. Love, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TamHol Posted September 8, 2006 Share Posted September 8, 2006 Lori, I'm very sorry if you took offence to the posting I made earlier. I changed my post because of the fact that I saw the circumstances had changed regarding the med's and medical opinion of them. My first mistake was allowing my emotions get the better of me. It wasn't an attempt to offend in anyway ... but to introduce a possible alternative theory to the actions of your SF. I live with a man (my husband) who thinks he knows his friends and family outside and in ... he's come to realize that everyone has hidden talents and characteristics. I don't know everything, I just barely know anything! All I know is every situation is different and any advice given or taken is done so by choice and bravery ...... cause we all know it could be the wrong one! I'm glad to hear you are comfortable with your Mom's care and things are getting done as needed. Cheers to the gatekeepers all around! Again, sorry if you were offended. I know better now! Tammy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mskim Posted September 8, 2006 Share Posted September 8, 2006 Lori... I just am so happy to hear you are at your mom's side. You are doing everythign I wanted to do for her had she not died so suddenly, and I had been allowed to be in charge of her care. I won't even go into the SF thing. While mine seemed to be more supportive it bordered on controlling and I have resentment that she sould have had better more effective treatment had he not resigned himelf so early on the she would die anyway. He has even started dating... but that is a whole other post on a whole other forum. You are a wonderful woman and I love hearing about how you love your mom so deeply. It mirrors how I feel about mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlegirl Posted September 8, 2006 Share Posted September 8, 2006 Lori - I'm so glad you get to spend the next 2 weeks at home with your mama! Try to get some rest yourself too! I agree with Lynda, if that aide is keeping SF occupied she is serving a purpose. Enjoy your time with mama! Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eppie Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Oh Lori! Big hugs to you and am sending prayers of strength and love to you during the 2 weeks you are taking off to send with your precious momma. She is truly amazing and you both deserve all the time to love one another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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